tw

mutuals come and sit under the table with me

I hate how both my parents are emotionally/verbally abusive and toxic and shitty role models. My whole childhood was fucked up it isn’t fair, I’m so fucking bitter and now I’m damaged because of them

sometimes i'm randomly reminded that even though i had the privilege of growing up with two parents, i was never actually raised by them and that most of my morals and principles are based off of the unhealthy amount of media i've consumed and absorbed my entire childhood. do i have a mother? yes. do i have a mom? no, but does the main character's mom in that one book i read from 5 years ago count as one?

i think there is something about people who were abused/neglected as kids that makes us embrace things that others consider monstrous. i dont think its a coincidence most of us like “creepy” animals like rats and crows. i dont think its a coincidence that we are the first to jump to the defense of “worthless” plants like dandelions. its why we get so attached to old toys and broken things. when you spend your whole life believing you’re not wanted, it turns you into a defender of the other unwanted things in the world. and you’re not just protecting them - you’re protecting the part of yourself that still believes you deserve to exist. just like they do. just like we all do.

you sleep a lot. you sleep all the time. you will sleep your life away.