!!!!!!!!!!! @mondayisill - Tumblr Blog

hello i’m monday!!! (@quackaaa or @mondayistired)

this is my vent blog

intro kinda sucks but it’s whatever

IRLS DW ABOUT THIS IM FINE

ABOUT ME

꒷︶꒷꒥꒷˚꒷︶꒷꒥꒷˚꒷︶꒷꒥꒷꒥꒷︶꒷꒥꒷˚꒷︶꒷꒥꒷˚꒷︶꒷

✧ i am a mostly closeted transmasc bisexual (he/him)

✧ i have a partner :3 she motivates me to do a lot of things :]

✧ i am a minor!!! somewhere in the 14-17 range

✧ i very likely have some sort of sensory disorder!! my mom thinks so too :D

✧ i also think i might have adhd but idk

✧ i am also also chronically fatigued maybe from genetics definitely from the fact i don’t sleep enough (i likely have POTS and maybe hEDS)

✧ im hypocritical as fuck do what i say not what i do type shit /lh

MORE, TW AHEAD POSSIBLY

꒷︶꒷꒥꒷˚꒷︶꒷꒥꒷˚꒷︶꒷꒥꒷꒥꒷︶꒷꒥꒷˚꒷︶꒷꒥꒷˚꒷︶꒷

#fuck therapy nobody in my life gets to know abt this > <#everyone would be too worried and we can’t have that!!!#anyways~~~#tw sui ideation #tw eating issues #tw vent #tw depressing thoughts #hell is a teenage boy

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LOATHING! UNADULTERATED LOATHING!

#FOR MY FACE #MY VOICE #MY CLOTHING!!#me when i turn my dysphoria into a wicked reference lolololololol kill me

perhaps i don’t really inhabit my space

perhaps i’m not really physically present

ever

perhaps i’m not real

#that would be nice #i’d be a lot less worried #that’s for sure #..how do i stop derealizing?#that’s just how i live at this point #i can’t do those grounding exercises to help most of the time because they just don’t work #i can’t stabilize myself with touching things when the touch feels shallow #i can’t take in my surroundings by breathing when the air in my lungs doesn’t seem like it’s mine #everything is cloudy #my mind works perfectly fine #physical sensation of any kind is just a bit fuzzy when it tries to get to my thoughts #i’m not depressed or anything #i don’t think #it just feels like i’m looking through a window #…maybe that’s why i love physical affection so much..#then i can feel like a real person again #tw derealization

*me, panicking because I slept in*

my mother: lol thats just how it is

#SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP #STOP LAUGHING AT ME #STOP DISMISSING ME #PLEASE #ALL I WANT IS AN ‘IT’S OKAY’#WHY DO YOU NEVER TELL ME IT’S GOING TO BE OKAY #DO YOU THINK I JUST ASSUME THAT IT WILL BE????#I DON’T #I PANIC AND I CRY #SHUT UP

im tryin to not kms y are u asking me if i wanna go hiking a literal day after school ends

#i have this hatred for hiking #because its always hot and humid and uphill and people go too fast and it makes me want to die

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chok3onlollip0pz404

"You have 15 missing assignments and you're failing math" I DIDN'T ASK TO BE BORN

#yes.

i am a pathetic ungrateful excuse for a human being

why must i be punished for things i struggle so deeply to control

#DIAGNOSIS #PLEASE #SOMEONE JUST TELL ME I’M NOT INSANE #TELL ME THERE’S SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME #TELL ME I’M NOT A FAILURE #TELL ME I’VE BEEN TRYING MY BEST #TELL ME I’M NOT CRAZY SO I CAN STOP PANICKING #PUT ME ON MEDICATION #PLEASE I’M BEGGING YOU #I’LL LEARN TO SWALLOW PILLS WITHOUT GAGGING IF IT MEANS I CAN BE NORMAL #I’LL GET OVER MY FEAR OF NEEDLES #I’LL #I’LL BE A GOOD BOY I SWEAR #PLEASEEEEE

LIFE ≠ LIVING

#and surviving is exhausting

get me out of here let me leave let me go home

why is this the life i’m being subjected to if i’m hardly living at all

surviving isn’t living and ive been surviving for the past four years

LET ME OUT

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i should just die

i’m so useless

i can’t do anything right and i disappoint literally everyone

‘you arent broken the system is’ then why is everyone else okay with the system

#GET ME OFF FUCKING INVISALIGN I DON’T CARE ABOUT MY TEETH I WANT TO KILL MYSELF #ISNT THERE SOMEONE YOU FORGOT TO ASK #GIVE ME TOOTH PAIN I DONT CARE #I DESERVE IT #ILL OVERDOSE ON MELATONIN #FUCK YOU #(for anyone concerned about my safety no i will not)#(this is logical side of the brain speaking)#(monday is a fucking idiot and says he’s going to kill himself when he 100% won’t)#(but monday is also an emotional idiot and needs to say that he will to feel better)#(hope thats helpful)#tw sui ideation #tw od mention

why is he back why is he back why is he back

THIS KID TRIED TO DOX ME AND TOLD ME MY BEST FRIEND LEFT ME BECAUSE I WAS AN AWFUL PERSON

HE TRIED TO MANIPULATE MY FRIENDS INTO HATING ME AND EACH OTHER

WHY IS HE BACK

STOP

NO

#I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him #i #I never did anything to him first #he told them I said I wanted to kill him #I never did that #why do we still trust him #what the fuck

i want to stop trying

i’m so.. tired..

at the very least,

when i look like i’m about to cry

i can always plead overstimulated..

and no one would think twice..

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it’s impossible for me to really be happy

i should stop trying to be something i’m not

i’m worthless honestly...

if i vanished.. no one here would notice..

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