Momma to V

2/11/23

For the past two days I’ve been sick. On an antibiotic and a steroid to try and knock it out. Then on top of that V’s got an ear infection. Oh, did I mention I am about to start my period? Was going to try and tough it out as I always try to do, but this time is something different. My body is achy, my head feels foggy. One minute I am happy, the next I’m not. I don’t know if it’s me just reaching the wonderful ripe age of 30 (lol) or just so over worked from not only work but trying to make sure I am being a good mommy, partner, friend, daughter, and so forth. Why do I feel so guilty about missing work when my body is yelling at me?

“Take care of me.” It must often say to me.

So much coffee, not enough water. So much working and being a momma, not enough sleep.

My mind too. I have not been taking good care of that at all. I stopped taking my medicine. Why do you ask? I don’t know really. I think that maybe I can handle it myself?

We’re fighting right now. I do not know if I am wrong, but I also feel so right in what I am feeling. I may have overreacted, but also, I am so over stimulated. I’m tired, I’m sick, I’m foggy, and I just need him. Why do I feel so guilty though?

He has been working a lot and he never does get to be his own person, so I felt guilty for even feeling this way. Selfish almost. I just need him.

The conversation never really went anywhere other than a bad place, so I have just stopped responding. I turned my phone off. I think the best thing right now is silence. Or really I don’t know what the best thing is. Sigh.

Not sure why I really started typing this all out, but I rather not even bother anyone with my problems. Feel like a nuisance.

I do feel better though being able to get my thoughts out. I need to start doing this on my bad days, like today, but also my very good days. To remind myself that there is always tomorrow, whether it be good or bad. Take it in stride is what I like to tell all my friends. Now if I could only take my own advice…