writes dangerous things

so i don’t post about the same thing i hate from my fellow trans men and mascs all the time: i also hate when people act like you can get perfect thin flat surgery scars if you only follow [wide range of totally reasonable to absolutely crazy wound & scar care routine]. i did that and still got big fat keloid scarring even though i don’t even usually scar like this. you guys vastly underestimate ur good genetics

seeing friendly instagram writing mutuals (as that is my only other platform lmao) almost word to word convolutedly microlabelly "continued in the comments"-ly describe their relationship to sex and gender and their bodies either like i would have on 2014 demi-everything tumblr or in some cases right up to my transition… i know not all of these people are trans if any! but i do ask myself where we would collectively be if there’d been a few less years of hearing "you’re so valid, use this label and change nothing about yourself at all ever :)" when you described your suffering to your so-called community peers

noo don’t invite me to the FLINTA hangout where i’ll be the only man you’re too sexy 🥀😔💅🏻

every time i start out typing this post i feel like i don’t do it justice and just put it in my drafts again. but fuck it i’ll just say it more than once. i don’t think i could have put off medically transitioning much longer than i did anyway but still every day i’m thankful to anxious depressed repressed desperate scared as shit 2023 me for laying the groundworks for where i am today. passing more than just in passing, getting treated as just a guy, feeling at home in my body (despite keloid scarring on my chest making passing shirtless impossible rn) and at ease in my mind instead of somewhere on the sliding scale of awkward and weird to i want to claw off my skin and spending nights awake crying. funnily enough i think i finally experience a bit of this "trans joy" stuff that was inaccessible to me before due to my intense jealousy of other trans people and my dysphoria and lifelong experiences as being labelled gender traitor and aggressor. it was the hardest "choice" i ever made yet an inevitable one as of course it isn’t a choice at all, and it was also the best one. some things come closer than others but transitioning was by far the best thing i ever did for myself. feeling truly alive and in love with myself in my 30s like i never thought possible