my shit bang

“okay.” what else was she supposed to say to that? screw you. you’re dumb? not how she operates. not even the level of closeness they’re at at the moment. instead, serin allows silence to hang between them, doesn’t hide the frown on her lips. absently wondering what her body needed his opinion for. but it’s better to shut up, at least, she knows jaehyun well enough to let this ride through. interrupting him wouldn’t change anything but escalate things.

“i am—i—” she squeaks at the push, nose crinkling in distaste. “i’m just trying to get my original weight back, it’s not that big of a deal.” it is actually. but let’s not comment too much on it. for the sake of well—not getting lectured again.

“that’s very rude.” she huffs, shifting to trap his foot between her ankles. “i don’t think i like your definition of funny.” whatever it may be. she’s not sure. the thought process skips from one beat to another entirely. notes the sudden lack of distance between them, the stir in her chest, and promptly dismisses it for what it is. wistful thinking. 

“uh, yes, i’m hoping to see an occamy! i hear there’s a nest nearby…” her fingers work with unwrapping the licorice wand, rambling off the top of her head. “but then we’ll have to be super careful since they’re territorial but that’s the fun part—oh, and then shopping, of course—i wanna see what kind of books they have on erklings,” serin shifts in her seat, eyes shining and lips wide with excitement already, “what about you?”

her hand lifts then, pressing the wand against his lower lip. “eat it.” a pause. lips puckering slightly in contemplation. then, a tiny nod. as if finally coming to an agreement with herself. “just half.” 

that’ll be like what, 5 calories then? that’s okay right? 

quirking a brow, jaehyun gives her a curious look. “you probably already know this,” some laughter. “but even if there really is a nest nearby, it’ll undoubtedly be protected under the law. and you know, hypothetically, if we were to break the law and try to see it anyway, they could kill us.” then, a cough. “isn’t it also laying season or something? yeah, so never mind what i said earlier. they will kill us.”

“i’m thinking more of like, uh, visiting that herbology shop so i can get more stuff to brew some more psychoactive potions, and getting some new books, and drinking butterbeer, and sitting by the lake when the sun sets. you know, normal stuff.” jaehyun’s been trying to leave all the lawlessness and the rule-breaking and the reckless endangerment that defined his years at yosul behind him. that kind of energy was just too chaotic: he’s too old for that now.

when she proffers, he bites. the licorice, of course. because he knows exactly what she’s up to, jaehyun lets it rest on his lips for a moment, staring dead straight ahead at her, before deciding not to make a fuss and parting his lips for a bite. “finish it serin. i got it for you.”

when the train comes to a stop and the conductor announces their arrival, he flashes her a playful smile, stuffing the rest of the snacks into his backpack and standing quickly.

absolutely ridiculous. 

a year is a long time. long enough for her to learn, grow up, and get over herself. and him. and whatever this is that makes her feel like she’s gonna fall out of her chair the moment jaehyun walks through the door. it’s been a whole year since last (if you can even call it last, stealing glances and awkward politeness on her end.) and she can’t imagine that he isn’t wondering why she would ask to meet him like this.

so, to say things have gone awry already is an understatement. meihua tells herself again and again that she just has to see this through, drink her tea and nod along. it’s not like she’d expect jaehyun to do anything but go easy on her, keep his distance and be disgustingly polite about the whole thing. exactly what she should want, just great. 

the door bell chimes, the door to the café opens and then falls back to a close. she catches a glimpse of him across the room, and for a moment considers if it’ll be better to ignore him or call him over. neither seems appealing, to be honest. 

in the year of his absence, he wonders how much, if anything, has changed. meihua, in particular, seemed very much like a bud when he last left her and everyone else. it’s gotta be something important if she’s hitting him up like this. he isn’t one to refuse.

jaehyun swings open the door; his eyes quickly scan the vicinity for her face. when his eyes lock on hers, he grins and performs a friendly salute, then does a little jog over to the table she’s seated at. a hug seems inappropriate, so he pulls out the chair across from her, seats himself, and relaxes into the wooden frame of the seat with a sigh.

                                                                       ☾

it’s odd. peculiar how things fall into place. how easy it is for lee harin to walk away and yoon jaehyun to follow. trail behind her tail with a winning smile and the positive force of the sun (not that she ever even asked for it). she’s never asked for any of this at all. not that he cared. but that’s normal. most men don’t care.

“congratulations.” she retorts just as quick, tone equally as flat. there’s no particular way or reason behind it. why he follows her (or maybe he has answered and it’d never seem good enough) and why she hates him so (why wouldn’t she? in the face of something so opposite of herself). as far as harin’s concerned, it’s been that way since—however long. a gradual antagonizing play of push and pull. 

“yes, but a familiar face is not the same as a friendly face. i’m sure you have better company somewhere waiting.” harin replies pointedly, eyes lifting to meet his at his words. finding for the first time since their reunion, the slightest pause that takes to her. slightest shift in the gameplay here. a forked path up ahead or something like that. and the hyeon mu could guess from the glint in his eye that he knew fully well what the verdict was. annoying. boys are always so damn annoying. grates on her nerves to a fault that she doesn’t want to admit to a fact they both know to be true. 

great. what now?

“i’m heading out, not back to the dorms.” read carefully now. it’s not a no. or a fuck off. “i don’t care what you do.” bratty. she knows it. doesn’t care too much to elaborate otherwise. instead, takes a careful step to the right to bypass him, heading for the exit. 

the words aren’t even done coming out of her mouth when jaehyun begins to furrow his brow, partly in confusion but largely in concern. in an unforeseen outburst of confidence — better yet, a lack of fear — he steps in front of her, stops her in her tracks.

“hey, no, like, i’m not about to stunt on you if you don’t want me to. you can’t say ‘i’m sure you have better company somewhere waiting’ blah blah blah,” he smiles, teasing her. “and then say ‘i don’t care what you do’ two seconds later.” one hand gripping the spin of his book, the other slipping loosely into his pocket, jaehyun appears more candid and upright than ever. “like i said, i’m kind of... straight up asking you if you want to catch up?”

he smiles awkwardly (it’s more of a simper than anything else). “if not, then that’s totally cool. i don’t care much for beating around the bush though. i’m just trying to maintain and cultivate the relationships that i have for as long as possible. that kind of thing is important to me.”

she never does anything premeditated anymore. or. okay, not like this. purposely taking routes avoiding her usual favorite food stalls is premeditated. spilling her drink in front of a cute boy is premeditated. this? following yoon jaehyun to a neighboring village early morning? this is more of a on a whim thing. a sure, i’ll go wherever you go thing. 

it’s not like she minds, anyway. after a year abroad, staying stagnant in one place is—boring. drab. uninspired. just like watching paint dry. and she had lost so much time already, considering she still hasn’t graduated.

“heeey.” her tone carries a small whine, watching while he sits opposite of her. she leans forward then, setting her phone down (2048 can wait) to fold her arms over each other, chin resting on top. whatever bit of irritation dissipated, instead, serin fixates on the sweets on the table with a quiet gulp. tempting. but she’s nowhere near her goal weight.

“you’re soooo not being fair right now,” she makes a noise at his tongue. gross. ugh, boys. “i can’t, i don’t want to break my streak—i’ve been doing so good, you know, i even walked around campus after dinner the other day. i’m trying to make that into a thing and everything.” serin explains to maybe deaf ears, fingers picking through the assortment of sweets despite herself. “how many calories is in a licorice wand anyway?”

7? 10? it can’t be that much right?

his laugh catches her ears before she makes a decision (let’s not fool anyone though, her fingers are already wrapped around one). eyes turning up to meet his with a tiny frown. “are you laughing at me, yoon jaehyun?” her legs shift under the table, kicking at his shoe lightly.

“that’s so dumb,” he blurts the syllables out without much care or thought. in the several seconds of silence that ensue, jaehyun regrets being that harsh. for some reason, the thought of serin, who looks literally perfect the way she is, wanting to conform to a different standard for merlin knows what reason is irritating to him. a deep breath, then he opens his mouth once more: “what i mean is, like, your motivation for losing weight or whatever seems incredibly extrinsically motivated—”

ugh, he’s getting preachy again. jaehyun cuts himself short, shakes his head.

okay. third try. “so... what i actually mean is you have complete autonomy over your body. i just want to make sure you’re giving this—” he palms her forehead, playfully pushes it back. “—as much attention as you do your weight.” please don’t hit me.

“and so what if i’m laughing at you?” a flirtatious kick is returned. “you’re a funny person.” he smiles his impish smile and it lights up his face. then, jaehyun leans his elbow on the table, rests his chin in his palm in some strange, sudden bout of lethargy. honest eyes examine serin’s face: the curve of her nose, the color of her lips. he hasn’t really looked at her in a long time.

it’s practically the law of human nature to take things for granted.  an especially sunny day? could be cooler, how’m i supposed to play quidditch when i’m drenched three layers down? perfect score? anything but and i’d be six feet under. fresh out of underwear?…well, there’s no way to resolve that one with words alone.

but let’s backtrack, shall we?

haewon’s thighs are burning by the time she plants her feet on the ground, the weather a lukewarm 32°C, which is to say that she’s not looking– or smelling– her best. the trek home is pure, sweaty torture but she’d left her laundry running just before practice. which in hindsight is a terrible idea, though the thought doesn’t occur to her until she’s frantically prying open every single unmanned washing machine in hopes of finding the only batch of clothes she’d bothered to bring to school. 

…desperate times call for desperate measures.

[ txt ↪ boob ] why are u asking me to do this [ txt ↪ boob ] i have things to do too

a heavy bead of sweat runs down the length of jaehyun’s temple. he studies her messages carefully before slipping it back into his pocket.

and then pulling it out again.

[ txt ↪ boob ] is it quidditch practice? what happened to ur change of clothes [ txt ↪ boob ] u can’t just deal with it? did u piss yourself or something [ txt ↪ boob ] why can’t i jsut break into your place and get your shit [ txt ↪ boob ] if i buy you your *nderwear will you pay me back [ txt ↪ boob ] i have class again in an hour dummy

            it’s nice to have a rare, calm day. he spends it in a t-shirt and sweatpants, a record spinning peacefully in the living room. little chores are enough to keep him occupied. he dusts and reorganizes and feeds the mandrakes and gives little taizi a well-deserved bath. he cooks a dinner large enough for a family and packs away the leftovers to bring as lunch to school over the next week. it’s a good day, and yun definitely needed some time in isolation after everything that’s been happening around him. a breather, to center himself and refocus on what’s important. so when there’s a knock on his door, yun’s in a much better place to greet whoever’s on the other side.

            he shouldn’t be surprised to see jaehyun. his sunbae has been living in the same building for a month or two now, and it’s not surprising to see him coming in or out. but the fact that he’s actually at yun’s door has him breaking into a bright grin. jaehyun is uncomplicated, and even pleasant to be around. he can’t think of a better person to bring into his zen day. 

            “i wouldn’t feel like such a lightweight if i didn’t have hyungs pressuring me to drink,” he teases. “and yes, i ate. are you finally getting to unpacking?” he’ll have to remember to bring his wand along with him, though he usually doesn’t leave the house without it regardless. “hyung, if you’re hungry i could bring some leftovers over. i made pork belly for dinner and it turned out surprisingly well.”

“i’d love some pork belly: that sounds amazing. i’ve been eating out way too much... rich people problems,” he jokes. “and, maybe listen to your hyungs? the only way you get better at drinking is if you do it more often, you know.” an indistinct pause, followed by a muted chuckle that he lets escape his lips. in true wicked fashion, jaehyun loves observing inebriated people; yun seems like the best to watch. he can’t wait for him to sink (just two or three drinks in, he’s betting?).

but more on that later.