bbuing bbuing desu!!

the first song he sang was cute and kept me smiling and it was no biggie. but the second song was much stronger and he sang with such emotion in his voice and on his face that i was knocked speechless. he sang with his eyes closed the entire time, as if tuning out his surroundings to focus on putting his all into this small little open concert, and when it was over and he opened his eyes again there was this look on his face. it was like he forgot there were people watching and when he came back to reality he re-saw all these supporters and it was just this indescribable thing that flashed across his face of him still being so touched by having fans.

the whole time i was watching the video, especially during the second song, my mind wandered to that clip in I Am where trainee ming was so frustrated that he didn't want to continue practicing. comparing that moment to the raw feelings he had in this fancam reminded me how of hard he's worked to get where he is today and how much of himself he's devoted to us and idk, it just touched my heart so much ;~~;

and then, of course, my mind hates me and wants me to dwell on these kinds of things so i started wondering why he'd be so surprised at seeing fans clap for him and i just really hope he knows that he deserves everything he's given, that he's earned it through dedication and kindness and everything else that we know him to have.

this is the fancam if you want to try and see for yourself... i think i'm over-analyzing it but aahhh it really got to me and i don't even think i explained myself well here but it's times like these where i feel like i'm cheating on mi or something and can i just have 2 ultimate biases... T_____T