PRESS REWIND.

HAN: Testing, testing 1, 2, 3. Is this thing on?

MADS: why, if it isn't my knight in shining armor!!!

MADS: thanks for lifting a deli for me. well, for everyone else, too, but specifically the one causin me some troubles.

MASON: how do you know there isn't some internal damage madison????

MASON: pls do. i can meet you at the hospital

MASON: im okay i've got a place

MASON: a few are not all dependin on where its going

MADS: oh. ok.

MASON: my place of normal residence has been destroyed but luckily i wasnt there

MASON: pls keep me updated on when you get out

MADS: oh fuck

MADS: you can stay with me. i've got plenty of room. you can even take the bed and i can buy an air mattress or something.

MADS: i don't know if my roommate is home but you can climb the fire escape because my bedroom window doesn't lock

MASON: you're trapped??? do i need to come find you???

MASON: idk someone started blowing shit up. i'm fine.

MADS: i'm pretty sure this is a job for the fire department. we're pretty buried.

MADS: maybe i'll find a fireman husband.

MASON: hey pls tell me ur okay

MASON: pls tell me that nothing happened to u

[THREE HOURS LATER]

MADS: i'll be fine

MADS: i'm trapped somewhere with some other people but they haven't been able to get to us yet, but i'm not super hurt or anything

BOLT [unsent]: Okay, true.

BOLT: You’re very difficult sometimes, did you know that?

BOLT: NUMBA 1, I could absolutely our dad you!! I’ve been listed as a Daddy AND Zaddy in multiple Ranker hero lists. Survey says I’m the daddliest. NUMBA 2... WHY? You can’t expect me to choose. That’s impossible.

BOLT: No, I changed with a very tiny brunette who talked to a redhead at a karaoke bar and perhaps... did some more than that.

BOLT: and now i’m certain it was you

MADS: yes

MADS: baby, i don't think that's what they meant when they called you "daddy" i'm js

MADS: what's a zaddy? i'll out zaddy you too whatever it is. just bc i'm not out publicly saving the world doesn't mean i'm not the daddest gal in all the land.

MADS [unsent]: highgbvfdnfhuifsdhu

Worst news ever, really. Not being able to watch Ella Enchanted that is. But you’re getting the best fuckin’ pizza so hopefully that’s making up for it a little.

Right? What a crime. I mean, I guess I could watch it on my phone now while I eat, but I started scrolling through the r/WholesomeMemes and honestly, that’s not a terrible alternative. It’s a pretty spiffy pizza, though. Five stars on Yelp.

Girl, you deserve to treat yourself! We all deserve to treat ourselves. Not only did you live life in someone else’s body for a week, which was not fun on my end like at all, but now you’re braving the darkness! You’re a fucking warrior princess. I’m basically a warrior princess too, so I know what I’m talking about. I hope you’re getting yourself some Taco Bell for dessert after that pizza, because you deserve it. I’m also going to get Taco Bell because fuck it.

Also, Princess Diaries is always my Anne Hathaway movie of choice.

And I hope your power comes back soon. You’re welcome to come chill with me and the squad if it doesn’t!

You deserve to treat yourself. I hope no one did anything shady in that hot bod of yours! I got pretty lucky, I guess, because I stayed pretty cute and, really, the worst thing that happened was not being able to perform for a week. Do you know how much I’m digging this warrior princess aesthetic? We should get our asses some matching bumper stickers. Oh man, I wasn’t going to push my luck with that Taco Bell, but is there ever a bad time for a cheesy gordita crunch? What’s your Taco Bell order? That’s the important question, here.

You can never go wrong with Princess Diaries. Both are on Netflix, though, so a marathon is totally in the realm of possibility. 

Listen, it’d be an honor to chill with your squad. You’re pretty rad. 

Having a different face is pretty stressful, y’know? I’ll admit that I miss the red hair and all of the stray cats that wanted to follow me home, but that was not a body built for Taco Bell, which is a tragedy. Anyway, as is the usual trend when I’m not quite on the up & up, all I wanted to do tonight after work is eat some mac and cheese and watch Ella Enchanted, but no. My building’s power is out. Terrible prank, Universe. 

Anyway, I improvised by camping myself in the pizza place down the street and trying to eat an entire pie by myself in exchange for the free WiFi, so I guess I can’t complain too much. Here’s to hoping y’all have power, your amazing Anne Hathaway movie of choice, and some carbs to complete your Thursday. 

BOLT: I didn't say I think there's moments you're not cute! I just said you needed to stop it. There's a difference. I think. It doesn't matter, stop scrambling my noggin.

BOLT: You can't say I would be a bad dad to an imaginary baby just because of false articles. I would be the raddest, baddest, daddest dad this side of the Mississippi!! As long as you use a Bolt pun, and use a photo of ME, you're free to make your article title whatever you want. I won't stop you. Free publicity.

BOLT: NO! That movie uses a lot of red. We're back to our original problem of red making me look pink sometimes. It's not good for pictures.

BOLT: Right. Wonderful. Great to know.

BOLT: So, and bear with me here on this next question but...

BOLT: Are you... do you still look like you, or have you maybe changed your looks to something more (ironically) red? Asking for a friend.

MADS: I can’t turn it off. It’s a permanent mode. (:

MADS: NUMBA 1, you’ll never be able to out dad me. i’m the dadliest catch. NUMBA 2, you have to decide if you want your picture or a bolt pun. you can’t have both.

MADS: oh jesus christ

MADS [unsent]: YOU SURE WEREN’T COMPLAINING WHEN YOU HAD SOME RED ON YOU THAT NIGHT amiright