i will hear my voice this time

[ @missglenda· ]

Peter tried his best not to have the thought of his kiss with Glenda on New Years Eve rattling around his brain consistently. He acted as if it was no big deal at the time, mainly because of how sudden it was and there was no way he was going to ruin things by addressing the kiss. But hell, it was driving him mental. How soft her lips felt against his, the taste of all the alcohol she drank on her tongue, the fact that he could even form proper sentences around her now was astonishing.

He was lucky there was still some time for them not to face each other before going back to school, but once returning to Hogwarts he didn’t want to make things weird. Peter was going to act normal, maybe if he was lucky she wouldn’t have even remembered the kiss herself.

To the best of his abilities, Peter stayed cool any time he saw Glenda though his gaze did drift from time to time, sometimes the two of them unable to look one another in the eye or a speedy, awkward escape after a shoddy excuse. He was doing his best to improve at staying normal around here and as he was on his way out of class he caught a glimpse of her in the crowded corridors. Instead of acting like he didn’t notice her, he walked over and stood in front of her waiting for her to notice him.

“Hey, Glenda. I was just headin’ out for a little smoke break, did you uh, wanna come join?”

It was usually a mess in Glenda’s head - never stopping, always thinking about one, two, ten things at once, always way too aware of herself and always wondering when the next opportunity to embarrass herself would come that she can’t avoid no matter how much she would want to. But ever since New Years Eve and that kiss, ever since she found out what it was like to feel his lips against hers, it was a whole new mess in her head. She didn’t really know what to do with it, how to think about anything else but that kiss or wonder what it really meant, especially after Peter didn’t even seem to care about it all while all she wanted was to do it again and again and countless more times, if that was possible.

And that stupid, dumb, annoying, sexy dream had to happen and even just thinking about it made Glenda turn completely red, but at the same time, she couldn’t get it out of her head even more than the kiss and she literally had no idea how she was going to be able to stand in front of Peter after it, because she was sure she was not going to be able to utter a word after seeing his pe-- well, his dream pe-- that.

She wasn’t going to think about it. She wasn’t going to think about it. She wasn’t going to thi-

And suddenly Peter was standing in front of her and all she could see was that dream and think about his lips against hers and she had to force herself from looking at his lips or even worse, his crotch, because she was cool. He was cool about all of this, so she was cool about it too, and he did not need to know about that dream, nothing, never. And still, her “P-Peter, hi. Hello, hi,” came off as weird and awkward and stutter-y and she might have been looking at his shoulder instead of his eyes. Because if she looked into his eyes, she would be so far gone. Or, well, more gone than she already was.

Peter maneuvered carefully through the crowd after grabbing their drinks and watched Glenda jumping around and dancing. He stopped in his tracks and a dopey smile spread across his face while he admired from afar. She looked so cute enjoying herself, was this even legal? Should he even be thinking about how cute she was, what was going on with him?

He had to chug most of his drink to actually have the courage to go back to her otherwise he’d just be staring from afar like a weirdo. “Hey-hi…yeah I’m back. Just uh, just like I said.” he stammered with an awkward chuckle as she came in front of him looking like a ray of sunshine. “Here you go.” he leaned back a little in an attempt to relieve some of the shyness he was feeling as he handed her the cup that he had been drinking from before realizing his mistake and handed her the full one. “You’re definitely having lots of fun it looks like…and, I mean I’m not saying I’ll do it just yet, but you think singing karaoke is going to be even more fun than this?”

“Thank you,” she said with a smile as she reached for the cup Pete was handing to her and then let out a small chuckle as he quickly switched the two cups up, probably realizing he was handing her his own cup. She took a sip and she could feel the burning sensation of the alcohol going through her entire body, warming her up from the inside (not that it wasn’t already hot) – and once again it was such a nice, new, exciting feeling that she had to giggle. She kept the cup at her lips as she cocked her head to the side, listening to Pete’s question.

It was so nice of him to even think about it even though he clearly didn’t want to do it, she couldn’t keep the grin off of her face. “Are you asking this because you wanna do it or because I asked and you don’t wanna be rude or something?” she asked, genuinely curious of the answer, but quickly added. “Because I really wanna do it, it sounds like it would be so much fun, but I don’t want you to do it just because I asked you to and then feel awkward or not enjoy it or both. I mean, not that I assume that you would do it just because I asked you, but you know I don’t want you to do it if you don’t wanna.” The rambling was still there but somehow she didn’t feel the awkwardness and the embarrassment that she felt most of the time and she wished she could feel like this other times too. “And to answer your question, not really sure if it will be as much fun, never tried it before. I’ve always been scared of it, but it does look like a lot of fun.”

Gilderoy shrugged gracefully. He hadn’t given much thought into the exact mechanics of achieving the fame he wanted, he only knew in his bones that it would happen. After all, a face like his wasn’t made for obscurity. His parents had assured him as much for as long as he could remember. It wasn’t as if he didn’t have the talents to achieve the fame, but rather a bit of fecklessness in finding the path.

“Oh, I’ve not decided yet. Something wonderful, surely.”

Glenda smiled at him and nodded. Gilderoy was amazing, so she was sure whatever he decided later down the line, it would happen and he would become famous. He deserved it, that one thing Glenda was sure of.

“In that case, what do you want to do after Hogwarts?“ she asked, curiously. She finally calmed down enough to at least have a normal conversation with him because she was not overthinking everything anymore, and she wanted to use that as much as she could. You couldn’t pick on the brain of such amazing person every day, after all.

Reggie didn’t much care for the height difference, with Glenda on the floor and him towering above her. It felt strange, it felt weird and wrong, and he was quick to slide down the wall himself, to seclude himself in this sitting place with her, at the edge of the crowd so that they could chat face to face, and not with a weird height difference making it feel awkward. Still, he laughed when she complimented him, twice no less, and offered a quick shake of his head, brushing it off. “Nah, my family throws a really good party. I’m only a small piece of it.”

As far as his singing voice, sure he felt a little bit of pride in it, he enjoyed entertaining, but it didn’t stop him from heating up a little. Grateful that it was a dark room, because Reggie didn’t blush, it just wasn’t who he was. “Well thanks. Are you gonna grace us with a song, too? I’d even offer to sing one with you, if you wanted.”

“Well, I mean, it’s still pretty cool, no matter how many parts of it was specifically you,” Glenda shrugged, wondering for a second how much work must have actually gone into getting this party organized and prepared as well as it was. “Is it always this crazy, by the way? I heard you and your family throw a similar party every year and it just seems kind of insane right now, so I imagine it was similar the previous years too? How long have you guys thrown these parties? Where did the family tradition come from? Was the karaoke your idea? Did... I am rambling, aren’t I?” she asked, realizing she’s been kind of just throwing questions at Reggie which he might even not know the answer to, and even if he did, it probably didn’t matter.

She looked over at him in surprise. “You would?” she asked back with a huge grin spreading across her face, getting excited. “I mean, you’re way too good of a singer compared to me, so it would be just way too embarrassing for me, but that is so nice of you to offer, oh gosh! Thank you so much!” she said, throwing her arms around him in a weird motion that the wall behind their back allows them. “You know, I wouldn’t actually take you up on your offer like I said, you’re way too good compared to me,” she added after she pulled back, “you’re way too good, but it’s so nice of you! You kind of made my night! Would you wanna dance some, though? Since we're not singing? Because dancing is at least as much fun than singing!”

It was such a stupid thought. Not a kid anymore. They were all still kids. Teenagers were just kids that had gotten taller, maybe knew a little bit more. They’d learned to walk and talk, they’d learned to read and write, but they knew next to nothing about the world. They were big kids with big dreams, most of them. Finding little pleasures was never a bad thing. Some people enjoyed swinging on a swing, some enjoyed drinking to excess, some enjoyed all manner of things. And yet people treated enjoying things as a crime. ‘It’s never a crime to enjoy something, so called childish things or otherwise.’ Was all Annie could offer in response, a small shrug.

She considered the question. She’d been told that she needed to slow down, to actually enjoy her youth, exactly the opposite of what Glenda was talking about, so she offered a simple shake of her head. The karaoke mention made her laugh, though and she had to comment on it. ‘I dunno, if I got up there, people would likely be bored just listening to an instrumental. But I’ll definitely head inside and watch you if you decide to get up there.’

“I don’t plan on stopping,“ Glenda grinned up at the girl. She got the ugly looks and she kind of felt bad about them, but she loved swings way too much to actually stop using them. The joy was way too nice.

Glenda tilted her head in a wondering motion. “How would you do it?” she asked, curious, before quickly specifying. “You know, the karaoke. If you were forced up on the stage. Would you write out the lyrics with your wand or kind of try to act the lyrics out? Because I am pretty sure if you went with the latter one, you would be so popular and everyone would love you!” Suddenly she had a picture of Annie trying to act out some of the most ridiculous songs and she had to giggle. “It would be quite the sight for sure.”

She shrugged and took a couple of sips from her drink as she shifted around, but sitting comfortably on the ground just wasn’t an option apparently, so she ended up lying back on the ground. She spread her hands out, with one hand still holding onto the cup, and stared up at the stars. “Tried to convince people to sing with me, but it didn’t really work out, so you might not have to get inside. Well, you know, Reggie offered, but he is actually so good I suddenly felt too intimidated.”

This wasn’t really a good position either, and Glenda found herself switching positions once again, now lying on her stomach, putting the weight of her upper body on her forearms and tilting her head to the left and then to the right as she looked up at Annie and asked the first thing that popped into her head. “If you could only eat one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be?”

A house full of people was exactly the kind of thing Reggie liked to see. People having fun, people getting drunk, people dancing. Here and there, he saw a few people slip off together, and he’d made sure to make nice little signs to let them know exactly where they could slip off to for their fun, clearly marking rooms so that no one ended up in his parent’s bed. Ever the gracious host, Reggie was. It was also great fun listening to all of the drunken karaoke, seeing the spirit and the light in the room. And, of course, casual dress code. None of that fancy shit. 

As he slipped out of the kitchen, where he’d grabbed his third drink and chatted a bit with his brother, he glanced around, the bodies in the room almost making it hard to see anything, and he took a sip of his own drink. He’d been drinking less lately, which was maybe a good sign. And besides, he had to keep an eye on his own party.

A little grin tugged at his lips as he moved through the crowd, giving little ‘hello’s and ‘how’s it going’s as he passed, until he found a nice spot to survey the crowd, take a break for a moment, and he pressed his back to the wall, glanced to his left to see he wasn’t alone. “Having fun?”

Glenda really loved dancing.She usually didn’t do it among such a big crowd, just behind the closed door of her own room or sometimes in the dormitory when nobody really was around to see how big of a dork she was and how much of an idiot she looked when she was just jumping around the room, moving her hips side to side, completely wrapped up in the music. But the firewhiskey she drank kind of solved that.

She couldn’t tell how many songs she dances through, she lost count pretty fast, but she only stopped when she felt like her feet were going to give out from under her. She pushed herself through the crowd to the side of the dance floor and with her back against the wall, she slid down onto the floor.

She didn’t notice she managed to sit down next to Reggie until he spoke and she grinned up at him. “Lots of fun, yeah. You throw really good parties, you know? And you kind of have a really good voice, I heard your karaoke with Gladys.”

The way that Rodolphus had easily taken such a liking to Glenda was honestly beyond her. He was able to put his faith in people while Narcissa would be consumed with skepticism. She was slowly easing up to Glenda but she was still too talkative for Narcissa’s taste and it was hindering her ability to truly trust this girl was suitable in hers and Rods ranks.

Narcissa nodded her head slowly, very sure that she didn’t believe Glenda when she said that she “obviously” had attended a party like this. She knew that she brought it up herself, though she realized her mistake after remembering who it was that she was talking to. There was no way that this wasn’t Glenda’s first time at an elegant, high-class party. Of course, she didn’t want to embarrass the poor girl even more (she toppled over a waiter for Merlin’s sake) so instead, Narcissa played along. 

❝Right, yes, of course. That’s a good idea. Sort of taking on the role of someone who has no clue what it is they’re doing here.❞ she was doing her best not to make the sarcasm in her voice obvious but even if Glenda knew that Narcissa knew, she wasn’t sure if she would admit it and come clean. ❝Anything you’d like me to assist you with?❞

So, it was most than likely that Narcissa didn’t believe a word Glenda said about this not being her first time at a fancy party even though the Slytherin girl didn’t call her out on it. Glenda honestly doubted Cissa would be so dumb not to see through her really bad fake-story, but she was still very grateful that the girl went along with her story.

And then Cissa offered to help out with anything, and technically she didn’t know yet what she would write yet or how, but she definitely had enough experiences to ramble about what a party like this was from a newbie’s perspective, and she didn’t want to ask something that would ruin this perspective, but she did have one thing she was dying to ask.

She reached to her back with one hand and put her weight from one foot to another (how did Cisso make wearing those heels so easy, Glenda has no idea, her feet hurt after about 5 minutes in them). “Well, you know, this isn’t really connected to the story, but can you-- so I heard you guys have this huge library in the house somewhere, and I was wondering if I could possibly check that out?”

All of Glenda’s rambling ignited a spark of doubt in the back of Gilderoy’s mind. He knew very little of Regulus’s relationship with his parents, other than that his boyfriend preferred not to speak of his family life at all. So what if Gil hadn’t actually received an invitation? They’d planned a date, a real date. And that mattered more than an elite party. Right? Surely.

He wiped the perturbed expression off his face as fast as he could. Gilderoy Lockhart was supposed to be unflappable after all. Wouldn’t do to have a fan see him worry. He pasted his smile back on and looked at her through his eyelashes as she rambled on about her future private library.

“Of course you’ll have a library, and you’ll be a journalist and I, world-famous. All our dreams accomplished in one fell swoop, hmm?”

Glenda couldn’t decide if she saw pain, confusion, anger or if all of it together pass through Gilderoy’s expression, but then it was over and he turned back to being cheerful and she couldn’t tell if it was sincere or not, but she also didn’t want to push. She just hoped she didn’t stir up too much trouble by opening up her big mouth.

She could feel herself blush at his compliment, that he actually believed she could achieve her dreams. She wasn’t so sure about it yet, there was so many things she needed to do to get there. She was a rambling mess most of the time, and when did a babbling mess ever become an actual journalist? She wasn’t surprised, however, by the fact that he wanted to be world famous, and she had no doubt in her mind that he would achieve it.

“What do you wanna be famous for?“ she asked curiously.

“Kiss me at midnight? More like…. More like fuck me at midnight. Am I right?” Benjy said to no one in particular as he raised the bottle to his lips, taking a long swig from it. Maybe he was feeling a little sloppy, but fuck it it was New Years, right? Time to get drunk off his ass and celebrate, right? 

Glenda’s eyes widened and for a second her usual self returned. “I--you know-- I never really had a kiss at midnight before, so I think I am going to skip this new version of the tradition,” she said with a nod. She never really kissed anyone, but yeah, nobody had to know this. “But have fun with the new tradition? Do I say that or not? It sounds kind of weird to wish you fun for sex, but also, what else should anyone wish, right? Can’t exactly say break a leg or something like that, that would be even weirder...”

“Hey,” Sirius drawled, pointing a tipsy finger at the person walking towards (or more likely past) him. “Blurry is a good look on you.”

“You mean... me?” Glenda stared for probably way too long at Sirius Black in confusion and then looked over her shoulder because she assumed he just couldn’t be talking to her.

It seemed as though she was still set on the idea of karaoke but at least he was able to distract the thought even for a little bit. He was used to being stupid, embarrassing himself in front of people with the help of his friends. Maybe he would agree to it after a few more drinks but right now the thought of singing extremely off key and out of time in front of a group of people he’d have to see back at school soon was out of the question.

“Yeah, no I’ll go get us some. I’ll be right back.” he told her, slowly walking backwards as he backed away from her. “You just…just think about how much fun firewhiskey is, yeah? No thinking about songs or music or singing. None of that nonsense.” he told her, pointing at her with his empty drink in his hand. He was mostly joking because he doubted he’d be able to keep her mind off of this plan but maybe she would think he was just witty rather than an asshole. “I’ll be right back,” he repeated as a reminder, “so don’t move.”

“Sounds like a perfect plan, yes, definitely not moving,” Glenda nodded as she watched Pete walk backward towards what was probably the kitchen and then disappear. She really did want to sing and she kind of wanted to see how long he would last and if she could convince him to sing, but at the same time, it seemed like singing was something he really didn’t want to do, and she didn’t want him to feel pressured into it. She wanted to have fun and now that he was getting them drink, she really hoped they could have fun together, but something they both would enjoy.

Half a minute after he disappeared, the song change and it was one of Glenda’s favorites and even though the person karaoke-ing it was pretty much butchering the song, Glenda started jumping around, dancing, singing along with the crowd from the top of her lungs. It was nearing the end of the song when in the mids of her jumping, she turned around and saw Pete approach with two cups in his hand and she grinned at him and continued jumping and dancing until the song actually ended, and only then she jumped in front of him, a little bit closer then intended but she didn't realize that and beamed up at him happily. “Hi. You’re back.”

Frank stood beside Glenda on his questionable cup of beer.He stared at the person singing. They were slightly off key, but he actuallydid recognize the song. Spotting movement in the corner of his eyes he turnstowards with a smile. It was good to see someone enjoying themselves. Well lotsof people seem to be enjoying themselves at this new years party. He hummed thesong and almost missed what Glenda asked him.

His eyes widen into miniature saucers at the mention ofdoing karaoke. He wasn’t that trashed.. or was he? “I.I..I..” He stutterstrying to grasp the words he was trying to get out. “I ..will am freak… out…. But oklet’s do..” Squinting his playful eyes down at her he whispers in a screech. “Areyou sure? Merlin I mean my voice.. is not very….sing..y..”

Glenda waited for Frank to reply through the music and he didn’t really seem sure of both himself and his answer, and she did wonder how much he had to drink already. Not that she wasn’t drunk (though technically she couldn’t determine if she was drunk or not because she’s never been drunk before so she could have been tipsy too, as far as she knew; what was certain that she felt giddy and didn’t have her usual boundaries that made her a socially inept person, she was just really rambly).

“I am not really- I am not really, you know, good either,“ she tried to loud-whisper back, but she couldn’t even hear her voice, which just meant that there was no chance in hell he would actually hear what she said, so in the middle of the sentence she just started it all over again kind of quietly screaming now - she didn’t want a moment where the song ends and she keeps screaming for everyone to hear. That would be way too awkward. “You think we shouldn’t sing? You think it’s a bad idea? I mean, I think it could be fun but maybe it wouldn’t be the best, but also I kind of already peeked on what songs we could choose from and there were so many good ones so I kinda wanna do it but now I also kind of not wanna do it so you think we should do it?“

Why did girls have to have the insane power to control him with the power of adorable puppydog eyes? Especially Glenda and it wasn’t helping that she leaned in closer to him as well. He let out a soft chuckle as she begged and he continued to shake his head trying not to be tempted. “That just isn’t fair. That look that-it’s practically cheating ya know.” he pointed out, looking back over at her from the corner of his eye.

She had some good points, and he already hated the idea of disappointing her because who in the world would want to make Glenda sad? But that awkward feeling in his gut thinking of getting up there and looking stupid seemed to take over. “You know what’s a lot of fun? Firewhisky. Lots and lots of firewhisky. Everyones doing that too, that is my kinda fun. Maybe I should go get us some.” he commented, pointing back towards the direction of the kitchen. He wasn’t sure it would get him out of it but it was definitely worth a shot.

Glenda grinned happily because he might have not said yes right away, but he did say the eyes were working which she hoped would mean it was only a matter of time before he would agree. It was really cute though, how he tried to get out of it, but then again, he was really cute in general, so that was not surprising at all. Maybe it would have been better to just let it go and not embarrass herself in front of him with her voice, but it just seemed so much fun.

But then he offered the firewhiskey and she could still feel that one she has in her throat and it warming her entire body and kind of fueling her and it was such a good feeling and she could still try to convince him of the singing once he was back. She made a big show of thinking it over first, though, before she nodded. “Firewhiskey does sound fun, to be honest, it’d be so nice of you to bring us some but we’re definitely not done with me trying to convince you to karaoke.”

Mile a minute Glenda had been drinking. Annie could tell it the moment the girl opened her mouth, and she offered only the smallest of smirks, strained against the nerves bubbling in her stomach. But she did her best to stop her guard from jerking up too high, after all, she was perfectly safe here. Glenda was a butterfly, not a wasp. She took a drag from her cigarette as she watched the girl take a seat on the ground, and she offered a bit of a shrug at the line of questioning. It was a bit hard to explain why she wasn’t having the best time. Hard to explain why she’d showed up in the first place if she wasn’t having the best time. 

She was trying to come out of her shell, or something like that. Trying to be around people more. So far, it had been proving less than successful, as she’d spend the majority of her time hiding outside or in the kitchen with who she assumed was Reggie’s brother, watching him drink and strike out with girls. She sighed softly, shook her head a bit at Glenda and lifted her wand. ‘I’m not good with crowds, but I’m fine. You seem to be enjoying yourself.’

Glenda looked over her shoulder back at the house, which was filled with so many people it looked like nobody really had space to move around even though Glenda knew it wasn’t that crowded in there but she could understand Annie feeling reserved about it all. She kind of felt like that too, but the alcohol helped with that a lot, which was a really welcomed feeling, if Glenda was being honest, especially because she’s never felt this before. It made her giddy and happy and she was definitely going to have to try it other times too.

“That sucks, not being good with crowds, but you found a good spot here with the swing,“ she said with a smile. “Swings are always fun, I love them so much, even now, but people just look way too weird at you when you wanna use them because you’re not a kid anymore.” At that last bit her voice turned a little mocking and she made a face, scrunching up her nose. “Ever happened to you before? And yes, I am enjoying myself. The party is good and some people are really good at singing, which I didn’t even know. Kind of makes you want to try it out.“