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My uni students asked me if they had homework for the holidays and I felt so bad for them and their tired, dead eyes that I told them to just mail me pics of their favorite pokemons.
Three students sent me digimons I can’t fucking trust them with anything I give up
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5 ways to help a Muslim friend struggling with Mental Health
Self esteem is often the first to take a hit for anyone struggling with mental health issues and for Muslims this includes their faith. Folks tend to doubt themselves, their relationship with God and feel valueless. This is where you remind them of all the things that make them amazing, some might seem obvious but remember your friend doesn’t have the best perception of themselves at the moment. Tell them of Allah’s mercy and how he is closer to the believers who are struggling. Tell them of the values of their prayers and how they are closer to Jannah. Also that they’re still an awesome Muslim even they don’t ‘feel’ it. Remind them of their awesome characteristics and all the awesome things they did for their friends and family. Whether it’s a phone call or a coffee date, repeating positive affirmations can go a long way.
Thoughts of suicide are rooted in the feeling of worthlessness. This decision is not made lightly and often justified by feeling like everybody’s life would be better without them. This couldn’t be far from the truth as loss of life always leaves scars on people that love them. So let them know you’re glad they exist, literally. I know from conversations I’ve had, a text like ‘Thanks for existing’ ‘Thanks for choosing to breathe on’ ‘I’m glad you exist’. They can make a world of difference. These are texts validating their existence and acknowledging their struggles. These validations make them feel accepted into the circle and ‘fight the feeling of worthlessness. While we as a community mourn death by suicide we need to start uplifting folks who actively choose not do so every single day. Not giving in to those thoughts requires a lot of strength so let’s make it easier by simply offering kind words.
While our communities are beginning to open up to mental health, we are still far behind. A lot of folks struggling are not even aware that they are showing symptoms. They might seem confused and struggle to identify and seek out help. Meanwhile, there are those who understand what is going on but due to stigmatization and also their personal thoughts they struggle to come out. Either cases, it is important to have more open and positive discussions in community settings. It doesn’t always have to be a Friday sermon or a workshop. Bring it up in everyday conversation, you never know when a closeted suicidal person is listening in and what hope the conversation gives. When you are in these conversations, keep in mind to be supportive and empathetic. If there are folks condemning or invalidating mental struggles, confront the stereotypes and validate their struggles. Perhaps bring up resources they may find useful. This makes the person struggling in hiding more comfortable with themselves and likely to seek help.
This tip gets very personal. While all the above are super important, at the end of the day, professional help is needed. Its not always the stigmatization but admitting vulnerability is never easy. So sometimes it’s upto you as a friend to have that conversation. This step might also require you to be proactive, a person with depression or anxiety maybe unable to take the steps to help themselves. Offer to setup an appointment or maybe drive them to the therapist or be there the first session. Be mindful, this is stepping into someone’s personal lines so be cognizant of how far they are comfortable with you there. Be mindful to only offering to help and only do so if they consent. It is better to step down than to overstep boundaries.
Beware of Burn Out. As you are helping someone with mental struggles, keep a check on your own feelings, be wary of your own health. If you need a break, never feel guilty for needing to step back. It’s okay if your friends struggles are bigger than yours, remember you have to be healthy to help someone else. At the end, when you pace yourself you are able to help a loved one longer and better. You don’t want to be in a position where you project your frustrations on someone you are trying to help. Are these too long? Any more Islamic perspectives? Need subheadings for each para? Also how to conclude?
5 ways to help your Muslim friend struggling with Mental Health
1. Self esteem takes a hit and for Muslims it includes faith. Remind them that they are an amazing person, talk about their characteristics. affirmations all the way. Also remind them that they’re still an awesome Muslim even they don’t ‘feel’ it. Please be genuine.
2. 2. Let them know you’re glad they exist. From suicidal folks a text like ‘Thanks for existing’ Thanks for choosing to breathe on. I’m glad you exist. They can make a world of difference. Suicide is rooted in feeling worthless in existence so let’s remind them why they are significant. Also, these statement acknowledges their struggles with existing everyday. While we as a community feel bad for death by suicide we need to start uplifting Folks who actively choose not do so every single day. Not to give in to those thoughts.
3. Foster environment by creating the dialogue and promoting positive discussions. Be mindful of words and be sure to stand up when you can because a ton of folks are closeted in the community
4. Remember to connect them with resources while all the above are super important much needed,it is crucial to get professional help and resources. So you need to have that convo and it doesn’t always involve drugs or therapy. That’s a whole different conversation. Also this step might require you to be proactive, a person with depression or anxiety maybe unable to take the steps to help themselves so ask (consent is still important) offer them to setup an appointment or maybe drive them there or be there the first session. Be mindful, this is stepping into someone’s personal lines so be cogniscent of how far they want you there.
5. Beware of Burn Out. Please take care of your self and not feel guilty for taking a step back. Rather have less help on a regular basis than to have someone burn out and need help themselves. Take care of yourself so you can help more folks on the long run. Our community needs you.
i swear to god, men raising their voice is the most terrifying thing in the whole world. they dont understand, like its an immediate panic response, game over
I actually had no idea women found this so scary
my downstairs neighbors fight on a regular basis, and every time he starts yelling i’m a little afraid he’s going to kill her. i have no reason to think this except that he is a man and he is angry
My math teacher has a loud voice and a temper and he scares the living shit out of me almost everyday. He’s made me and other kids cry more than once and he and his teacher buddies make a joke out of terrifying students.
this was women in general? i knew my gf didn’t like it but I was unaware if this affected most women
Yes, it does
As a woman, I had no idea it effected other women like this. I was too afraid to even talk about it. I thought I was weak. Thanks for bringing attention to this.
My dad thinks it’s funny that I used to cry when he raised his voice. I freak out whenever some one does. Once my director did, and I started crying I couldn’t stop. I’m glad to see I’m not alone…
This is so important– seeing how common this is– and I also want you all to know that this is not normal. It isn’t something instinctively ingrained into women, to be afraid of men. There is no natural state of men being a threat that women constantly have to be afraid of. This is cultural. So many women and girls here have a mutual understanding of this feeling, and I think it really shows an unsettling truth about our society, particularly about how men are raised to act and how so many women have this defensive reaction gradually develop. It’s so important that these people have their voices heard, because it teaches us about problems that we just can’t deny the existence of any longer.
I’m glad I’m not the only one
My fellow men, pay attention. I didn’t realize how scary this could be until one of my exes explained it to me, and it’s heartbreaking.
Also, when we move too much during an argument, or lean forward, it’s scary, and I never knew. I was even a little insulted at first, because surely she didn’t think I would hurt her. But see, that doesn’t matter. It wasn’t a sign that she mistrusted me specifically; it’s a conditioned response. (Although if you keep doing it once you realize it scares her, she SHOULDN’T trust you.)
Not every woman has been physically harmed by a man she trusted, but every woman KNOWS a woman who has.
I used to be horrible about this, because I didn’t realize how intimidating it was. I didn’t understand why the woman I was with clammed up or tried to tell me what she thought I wanted to hear, and I only got angrier, and acted even more like an asshole. It was wrong. It was abusive. It didn’t matter if I INTENDED it that way; it was still emotionally abusive. And it was inexcusable.
I get that when passions are high, and when you’re frustrated, it’s a natural tendency to let your voice get louder, to shout and gesture and lean forward. But you can train yourself to do better. You can train yourself to keep more of an even tone, to refrain from large and fast gestures, to not lean into her personal space. I did. I’m not perfect at it yet, but goddamn it, I WILL be.
Don’t tell me it’s too hard, that you just can’t do it, or that you “shouldn’t have to.” I’m 53 years old and just now getting the hang of it, and if this old dog can learn something new, so can you.
Note to guys: It really, REALLY doesn’t matter if you’re thinking, “but I would never…”
History is littered with the bodies of women who believed a man “would never.” This includes women killed by men who honestly, deeply, truly believed they “would never”… right up until she said that one thing or moved in just that way and he just got so mad, just that once, and pushed her or punched her or slashed her or shot her… just once, y’know, to shut her up, or because she was flinching and didn’t she know that HE’S NOT LIKE THAT and I’LL TEACH HER TO BE AFRAID OF ME…
We are trained, from infancy, that Men With Loud Voices are a source of pain from which we cannot escape, and attempts to escape may result in more pain. And as soon as we’re old enough to comprehend a world broader than our immediate circle, a world that extends into the past and will run into the future, we realize that there is no way, no way at all, to tell which men “would never” and which men “would never… except if.”
We live or die on that “if.” And any man who doesn’t like facing that hyper-vigilance can work on fixing OTHER MEN, not women’s fear.
The reaction shouldn’t be “not all men are like that;” it should be “no woman should have to live in fear.”
It’s telling that so many people will hear a story of long-term abuse and say, “why did she stay with him?” and not “why did he treat her like that?”
This made me cry.
Don’t skip over this.
Seeing brands pander to minorities now that its trendy is the most annoying thing on the planet because those are the same brands who are destroying the environment, using child labor, and out sourcing labor so they can barely pay their employees a wage. This is about a shitload of brands but I’m looking at you Nike
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When commenting on a matter of suicide, mental illness or abuse or anything that is stigmatized, remember you have friends/families in shadows and they are reading your thoughts. You could be the reason they continue to suffer in silence or finally seek out to help. Please be mindful of what you say, put yourself in their shoes before you say the thing you do.
So came out of the hospital after 3 weeks, ICU, coma and stuff, it was intense and desi aunties cant stop commenting on how much I lost weight. Well no duh I was super sick and barely eating between my 4 surgeries. The sad part is only 2 folks said that with concern, most of them were like wow nice! Its disgusting really, the fatophobia, like people would praise someone sick and dying as long as they are losing weight smh
Kindness: A Forgotten Akhlaq
I was sitting in at a Khutbah after what’s been a while and the Imam goes through a typical sermon, highlighting the issues within the community, emphasising the importance of being genuine in the Deen and not to do it for social media. Hajj is not a vacation but a reflection journey.
But heres the thing, I’ve heard this so many times. Over and over we’ve been reminded of all the wrongs in the religion. What if we changed the narrative. What if the Friday sermon wasn’t a guilt trip but rather a celebration of how we have survived despite the hardships, how we’ve managed to stay float and thrive. How much awesome we are and if we were just kind to ourselves and our communities.
I grew up in a household where it was all about rights and wrongs and who has rights over whom and how Allah ordained this and that and while it may work for some people it’s not the most inclusive. I crave for a Deen that’s supportive, that’s embracing. I crave for an experience that validates struggles.The Islam I want to thrive on is one that’s supportive, appreciative and built on positive reinforcement, validates struggles, the one that values kindness and Wholesomemess.
The emphasis on charity is so apparent in the Qur’an. The second half of Baqarah keeps repeating it and yet we only talk about the financial charity, we skil that the most basic form on charity in Islam is kindness. Kindness in action, in words, make a world of difference. Sometimes even more than finance, we need an Islam people thrive on because of kindness not one that boxes us in fear.
making my way downtown oh my fucking god where am i
#that should not have been as funny as it was
The piano solo I didn’t know existed yet was playing in my head regardless.
the older i get the more i realize what it meant for lily and james potter to die at 21. when you’re 11 and you’re reading the books, watching the films, 21 feels ancient. it did to me. even the actors they picked looked like they were in their thirties, because actual 21 year olds standing next to harry in the mirror would have been an excruciating sight i think. actual 21 year olds lined up in the photo sirius shows harry would have been horrible to see. they weren’t adults. i look at 21 year olds now and most of them are still teenagers. and i’m so sad because you know harry turns 21 and then 22 and then 28 and 29 and realizes how terribly young his parents were, how brave they were, how exceptional they were, GOD I’M SAD IM GETTING A BEER
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Evangeline Lilly Shares Love Advice
Every minute of my existence
Bucket List Completed
1. Go to a premier. Went to see Jessica Jones S2 and S 2. Meet an author. BRAD MELTZER. Signed and everything 3. Meet a a celeb. Freema Agyeman. AGHHHHHHH. Jeph Loeb 4. Leaned Rubix Cube . And forgot 5. Camping. Thank Allah for MAS Youth Center 6. Ziplining. Thank Allah for MAS Youth Center 7. Row a boat. Yay Central Park. (it might not seem like a big deal but I grew up in a desert) 8. Self confidence. Alhamdulillah for the college experience 9. Watch a show being filmed. NYC film sets (Daredevil) 10. Cosplay. Never thought I’d do this 11. Nerd community. Hijabi cosplayers FTW 12. Build a company. Done and failed and not doing it again lol 13. Fundraise 10K+ for Charity whaaaa. The power of unity 14. Got a job on my own! Well, technically an internship but yes Alhamdulillah 15. Worked at the FBI of money. $$$$$ 16. Broadway show FREE TIX too 17. Live recording shows Jimmy Fallon, Trevor Noah (x2) 18. Invest in stock market. Cryptos broke me 19. Be on Buzzfeed article. Hijabi Cosplay for the WIN 20. Be written about on Muslimgirl. Thank you Aima 21. Paintball I <3 WII 22. Make an art piece. Well technically calligraphy 23. Karaoke. Hahahahahha
30 before 30
Needed an editable list 1. Read all books I own 2. Journal the entire Quran cover to cover 3. Qatar 4. Spain 5. Get the title of LCSW 6. London (too many places, should probably have a separate travel list) 7. Live on my own 8. Rock Climbing 9. Learn how to swim 10. Learn to speak conversational Spanish 11. Learn how to bike 12. Cook butter chicken 13. 10000 subs 14. Learn how to drive 15. South America 16. Check out one of the natural wonders (Northern Light, Mosquito Bay, Salt Lakes) 17. Rotating restaurant in NYC 18. Ninja restaurant NYC 19. GRADUATE!!! 20. Sell an Art piece 21. Be an extra on a show/movie 22. Sell nerdwear 23. Learn the USA Map 24. Plank for 3 minutes 25. Be in a Buzzfeed Video 26. Improv Everywhere! 27. Buy regular stocks 28. Write a book (at least start) 29. Start Muslim Mental Health Minute 30. Get paid to travel somewhere, anywhere.
I'll be living a hundred lives next semester. *crazy eyed smile *
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In regards to my last posts, I know I'm not the only one or the first one to go through this. But I think it's sad that we've normalized our struggles. That we cope by becoming desensitized to all of this. It's actually very sad but until we see better days, may Allah make it easy on all of us. May He grant us the strength to bear through all of this and may our struggles only make us stronger!
So apparently they're having a party at 5 oclock
