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This just reminded me of that story about the guy who invented a cure for lactose intolerance and took it himself to prove that it works. Nathan would come up with a cure for your tummy ache and take it himself to prove that it was safe. (You feel better and he gets to prove how smart he is)
You woke up early to get your nails, hair and make up done, and now you were waiting for Nathan to pick you up. You wondered if he was really gonna show up in a limo.
Would that be disrespectful towards the bride and groom? Totally.
Do you care? Yeah, a bit. Just because you wanna make them jealous, it doesn't mean you wanna ruin their whole day.
Did Nathan care? Apparently no.
Because he did show up with a limo.
You watched from your window as it rolled around the corner and slowly stopped by your building. At least it wasn’t white. The black colour was not that striking. Usually his driver gets out first, but this time only Nathan climbed out from the back.
You felt the butterflies go crazy in your tummy. You couldn't forget how good he looked in that suit.
He rang the intercom and you let him in.
By the time he got to your door, you checked yourself about 47 times in the mirror.
Why did you care how you looked? This man saw you at your lowest: crying on your period. He can handle if a hair is out of place.
Except he was a perfectionist and you didn't wanna let him down.
Little did you know, there’s nothing you could do to make him mad at you.
Because it didn't matter how cool and collected he looked, especially right now, Nathan’s hand was slightly shaking as he lifted it to knock on your door.
He cursed himself a little when he realized how weak he was for you. He was a grown man, and you made him feel like he was in kindergarten. No one made him feel like this. His hands never shook, not even when he signed a business deal when billions of dollars were on the table and here he was, feeling like he might throw up from the nerves because of a date that was not even real.
He doesn't have to impress you. It’s not real.
He doesn't have to impress anyone. He was Nathan Fucking Bateman and…
… the door opened and you were on the other side, looking so perfect, he actually forgot how to breathe.
The seconds passed.
And he still wasn't breathing so his body took over and he gasped.
A worried frown appeared on your face.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah, yeah I just uh… I took the stairs, I forgot how high you were.”
“I live on the second floor.”
Silence.
“I thought you were in ‘peak male condition’ since you’re working out.” - you teased him with his own words as you closed the door. He was always so proud of his physique, especially when you tried to seduce him into eating dessert.
“The suit is a bit tight.”
“Why? You’re wearing a corset under there?”
“Shut up.”
You chuckled, but hooked your arm around his elbow when he offered it. He led you to the lift.
“Aftaid of passing out of exhaustion?”
“You’re wearing high heels. I’m being considerate.”
“Yeah, you’re famous for that.” - you said annoyed.
Nathan started pulling you towards the stairs, but you held back giggling.
“No, the lift is fine!”
He let you pull him back with a smirk on his face.
When you were in there, you noticed how nice he smelled. You wondered what cologne he was wearing. It was both fresh, sweet, but mixed with something spicy that made your ovaries scream in excitement. It was a perfect match for him. Now you understood those fragrance commercials where the actors were ready to climb each other. If Nathan was your boyfriend, your lipstick would be smeared all around his…
“You look very pretty.”
When you turned to him, you saw that he was already watching you with a small smile.
“Thanks.” - you looked down when you felt your cheeks heat up. - “I have to look like a billionaire’s girlfriend, remember? It only took me like, 4 hours.”
“No. It’s your hair. I like the way you styled it.”
“I’m telling my hairstylist Nathan Bateman approved.”
Nathan smiled, then started chuckling.
“4 hours? Really?”
“Yeah. Why? How long did it take you to get ready?”
“I don’t know. 15 minutes?”
The doors opened and you looked at Nathan bewildered.
“I hate you.” - you said as you yanked your arm out of his hold and stormed to the car.
“What did I do?!” - he asked shocked.
“First time having a girlfriend?” - a passing man asked him and Nathan sighed and lifted his face to the sky.
“This is gonna be a long fucking day.”
-----
The self driving limo took you straight to the church.
When you lifted your hand to open the door, Nathan’s firm ‘no’ stopped you.
You sighed and waited for him to climb out, go around the car and open it for you.
When you slid your hand into his and got out you smiled sweetly at him.
“You’re such a gentleman, baby. I’m so lucky to have you.”
“Remember that when you get another offer from Google.”
You laughed and Nathan tapped a few times on his watch to make the limo roll off to park itself.
“Okay that was actually hot.”
“Hot enough for me to get lucky tonight?”
“Don’t push it, Bateman.”
“What happened to 'baby'?”
“I don’t know, baby doesn't suit you. What do you want me to call you?”
“Mr. Big.”
You made a gagging sound.
“I know you meant that as an insult, but if you think about it, you’d make that sound considering the size.” - Nathan teased.
You looked mortified.
“Come on, cupcake, don’t be like that.”
“Don’t call me cupcake, oh my god!” - you slapped his shoulder.
“Careful, honey. That didn’t look very girlfriend-y.” - Nathan gently took hold of your elbow to pull you closer to him as he motioned with his head towards the people who were around the church on the other side of the road.
You sighed and slowly slipped your arms around his neck, but you were still looking at him with narrowed eyes.
“You can call me honey.” - you said.
He smiled and wrapped his arms around your waist.
“It may not suit me, but I actually like being called baby.”
You tried to hide your smile.
“I can live with that.”
“I’m gonna kiss your cheek, to look more convincing.”
“Do it quickly.” - you said annoyed.
“You sound like you are about to be executed.”
You scrunched up your face as he leaned closer and gently pecked your cheek.
His beard wasn’t as rough as you imagined it would be.
“Look at that, you’re still alive.”
“Barely.”
You started walking towards the church.
Nathan followed casually, then he noticed you were making aggressive grabby hand motion behind you. He fastened his pace with a smile, grabbed your hand and you interlaced your fingers with his.
“There’s a shitton of people.” - he murmured after he leaned close to your ear.
“It’s a wedding, what did you expect?” - you whispered back.
“I don’t know, but not the wedding of Prince Fucking Charles and Princess Fucking Diana.”
“Our grandparents didn't have TV, so they got busy in other ways.”
“That was disgusting, thank you for the mental image.”
“They were young once.”
“A veeeeery long time ago.”
“Speaking of which, that’s my grandpa.”
Nathan saw an old man with grey hair approach you two.
“Red flag?” - Nathan asked. You told him there were some assholes in your family, you just didn't mention who they are.
“No, he’s cool. The coolest person on the planet, actually.”
“Impossible. I am the coolest person on the planet.”
“You’re the least cool.”
“I drove the limo with my watch, I’m the definition of cool.”
You squeezed Nathan’s hand as you and your grandfather reached each other then let go of it to give him a hug.
“Ah, there you are! My favourite grandchild!”
“Papa, you cannot say that!” - you laughed as you stepped back. - “That’s impolite!”
“I’m old. I can say whatever I want.” - he waved you off.
Oh, Nathan liked this guy already.
He accepted the older man’s handshake with a polite smile and they both introduced themselves. Your grandpa didn't seem surprised that you were dating him.
“You know, some of your cousins dressed to impress, but you two are not joking. You’re here to piss the bride off.”
Your grandpa meant it as a compliment. He looked at you proudly.
“Well, maybe the bride should have a dress code next time.”
You both laughed like it was an inside joke.
“You don’t think the marriage will last long?” - Nathan asked.
“Oh, son. You have a shitload of family lore to catch up on.” - your grandpa patted his shoulder and guided you both towards the rest of your family.
-----
The introductions were quick, since there was only 20 minutes for the wedding to start, but Nathan was very patient and polite through it all. Your grandpa stayed close to both of you, redirecting the spotlight when he sensed that Nathan’s social battery was running low. Everybody wanted to know how the both of you got together and when you two tensed up, your papa was there to save you two.
After you took your seats inside the church, Nathan leaned close to whisper in your ear.
“Okay, I admit. Your grandpa is cool.”
“Glad to hear you think that. He's seated at our table.”
Nathan smiled and helped you stand up when the music changed and the bridesmaids started to enter.
-----
You got comfortable in your seat as the limo was following the wedding convoy where the reception was going to take place.
“Not gonna lie, I thought you were gonna cry.”
“Why?”
“It was a nice ceremony.”
“Did you want to cry?” - you teased.
Nathan rolled his eyes.
“So what’s the family lore?”
“Well, the most important detail right now is that the bride was dating the groom’s best friend for years, they got engaged, then she cheated on him with her now groom.”
“Wow… that’s uh…”
“It was not even two years ago.”
“What the fuck?”
“Precisely.”
“Why are we even here? This marriage is not gonna last 8 months.”
You chuckled.
“Maybe they’re both so evil that they’re a perfect match.”
“I’m surprised they didn't burst into flames when they entered the church.”
“I’m surprised you didn't.” - you shot back.
“What?”
“No one becomes a billionaire with good intentions.”
“Fuck me and my hardworking ass, I guess.”
You gave him a skeptical look. Nathan sighed.
“Everyone keeps forgetting that I built BlueBook from nothing. Daddy didn't buy it for me.”
“I thought your parents are rich.”
“They are. They thought my business was gonna be a failure. So yeah, I got into the best schools, but I had to find investors. Which was hard since everyone knew my own dad didn’t believe in me. I know it sounds ridiculous, but I was actually at a disadvantage.”
“I didn't know that.”
“Not your fault. I don’t talk about it much. I think I only mentioned it in one interview, years ago.”
“That’s why you don’t talk with your parents anymore?”
Nathan nodded as he was staring out the window.
After a few seconds he felt your hand on top of his that was resting on his knee. He turned his hand and grabbed yours. He squeezed it back when you did and he felt himself calm down when you started caressing his skin with your thumb.
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You woke up early to get your nails, hair and make up done, and now you were waiting for Nathan to pick you up. You wondered if he was really gonna show up in a limo.
Would that be disrespectful towards the bride and groom? Totally.
Do you care? Yeah, a bit. Just because you wanna make them jealous, it doesn't mean you wanna ruin their whole day.
Did Nathan care? Apparently no.
Because he did show up with a limo.
You watched from your window as it rolled around the corner and slowly stopped by your building. At least it wasn’t white. The black colour was not that striking. Usually his driver gets out first, but this time only Nathan climbed out from the back.
You felt the butterflies go crazy in your tummy. You couldn't forget how good he looked in that suit.
He rang the intercom and you let him in.
By the time he got to your door, you checked yourself about 47 times in the mirror.
Why did you care how you looked? This man saw you at your lowest: crying on your period. He can handle if a hair is out of place.
Except he was a perfectionist and you didn't wanna let him down.
Little did you know, there’s nothing you could do to make him mad at you.
Because it didn't matter how cool and collected he looked, especially right now, Nathan’s hand was slightly shaking as he lifted it to knock on your door.
He cursed himself a little when he realized how weak he was for you. He was a grown man, and you made him feel like he was in kindergarten. No one made him feel like this. His hands never shook, not even when he signed a business deal when billions of dollars were on the table and here he was, feeling like he might throw up from the nerves because of a date that was not even real.
He doesn't have to impress you. It’s not real.
He doesn't have to impress anyone. He was Nathan Fucking Bateman and…
… the door opened and you were on the other side, looking so perfect, he actually forgot how to breathe.
The seconds passed.
And he still wasn't breathing so his body took over and he gasped.
A worried frown appeared on your face.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah, yeah I just uh… I took the stairs, I forgot how high you were.”
“I live on the second floor.”
Silence.
“I thought you were in ‘peak male condition’ since you’re working out.” - you teased him with his own words as you closed the door. He was always so proud of his physique, especially when you tried to seduce him into eating dessert.
“The suit is a bit tight.”
“Why? You’re wearing a corset under there?”
“Shut up.”
You chuckled, but hooked your arm around his elbow when he offered it. He led you to the lift.
“Aftaid of passing out of exhaustion?”
“You’re wearing high heels. I’m being considerate.”
“Yeah, you’re famous for that.” - you said annoyed.
Nathan started pulling you towards the stairs, but you held back giggling.
“No, the lift is fine!”
He let you pull him back with a smirk on his face.
When you were in there, you noticed how nice he smelled. You wondered what cologne he was wearing. It was both fresh, sweet, but mixed with something spicy that made your ovaries scream in excitement. It was a perfect match for him. Now you understood those fragrance commercials where the actors were ready to climb each other. If Nathan was your boyfriend, your lipstick would be smeared all around his…
“You look very pretty.”
When you turned to him, you saw that he was already watching you with a small smile.
“Thanks.” - you looked down when you felt your cheeks heat up. - “I have to look like a billionaire’s girlfriend, remember? It only took me like, 4 hours.”
“No. It’s your hair. I like the way you styled it.”
“I’m telling my hairstylist Nathan Bateman approved.”
Nathan smiled, then started chuckling.
“4 hours? Really?”
“Yeah. Why? How long did it take you to get ready?”
“I don’t know. 15 minutes?”
The doors opened and you looked at Nathan bewildered.
“I hate you.” - you said as you yanked your arm out of his hold and stormed to the car.
“What did I do?!” - he asked shocked.
“First time having a girlfriend?” - a passing man asked him and Nathan sighed and lifted his face to the sky.
“This is gonna be a long fucking day.”
-----
The self driving limo took you straight to the church.
When you lifted your hand to open the door, Nathan’s firm ‘no’ stopped you.
You sighed and waited for him to climb out, go around the car and open it for you.
When you slid your hand into his and got out you smiled sweetly at him.
“You’re such a gentleman, baby. I’m so lucky to have you.”
“Remember that when you get another offer from Google.”
You laughed and Nathan tapped a few times on his watch to make the limo roll off to park itself.
“Okay that was actually hot.”
“Hot enough for me to get lucky tonight?”
“Don’t push it, Bateman.”
“What happened to 'baby'?”
“I don’t know, baby doesn't suit you. What do you want me to call you?”
“Mr. Big.”
You made a gagging sound.
“I know you meant that as an insult, but if you think about it, you’d make that sound considering the size.” - Nathan teased.
You looked mortified.
“Come on, cupcake, don’t be like that.”
“Don’t call me cupcake, oh my god!” - you slapped his shoulder.
“Careful, honey. That didn’t look very girlfriend-y.” - Nathan gently took hold of your elbow to pull you closer to him as he motioned with his head towards the people who were around the church on the other side of the road.
You sighed and slowly slipped your arms around his neck, but you were still looking at him with narrowed eyes.
“You can call me honey.” - you said.
He smiled and wrapped his arms around your waist.
“It may not suit me, but I actually like being called baby.”
You tried to hide your smile.
“I can live with that.”
“I’m gonna kiss your cheek, to look more convincing.”
“Do it quickly.” - you said annoyed.
“You sound like you are about to be executed.”
You scrunched up your face as he leaned closer and gently pecked your cheek.
His beard wasn’t as rough as you imagined it would be.
“Look at that, you’re still alive.”
“Barely.”
You started walking towards the church.
Nathan followed casually, then he noticed you were making aggressive grabby hand motion behind you. He fastened his pace with a smile, grabbed your hand and you interlaced your fingers with his.
“There’s a shitton of people.” - he murmured after he leaned close to your ear.
“It’s a wedding, what did you expect?” - you whispered back.
“I don’t know, but not the wedding of Prince Fucking Charles and Princess Fucking Diana.”
“Our grandparents didn't have TV, so they got busy in other ways.”
“That was disgusting, thank you for the mental image.”
“They were young once.”
“A veeeeery long time ago.”
“Speaking of which, that’s my grandpa.”
Nathan saw an old man with grey hair approach you two.
“Red flag?” - Nathan asked. You told him there were some assholes in your family, you just didn't mention who they are.
“No, he’s cool. The coolest person on the planet, actually.”
“Impossible. I am the coolest person on the planet.”
“You’re the least cool.”
“I drove the limo with my watch, I’m the definition of cool.”
You squeezed Nathan’s hand as you and your grandfather reached each other then let go of it to give him a hug.
“Ah, there you are! My favourite grandchild!”
“Papa, you cannot say that!” - you laughed as you stepped back. - “That’s impolite!”
“I’m old. I can say whatever I want.” - he waved you off.
Oh, Nathan liked this guy already.
He accepted the older man’s handshake with a polite smile and they both introduced themselves. Your grandpa didn't seem surprised that you were dating him.
“You know, some of your cousins dressed to impress, but you two are not joking. You’re here to piss the bride off.”
Your grandpa meant it as a compliment. He looked at you proudly.
“Well, maybe the bride should have a dress code next time.”
You both laughed like it was an inside joke.
“You don’t think the marriage will last long?” - Nathan asked.
“Oh, son. You have a shitload of family lore to catch up on.” - your grandpa patted his shoulder and guided you both towards the rest of your family.
-----
The introductions were quick, since there was only 20 minutes for the wedding to start, but Nathan was very patient and polite through it all. Your grandpa stayed close to both of you, redirecting the spotlight when he sensed that Nathan’s social battery was running low. Everybody wanted to know how the both of you got together and when you two tensed up, your papa was there to save you two.
After you took your seats inside the church, Nathan leaned close to whisper in your ear.
“Okay, I admit. Your grandpa is cool.”
“Glad to hear you think that. He's seated at our table.”
Nathan smiled and helped you stand up when the music changed and the bridesmaids started to enter.
-----
You got comfortable in your seat as the limo was following the wedding convoy where the reception was going to take place.
“Not gonna lie, I thought you were gonna cry.”
“Why?”
“It was a nice ceremony.”
“Did you want to cry?” - you teased.
Nathan rolled his eyes.
“So what’s the family lore?”
“Well, the most important detail right now is that the bride was dating the groom’s best friend for years, they got engaged, then she cheated on him with her now groom.”
“Wow… that’s uh…”
“It was not even two years ago.”
“What the fuck?”
“Precisely.”
“Why are we even here? This marriage is not gonna last 8 months.”
You chuckled.
“Maybe they’re both so evil that they’re a perfect match.”
“I’m surprised they didn't burst into flames when they entered the church.”
“I’m surprised you didn't.” - you shot back.
“What?”
“No one becomes a billionaire with good intentions.”
“Fuck me and my hardworking ass, I guess.”
You gave him a skeptical look. Nathan sighed.
“Everyone keeps forgetting that I built BlueBook from nothing. Daddy didn't buy it for me.”
“I thought your parents are rich.”
“They are. They thought my business was gonna be a failure. So yeah, I got into the best schools, but I had to find investors. Which was hard since everyone knew my own dad didn’t believe in me. I know it sounds ridiculous, but I was actually at a disadvantage.”
“I didn't know that.”
“Not your fault. I don’t talk about it much. I think I only mentioned it in one interview, years ago.”
“That’s why you don’t talk with your parents anymore?”
Nathan nodded as he was staring out the window.
After a few seconds he felt your hand on top of his that was resting on his knee. He turned his hand and grabbed yours. He squeezed it back when you did and he felt himself calm down when you started caressing his skin with your thumb.
How he must've felt so alone when he decided to leave Layla, because he's so broken that he didn't trust that she loves him enough to be there for him. Cause in his mind it's "my own mother didn't love me enough to forgive me, so why would she?" so he felt like it's reasonable that he kept it secret that he was there when her dad was murdered.
His depression is not discussed enough.
He was the one who agreed to be Khonshu's avatar. So he thinks that Khonshu blackmailing him with Layla is his fault too. And because it's his fault, he thinks he has to make it right alone.
He was afraid to speak with Layla, because he was afraid of disappointment and rejection (that he got from his own mother too).
He pushed her away before Layla could push him away. Self isolation is a depressed person's worst self defense system in anticipation of a possible threat that's forged in the mind.
That’s why I love the hug that Steven gives him when he tells him it’s not his fault what happened to Randall, because I think it conveys a lot of things in general that are not his fault and it literally lifts a weight of his shoulders, a part of him, the most childlike and good part of him that he projects on Steven is embracing him and telling him that he’s not that alone in the world 😭😩🫠
Steven's presence is sooo important for his recovery 😭🫶
Like yes, he will tell Marc off and call him out on things, but he will also make him understand that there are things he doesn't have control over and it's okay to need help and be vulnerable.
(Not meant to be an insult or made to single you out)
Is it the Hungarian style of writing speech where you write "speech marks" - person said/did like with the dash in the middle?
I started doing that today at work and it actually looks so much smoother than the way we're taught to do it, so I like your (or Hungary's) style very much 😊
I don't know, maybe it's just my OCD, for me it looks better 😅
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So, I was able to write Sunday, as I hoped. It's hot outside, 100+ degrees F here almost all week, but my apartment was cool and once I started writing it just flowed out freely. It felt wonderful. I hope to start on a little ficlet this weekend, another Damerey, before I continue with this one, but I think I'll put my Stargate: Atlantis idea on hold since nobody is showing interest. I really, really think this new job is going to be amazing for my writing, especially if I get a raise this fall and can quit my cleaning job. Wish me luck!
Snippet from Save a Prayer under the cut...
She propped her head up on her elbow. “You said it had been a while. That your coworkers talked you into coming tonight.”
She had opened the door wide open. The question was, did he want to walk through it? This was just supposed to be a one-night stand, after all. He wanted to laugh at that thought. There was no way he could just fuck and run. This was a woman he could already feel himself wanting to know better. A woman he felt could be far more than just a fling. He swallowed.
“I was married,” he started. He glanced at her. Her expression had softened, but her look was encouraging. “To a man,” he added. “I’m bi.” He watched her closely to make sure that fact didn’t bother her.
She simply nodded. “What happened?” she whispered.
“He died,” Poe said quickly. “About two years ago.” He sighed and looked up at the ceiling. The tears that usually came when he thought of Muran weren’t there, but they were still threatening. “We’d been together for eight years.” A thought occurred to him. “That means it’s been over a decade since I’ve been with a woman.” He glanced sideways at Rey without moving his head.
“I’m honored,” Rey responded seriously.
“Worth the wait, too,” Poe assured her solemnly.
She smiled softly. “Thank you. I had a great tutor.” She paused. “Did you come tonight specifically looking for a woman?”
“Actually, no,” he answered. “I didn’t know what I was looking for. At all.” He faced her again. “Until I saw you.”
*******
Again PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF DO NOT WISH TO BE TAGGED
Summary: Episode 8, attraction with a side of oral… and how is Nathan getting all of these guests, anyway?(~1.7k)
:: episode 7 here :: Trash Talk Masterlist
-----
**Intro Music Fades Out**
Nathan: Welcome, to Trash Talk, a podcast about sex. What we like and why we like it. Part of the Blue Book network of entertainment.
Today, we’re talking attraction. Let’s start with you, new guy. Your reputation precedes you, but let's not shove it in dry. Tell us about yourself. Do you have a type?
Poe: Hi, I’m Poe Dameron. I don’t really have a type.
Nathan: That’s what people say when they don’t want to sound like an asshole.
Poe: *laughs quietly* Everyone I've been with, man or woman or they, I've been attracted to who they are. I can just tell when we have a connection. That's what makes someone attractive to me. Sometimes it's instant, sometimes it doesn't last, but I've never, what did you say? Stuck it in dry. That sounds gross.
Nathan: Leto? What do you think? You famously give women parting gifts when you push them out the door in the morning. Are the ladies just in it for the gift bag?
Leto: *grumbles* ...I wasn't aware people knew about that.
Nathan: It's all over the internet. Some kind of jewelry worth under $2,000, a fancy hygiene kit, a gift certificate to some clothing store, chocolates, and one of your security guys drives them home. It's like a bribe so they don't run to the newspaper to tell everyone how bad you are in bed, right?
Leto: *annoyed* The jewelry is at least $2,000, not under $2,000.
Nathan: Whatever. Steven?
Steven: Me? I'm kind of a boob man, myself.
Nathan: Now we're getting somewhere. Elaborate.
Steven: Well, I like breasts. 'S not really rocket science. Big ones. Small ones. Medium ones. They're all lovely shades and so soft, all different. Some women have larger nipples, or dark ones, or pink.
Nathan: So, that's what you notice first? Boobs?
Steven: *almost snort laughs* Mostly, I'm just trying not to look like a boob. Doesn't even occur to me usually, to be attracted to someone right away. If I meet a beautiful woman, I don't really assume I have a shot in the way you mean. Takes me ages to work up the courage to look at her boobs probably. I like talking to people first off, then the attraction happens.
Poe: That's really interesting, because I know right away if I'm attracted to someone.
Steven: Yeah, but you're like a pilot and what. Handsome enough to be on posters and like, stickers and t-shirts and things. You'd get anyone you wanted.
Poe: You do realize you're very hot, right?
Steven: ...me?
Poe: Oh yeah.
Steven: Kind of you to say. Cheers.
Nathan: So, Steven likes to motorboat and Poe will hit on anything that moves. Leto likes women to open their legs and shut their gossiping mouths.
Leto: I don't know why I keep doing this podcast. You're especially bad today. Unbearable.
Nathan: Since no one asked me, I like dirty sluts. The dirtier the better.
Steven: Dirty?
Nathan: I don't believe in sugar-coating things, you know that. But I do believe in sugar-coating my cum all over a woman's face.
*disgusted groans from the room*
Nathan: What? Bunch of fucking prudes. If Anselm had said it, none of you would've reacted like that.
Leto: That's because Anselm's charming. You're not.
Poe: I don't know who Anselm is, but in the short time I've known Nathan, I'm having trouble understanding how you would get a woman to sleep with you. She might be attracted to you, but if she had any self-respect she wouldn't act on it.
Nathan: I'm rich and hung. Sometimes I let women dominate me like I deserve.
Poe: You're just not very nice.
Nathan: Oh, you're too good to come on a woman's face?
Poe: I like it more when she comes on mine.
Nathan: Like a 69?
Poe: No, just me between her legs. I love being with guys too, but there's something about eating a woman out that just... I don't know... I love the taste.
Steven: I'm right there with you, mate. Nothing like it in the world. I could spend hours licking it all up.
Poe: I love when it gets to be too much for her, but she wants you to keep going anyway. She's so soft and hot, and the way she'll grab your hair when she wants to come. How she grinds against your mouth.
Steven: Settle down with the description, my pants are gettin' a bit tight.
Poe: I like giving better than receiving when it comes to oral.
Leto: I like them equally.
Steven: I just kind of live in the moment. Do what feels good.
Nathan: I like getting more than giving.
Leto: That's the least surprising thing you've ever told me about yourself.
Poe: Are you any good at it?
Nathan: Giving oral to a woman?
*silence*
Nathan: ...yes?
Poe: You've literally never thought about it until right now, haven't you?
Nathan: *offended* Hey, if I go down on a woman, I make sure she comes. I’m going to the trouble, it’s the least she could do.
Steven: You’ve got such an odd perspective. It’s really worrysome.
Leto: There’s a lot to be worried about here. First: Nathan somehow makes giving head to a woman about himself. Second: I’m a little concerned he may have broken reality. I know military aviation, and that jacket you’re wearing, Poe, isn’t a standard issue bomber that I’ve ever seen.
Poe: It’s from my New Republic days, but I changed the patch out. You’re right, though. When Nathan invited me here, I knew right away he probably wasn’t living in my universe. Then, I stepped out of the transporter thing in the lobby and it was pretty obvious. Really interesting technology. I’ve already tinkered around a little with it.
Steven: Transporter? Like… moving matter across dimensions?
Leto: Nathan, what the fuck do you think you’re doing?
Nathan: Look, it’s not a big deal. Some of us live in the same reality, some of us don’t. I’ve always thought I was the only person worth talking to, so when I started looking for guests for the podcast, I used my own DNA and followed that thread through space and time, and here we are. A bunch of similar-looking guys with diverse opinions and hair styles.
Leto: You’re bald.
Nathan: *frustrated* I’m not fucking bald! I shave my head. You’d probably look like this too if you did the same.
Poe: None of you noticed something strange was going on?
Steven: Strange is kind of normal for some of us, ‘innit? My boss is an ancient Egyptian bird god of the moon and I’ve got DID, just to add onto the pile of weird.
Nathan: The podcast’s supposed to be fun. Yes, I collect data on everything, but it’s not going to break the universe, like Leto said. He doesn’t know anything about it. Actually, there are a lot of versions of all of us. Interestingly enough, Leto’s a boring douche in every single one.
Let’s not talk about that, though. Back to the actual topic. Attraction.
Steven: To be fair, we were talking about how you’re bad at giving oral.
Nathan: Don’t say it like that. I get my tongue in there just as well as any of you.
Poe: It’s not a depth thing, you know. Most of what you’re doing is actually pretty soft, just on the outside, a lot of focus on the clit.
Steven: Yeah, and then you shove your tongue in really far once in awhile. Like, as a treat.
Poe: Steven gets it.
Steven: Like this: *wet mouth sounds*
Nathan: Oh, okay. This: *more wet mouth sounds*
Poe: And then once in awhile, here, look at my fingers.
Nathan: Women like that? When you…
Poe: They love it.
Leto: That’s interesting. Maybe because I have a beard, but usually I do something like this: *wet mouth sounds, shuffling around*
Steven: Oh, I like that move, I’ll be stealing that one thank you very much.
Nathan: Doesn’t your beard get in the way?
Leto: The beard makes it better. Trust me.
Nathan: Okay, so my fingers do this and my mouth is like-
Poe: No, flatten your tongue. Like this-
*bunch of silence with men trying to talk while simulating eating out a woman*
Nathan: Wait, wait, wait. This is a podcast. It’s all audio. People complain when we eat on mic, but this’ll be a whole other litany of complaints. Maybe we should just use one of my robots for this demonstration. Off air.
Poe: *sounds pained* Can’t we find a real woman? Please?
Nathan: Fine, but she’d have to be okay with the four of us eating her out. It’s not really about the fucking today.
Leto: *dryly* Have you met women? I’m sure we’ll find one who’ll agree to that.
Steven: This town has a very nice high street. Shops, restaurants, so on. Maybe we could find a woman there. Seemed like a busy place.
Nathan: If we walked into a crowded bar, I think we'd all end up hitting on different people.
Leto: So, it comes down to attraction after all. I’ll text my driver to come around and he’ll take us.
Poe: This is exciting. I’d like to see more of this world.
Steven: I’m just excited to find a lovely woman and spend an afternoon between her legs.
Nathan: I guess we’re going on an interactive field trip. I won’t be reporting back about this, so listeners, you can just assume we made a woman come so hard she passed out.
Steven: Mate, you’re speaking my language.
Leto: The car’s here.
Nathan: Cool. Well, um, I guess the lesson here is: when it doubt, eat her out. Until next time, I’m Nathan Bateman.
