broke, depressed, and emotionally vacant

still think it’s hilarious my bff is some dude i used to fuck

luv my little a lot but it’s such a strange relationship i know she gets that i’m like a trash gremlin and probably the worst big on the planet but i still think she’s so cool and i love her ugh SORRY FOR GROSS SORORITY SHIT

aaa my best friend is this guy i used to sleep with but then i actually committed to robert so we stopped sleeping together and it was a lil awk at first bc we weren’t sure how to interact but now we’re pros and now he has sort of a girlfriend and we can talk to each other about how much we both like our partners and it’s like not weird and we’ve already done the sleeping with each other thing and it wasn’t particularly good so like that’s not a thing and aaaa idk it’s nice

i can’t afford rehab so i’m not sure how this one ends

imagining my future campaign with my future husband not to be weird

we’re gonna get married and i’m gonna wear a dress that i really like that my family tells me not to wear and maybe we’ll have barbecue or something or pizza idk it’ll be nice but the food and drinks will be trash bc that’s who we are and i would like to have a band but i don’t want to listen to them destroy my fav songs so we’ll see but it’ll be nondenominational but we’ll do some dumb edgy shit that’s just dumb and i’ll have neon makeup and neither of our families will get it and our vows will be custom and i’m not kidding about any of this i love him i love love love love him i want to marry him but he won’t propose with a ring it’ll be like a ring on a necklace bc he knows i can’t wear rings without them fucking up my skin and i’ve been picturing him in a normal tux which is ABSURD he would want like leather or with like scales or something i love him god i love him he is just AA ok this is one of the dumbest posts i’ve ever made

my boyfriend is so fucking hot who let him!!!!!!!!!!!!!! aaa!

i’m so pissed the group my therapist has been telling me to join forever is literally a dbt group which is like for people w bpd???? aaaa and now i emailed my professor to see if we can move our meeting time bc i think i should do it and it would help me

i’m so mad i just wrote a fairly fire graduation speech

i am worried i met him at the wrong time though because i’m kind of fucked up right now and trying to get better but idk 

maybe i’m being young and naive because realistically i am and us being together together is gonna require sacrifices on both of our parts and i’m not sure if either of us is willing to do that but i have never felt this way about a person he gets me and he doesn’t judge me for being me and even when i do some shit that’s obviously just fucking bpd spiralling he gets it and he helps me through it and he loves me god he loves me and idk we’ll see where i end up after graduation and where he does but idk we could live together and idk idk i’m way ahead of myself but i love him so much

i love him !!! aaa!!! i miss him so much aaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

i want to marry this ho??? like for real??? like ??? aaaaa ??? i can’t imagine my life with anybody else??? aaaaA

aaaa he loves me

lmao what if i’m just gay lmao i mean out of the guys i’ve slept with literally only the current one i enjoyed and i don’t know i don’t know 

hey not to be dumb but i love my high school friends so much and idk there’s like a bond from going through that shit together that just isn’t the same with other people. even though we don’t talk a lot during the year yknow. like quite genuinely it is the one group of people that i think actually support me and like god we’re all such a fucking shitshow disaster group of people but we all are. and i don’t know. it’s just genuinely unlike any other friendships i have in my life and i love them all so much and they make me laugh sooo much i think i’ve laughed more in the last 24 hours than i probably have all year. and i know things have gotten weird and messy but like i would do anything for these people. even like the ones that i’m not as close with. like. i don’t know. i don’t know. i just love my friends. and miss having a group of friends like this. we’re all so fuckin depressed lmao.