the only way to stop me is a bullet in the head

Asra: "I don't think it's really fair for me to be on a jury since I'm a hologram" + "OK, I'll be in touch. You still use your Hotmail account?"

Nadia: "I happen to have some very powerful friends at The Maury Povich Show" + "A book hasn't caused me this much trouble since Where's Waldo went to that barber pole factory"

Julian: “You’re going to murder me aren’t you? Eh, it’s okay” + "Nine out of 10 doctors said "Who is this? Why are you calling so late?" but the 10th guy was into it."

Lucio: "Hulk Hogan once called you a dirt bag" + "I need to look good for my party and I refuse to wear anything my size or appropriate for my age"

Muriel: "One of my New Year's resolutions was to say yes. Yes to love. Yes to life. Yes to staying in more!" + "I recommend you get [advice] from [Asra] or an Owl who wears glasses"

Portia: “Hey, nerds! Who’s got two thumbs, speaks limited French, and hasn’t cried once today? This moi" + "Last time I was this excited...was this morning. I saw a cat wearing the same sweater as its person"

Valdemar: “What can you do? Medicine’s not a science” + "You know they don't tell you this until after you've paid for medical school, but being a doctor is exactly like the game Operation"

Valerius: "It's crass, like personalized wedding vows or standing up in a pool" + "My outside is shiny and pretty, but my inside is filled with cardboard and horse glue"

Vlastomil: "Have you ever updated your Flash player? It is so sad. What happens to version 11.4?" + "You in orange? You'll look like a creamsicle with an old tooth stuck in it"

Volta:  “If you're ordering me an edible arrangement to say thanks, I'd prefer a meat one" + "I'm a star! I'm on top! Somebody bring me some ham!"