Ritsuko, the cold, intellectual cynic who is “very mature for her age,” has a cat, interested in punk rock, and is, funnily, into bonsai trees. i googled “what is the appeal of bonsai trees?” and got a range of results, mostly from bonsai webpages + forums. some highlights:

The ultimate goal of growing a Bonsai is to create a miniaturized but realistic representation of nature in the form of a tree. Bonsai are not genetically dwarfed plants, in fact, any tree species can be used to grow one. [x]

From a gentleman named Zach, somewhere in Ontario:

Who doesn’t love a miniature tree that produces the impression of a full-grown mature tree in nature? […] but the point is that creating a miniaturized version of a full-grown tree is a unique art, hobby, pastime, pursuit, passion.  It’s deceptively simple and complex all at once.  You can take a plant and, with appropriate and judicious pruning and potting, make it look like a hundred-foot-tall tree in minutes.  You can make that same tree look even more mature and stately in a year and two years and ten years and a hundred years.  […]  There’s really no other pursuit that requires more of someone than maintaining a small living organism in a captive space for an extended period of time.  What else could feed the soul like bonsai?

Ofc, this perfectly encapsulates Ritsuko’s relationship to Rei: one that must be meticulously managed, an image of a more mature woman (Yui) in miniature, a small living organism in captive space.

This scene is striking. Ritsuko talks about Rei dispassionately, lays bare the extent of Rei’s emotional neglect and Ritsuko’s callous disregard for Rei’s well being outside of ensuring Rei can keep her shape. All to precipitate the destruction and “murder” of the Rei dummies! (Funnily, what Ritsuko perceives as an instantiation of her loathing for Rei actually inaugurates Rei’s humanity more fully, allowing Rei the full breadth of life: she is born, she is alive, she can now die without the threat of reproduction, just like the humans around her.)

Taking the translation as it is, I interpret “water and light that form Rei’s consciousness” as 1) highlighting that Ritsuko regards Rei as Other, not made of the same matter as humans, as Angels are similarly talked about in terms of light; 2) reminding the audience of how Ritsuko regards the world around her. Think of the other time gardening appears narratively: for Ritsuko, tending to the world is predicated on control, shaping it into what you want, a clinical practice done in containment with exacting attention to detail from the background. In other words, in direct contradiction to Kaji’s gardening, who is notably Ritsuko’s only true friend.

Ritsuko’s ~maternal malaise~ is unsurprising. Ritsuko consistently disparages Misato for taking Shinji in—yes, because Ritsuko (rightfully) doubts Misato’s ability to caregive, but the entire idea of caring for the pilots is anathema to Ritsuko’s ethos. It pulls into light the practiced dehumanization of Rei Ayanami. It’s been said before, but Ritsuko is a failed mother, a false mother, an unwilling mother (per epi13), tending to the representation of the woman she is in emotional conflict with. The pilots are data points, a means to an end, things to control and shape into what you need them for… much like Ritsuko is to Gendo.

Rei cannot be perceived as a child, certainly not her child (though she plays a major role in Rei’s caregiving, what little of it exists). Ritsuko intellectualizes Rei back into a thing, constructs and retranslates her as an object, a science experiment, an unspeaking and unfeeling organism who is “not very adept at living.” Indeed, and whose fault is that, I have to wonder.

Everything about Ritsuko is artifice. For all the lipservice paid to not speaking about herself, for all the deceit, lies, and betrayal, her actions are shockingly transparent.

(source QM @ twitter)

but im tired of being in this fandom space where the full scope of human expression is naturally assumed in male characters w less screentime (less screentime = less time to complicate the initial assumption abt the character) while the interactions of the two women characters who are canonically involved by the end of the show and the start of the second move are flattened/desexed/fucking boring? yes this is abt ritsuko and maya

and im not talking just quantity or number of fanworks dedicated 2 these characters, and this isnt abt me being greedy+jealous+whatever u want to paint it. if there is any ritsumaya, its like, disgustingly tame and sanitized and this concentration of perfect honesty, communication, sentimentality, and articulated affection.

which. we know this is not how either of these characters are shown to communicate…? ritsuko evades sincerity or outright lies. she uses her own cynicism against maya in the most condescending way possible to dismiss maya’s ethical concerns. ritsuko’s blunted emotionally except when she’s teasing ppl+admonishing misato for the same kinds of behavior that ritsuko herself is guilty of (and worse), or she’s engaging in her own private joke–laughing at everyone who is out of the loop. her chosen love interest is not only her dead mother’s ex lover, but the most withholding and passively+actively violent character in the show, who she knows to be sexually abusing rei, the teenaged clone of his dead wife– all while ritsuko herself neglects+dehumanizes rei, save for the bare minimum required to maintain rei’s shape.

maya follows ritsuko–almost blindly–defers to ritsuko’s judgment, listens 2 how ritsuko discusses the pilots (always as objects, clinically, things 2 be quantified and studied 4 her project), is able 2 look past this, enable it. we know maya is similarly a child of the post-2nd impact world, and all that baggage we know it to carry despite all appearances 2 the contrary. if ritsumaya is canon (it is), then u have to work a lot off what we know abt ritsuko 2 determine maya’s character. what kind of person would ritsuko be drawn to? what needs are not being met in gendo that maya would fulfill? how does a woman who is imprisoned her mountains of deceit+secrets+planned betrayal, by her own selfish desires + pathologies, treat someone who might offer her care, based on how we know ritsuko 2 behave in show? how does a relationship look when one party is lying, who knows that nothing matters bc theyre all going 2 die? how does ritsuko dehumanize maya, how does maya resist that? how would someone like maya respond 2 this, maya who is prudent+fastidious+dedicated+focused+a genius in her own right, if not a little naive. how does ritsuko’s cynicism meet maya’s optimism? how do we see that same cynicism act as a corrupting force in maya’s tolerance for the inhumane?

i mean, realistically, they dont behave like saints lol. and theres an element of misogyny in projecting+assuming that bc they’re women, they are emotional and serving and passive and sexless. like those characteristics r hangups of misogyny and patriarchal conceptions of womanhood… and yet this is how i see ppl online pay lip service / wave empty gestures in their direction. (”i like femslash! look!” [presents the most boring, flat, missing-the-mark empty description abt the 1 f/f ship after rt’ing/rb’ing copious amounts of fetish art abt their obviously preferred m/m ship). give me a break. id rather u just outright ignore them and say stg misogynistic abt femslash not being as compelling, since thats what everyones actions say anyway lol. (and just as an aside, i think its worth interrogating in ourselves the way we respond 2 our own internalized homophobia/lesbophobia, by looking @ or considering how our own internalized beliefs abt the lesbian erotic become translated as de facto predatory or pornographic. i think sometimes this impulse 2 sanitize lesbians is done out of fear of acting out patriarchy. but like… thats something to work thru, not avoid by playing into the very tropes that do similar/analogous harm…?)

and i do think theres a connection btwn the flattening of women characters so that they’re “good representation” and “safe” (whatever the vocab is) and lack of engagement w them. no one wants to take time to actually look @ the complexities of woman characters. “they’re written poorly, idc” no, i dont believe thats the case for every piece of fiction, and it’s absolutely not the case w evangelion lol.

we’re drawn 2 stories that show us our ugly parts, that build tension + find resolution (and many times that resolution isnt perfect, or what we expected). we want 2 express and see an expression of our anxiety+hurts+grievances, to RESONATE w something. we use fiction 2 engage w our misery and find new meaning from there. the way lesbians r written precludes that. how can u find expression in something that doesnt exist? no one has a perfect relationship. if ur drawn to a show like evangelion, that practically kicks u over the head w the violence of intimacy, why would u assume that, just bc theyre lesbians, they are somehow exempt from human pain? iddddddddk.

Water hits hard against the windows, distorting the outside view through thick veils of heavy rainfall. Her driver approaches the station with steady caution, and Ritsuko, impatient, checks her watch on the underside of her wrist. An hour until the interviews, and she still has not reviewed the half dozen profiles sent to her last week.

She leans back against the seat and inspects her cuticles, the wrinkle in her skirt, taps the plastic armrest to her right. Ritsuko wants a cigarette, a solid three hours of uninterrupted editing, and—perhaps the least feasible—an early night home.

i intend to do a drabble/scene of ritsumaya shorts to match the # of epis in the show. i am still accepting one word prompts either on twitter, CC, or in the comments below.