The last year has been such a time of self discovery. I went from living in greyscale to now feeling everything in color and embracing their textures and tones. My passions are being fueled instead of repressed and I am painting more and more. I have spent the last 12 months becoming the person I truly want to be. I have focused on listening more than speaking and finding that I don’t need words to convey my emotions anymore.
As a child, I was mostly described as talkative and that I never shut up. I talked a lot because I process emotions differently and talking was a way for me to avoid facing that. As I grew into a teen, I started writing because there was no one who really wanted to listen, but I still wasn’t ready to face myself.
This year, I faced myself.
I have found things about myself that are deep scars I didn’t know I had and I have started real work at addressing the wounds that healed wrong and resetting them so I can move forward instead of constantly looping. I paint to express myself and to embrace the emotions that I now allow myself to feel, because for once, I have no words to describe them.
Words have been my steady anchor that I held onto for confidence and support, but when I paint, I am able to let go and float.
This year, I have been having extremely bad dreams at night; more like nightmares. They have been steadily getting worse and clearer. Some are just terrible memories I wanted to forget.
My life is absolutely nothing like what I was expecting it to be and I have to say, I am so happy about that. I would not have the wonderful people I have in my life that I currently do. I would not have my sweet kittens. I would not be rekindling my curiosity and passions. And most importantly, I would not have had this last year alone to truly appreciate all that and more.
To those who read this, thank you. I was crying and smiling the whole time.
prguitarman
titsay
vaporwave
tangentwithtanner
theartofmadeline
areudirty
