mari

You pulled at the fabric around your neck, eyeing the man stood ordering a black coffee, trying not to meet his dissatisfied gaze. From the sleeve of your thin cardigan, you plucked a stray bit of lint as you pressed your lips together feeling the lip balm you had applied thin out, dryness creeping back across your skin. You were trying. Not like he would ever notice. Or care. That’s what you thought at least. Yet you still tried to get his attention, any kind of positive attention.

“Next.” The barista called you forward, offering you a warm smile, meeting your eyes. You gave him your order, thanking him before passing over your change. You didn’t even other to check over your shoulder to see if the person you had come with was still there, or if he had retreated to a booth to sulk over his notebook because I’d rather, we just explore, this is a waste of time and money you should have eaten beforehand.

You had pestered him to get something to eat before venturing out in the summer evening to a local abandoned children’s hospital, and despite his protests Cain finally had to give in when you complained of low blood sugar after tripping over in front of him.

You sighed to yourself hearing the click of his tongue echo across your memory.

“Something up?” The barista asked as he plated up a slice of cake for you, passing it over the counter. “You seem glum.”

You shook your head. “Oh, it’s nothing.”

“That’s good then.” His previous warm smile crept back over his face, “you’ve got a nice smile, don’t lose it.”

Your cheeks burned as you adverted your gaze, embarrassed at his flirting. It was one compliment, but it was enough to make you shamefully duck your head.

“Oh? Thanks. You as well.” You mumbled picking up your drink and plate, but the barista was not done.

“You look nice. I assume you must be doing something special tonight, all dressed up? I hope it brings you some joy.”

“Oh!” Your cheeks burned, “Um, thanks. I’m not really… doing anything that special.” You said fumbling with the plate of cake. “To be honest I bet you might end up having a more interesting evening than me.” You laughed awkwardly as the words tumbled out of your mouth. The barista had a kind expression, and a warm disposition that was refreshing against Cain’s gloomy vibe, it was enough to perk you up just a little, and the barista noticed.

He laughed leaning in, “I doubt that, but maybe we can both find something interesting to do together later if you’re still bored? Just let me know, I don’t want to keep your friend waiting any longer for you.” As he said those words he pointed to behind you. Turning your head, you were surprised to see Cain standing behind you still, holding his black coffee with a very dissatisfied look on his face. Daggers pointed at both of you with his stare.

“Where do you want to sit?” He asked dryly.

You turned back to the barista, but he had already excused himself and got busy cleaning up mess from previous orders. “Window booth?” You asked feeling embarrassed he had been there the whole time, though you were not sure why.  Cain turned quickly heading to sit down, slumping into a booth seat as you awkwardly followed behind. He slumped down into his seat, setting his drink down rather harshly causing it to spill slightly over the top, dripping down across the table. Yet, Cain paid it no attention as he set his familiar black notebook out in front of him away from the spillage and began his regular intense and abstract recordings. You gave a silent sigh, adjusting your skirt as you sat down, glancing out through the window to the world bathed in a rose-coloured glow. Your fork dug into the cake but for whatever reason you no longer felt that hungry. Just tired.

Time passed, not a lot of it, only a few minutes, and yet as every second passed you felt as if some force was pulling you away from Cain, who only shrunk away further into himself, his pen ever so slightly getting more and more aggressive as it scratched across page after page. Something told you there was a very intense conversation taking place in his head.

Maybe even an argument.

You dropped your fork onto the plate, finishing the last bite of you cake and braced yourself to hit a wall that you were still going to run towards either way. “So, you’ve already been to this place, right? What can I expect?” You forced a friendliness into your voice, scooting yourself to the edge of your seat and closer to the table. Of course there was no reply.

Yet.

“If it’s a children’s hospital, do you think the spirits would like it if we brought some toys, as like offerings since we’re going to poke around and such?”

“I don’t ‘poke’ around. Besides spirits have no need for material objects destined to rot in landfill when the building is inevitably demolished.” Cain’s voice was scratchy, like a record warped in summer heat. He still refused to look up from his notebook, and you knew better than to point that out.

“What about some sweets then?”

“Wasteful.”

“Come on, help a girl out here.” You teased, feeling yourself grow a little more comfortable as the awkwardness of earlier passed. “I want do the right thing when we go-“

“If you’re going to be this bothersome, I’d rather you just leave. I’m not going to hold your hand as if this is some novelty experience.” He was quick to snatch away from you that passing moment of feeling settled, his eyes flicking up to yours to take in the fading smile on your face, not even hiding the satisfaction caused from his spite. “Sorry if that makes me boring and this even less interesting for you.”

Clutching the edge of the table with both hands you ducked your head ever so slightly, something uncomfortable wriggling inside of you. “What’s your problem? If I didn’t want to be here, I wouldn’t be.”

Cain dropped his pen on the surface of the table and sat up straight, crossing his arms. “Maybe.” He quipped, tongue razor sharp, defences up. Of course he was ready with them, having rehearsed them all before hand in his head in that imaginary argument you had predicted. I should have known better- wait. What were you even thinking? Why were you getting ready to bow to his oncoming tantrum? Cain continued, “Or maybe this was all just a last choice distraction for you until something better came along to take your interest.” His eyes flickered over to the side towards someone else. He lowered his voice “You’ll leave, I know it. Just like everyone else.”

“The hell are you even talking about?” Cain bristled at your choice of words, scowling, but you left no room for him to chastise. “If you’re referring to what I said to the barista I was just being polite. You should try it sometime.” You mirrored him, crossing your arms and leaning back. “God, why is everything an argument with you lately?” You muttered but he still heard. You had gotten along with Cain at the beginning, or well enough compared to the rest of the Hauntnet group, but in the passing few weeks he had seemed more irritated. Intense even. Very quickly he was beginning to swallow you whole with his moods, capturing you with his messages, locking you into chaotic hypnotic conversations that were breaking your perception of the world. While frightening, it was addicting, to hear his ideas, to receive his thoughts on yours no matter if he swung from being judgemental or validating. You had found him interesting at first but now it seemed you had become joined to him enough that you were seeing through to the sharper parts of his personality. And these sides, he only showed them you. He was gritty and intoxicating. And it was becoming a problem since you were letting yourself free fall into him.

“It’s not like that.” He said at last, chewing on his lip.

“I asked you if I could come with you tonight. Privately might I add, I haven’t even told the rest of the group chat we’re exploring you know.”

“That makes your flirting with him even worse-“ He cut himself off wincing as a painful silence settled over the two of you. He mumbled something quiet enough for you to not hear it, but you assumed it was a curse.

“If you think that I was flirting,” you said eyebrows raised, “then you’re not as smart as I thought you were.”

Cain visibly flushed, his ears going red as he played with the metal cross around his neck unconsciously. “He was.” He accused.

“Him.” You said ignoring the unwarranted jealousy in his voice. “And why does it even matter if someone flirts with me? Just because you hate and ignore everyone doesn’t mean the rest of us are like that.”

“I don’t hate…” he paused. There was a word held at the tip of his tongue, but he was denying himself from admitting it, instead he finished his sentence by saying “I don’t hate everyone.” Cain’s voice had lost its edge, his fingers pressing harder into the edges of his cross as he rubbed its surface anxiously. “Look, we can drop it and get going-“

Now it was your turn to narrow your eyes and glare, “No. You said to leave. So, I’m leaving.”

“What, why?” He asked, his voice raising as he ever so slightly raised from his seat.

“Because I know enough about you by now to know this wont be the last attack I put up with tonight. Honestly Cain being your friend is exhausting so you know what, you win, I’m done.” You grabbed your things, ready to storm out. You walked away from the table without even looking back and ignored the faint sound of a regret filled apology fall from Cain’s mouth, trying to win back your attention. He doesn’t mean it. You told yourself. He’ll probably start calling me a ‘sheep’ soon, so I shouldn’t care.

What you didn’t see was the man you had left behind, still sat at the booth, staring at his notebook cursing himself as he flicked through certain pages, running his fingers over the letters of your name scribbled across the paper’s surface. Letters that had found themselves there these past few weeks without him even realising it.

The summer evening was cool; the sky had deepened into a dark red as the sun was almost done setting. You were thankful for your cardigan as the wind drifted over you, the peak of the heatwave having passed. The café you had made Cain stop at was a roadside stop, in the middle of a stretch of nothing but forest in between town and the abandoned hospital.  The nearest bus stop was going to be thirty-minute walk along the main road. And it would feel even longer considering how straight the road was, but you were thankful for it since it would give you time to process everything that had just happened.

The whole time you walked you felt the same uncomfortable presence of judgement loom over you, the same feeling you always had after a disagreement with Cain. The remnants of scrutiny. The forest trees to your side cast dark shadows over you, their rustling in the wind always sounded like whispers as of late. You shivered; the sun was gone now, and the world had been creeping you out as of late. Soon your legs began to ache as the road carried on aimlessly, how much further until the bus stop? You reached in your pocket for your iPod classic, pulling out tangled earbuds and plugged in to your moodiest playlist, ignoring the world around you.

An almost fatal mistake.

As you enjoyed the brief feeling of distance from the emotional ache settled in your stomach you cast your gaze to the sky, eyes wandering over the stars, having now emerged over a navy canvas. It was already too late before you noticed the frantic flashing of a cars lights as it swerved behind you. You turned your head, pulling an earbud out confused just as it approached you, fast, unpredictable and dangerous.

There was no time to swear as you closed your eyes, the breath leaving your chest while a pair of cold hands grabbed you roughly and pulled you into the forest at the side of the road. Your iPod tumbled from your pocked, smashing on concrete as your earbuds were fully snatched away from you by gravity as you and your saviour fell backwards into the trees. All while the car carried on without caution, swerving across lanes down the straight road at sixty miles per hour.

“Fuck.” You heard a familiar dry voice hiss, arms still gripping around you as he sat up. You could smell the familiar scent of his hoodie, the same kind of smell an antiques dealer had, and strangely it comforted you enough that you leaned backwards into his chest, feeling safe.

“Oh my God.” You whispered turning around to see Cain behind you, still holding you by the shoulders.

“Don’t put that-“

“You saved me.”

Cain was not about to show any pride however, he pushed you away from him when realizing how close you were and stood up, wiping his hands anxiously across his hoodie. “You fucking idiot.” He hissed. “Who’s dumb enough to walk away from oncoming traffic? And while not being able to hear anything. You’re so fucking lucky that I came after you.” His criticism may have been right, but damn, it hurt you to hear the words come from his mouth as he towered above you, who was still down in the dirt, fingers pressing into the earth’s dust.

“I’m sorry.” You pulled yourself up to his level, not looking at him. “Are you hurt?” Trying to not let your voice break, you knew Cain wasn’t sympathetic to tears, and it felt too humiliating to break down in front of him now.

He sighed, tutting. “I should be asking you that.” His voice was low, any trace of anger at your stupidity gone as he swallowed hard. “I’m sorry that was… harsh of me.”

Two apologies from him tonight, record breaking. And this one you could not chose to ignore. “What you said was true. I wasn’t thinking, it was dumb of me to be so careless.”

“No.” He shook his head leading you back out onto the now dead road. He picked up your destroyed iPod and handed it over, your fingers ever so slightly brushing. “I know this road better than you; I shouldn’t have let you walk alone. Or at least warned you. Idiots always speed down it since it’s so quiet and with the lack of street lights it can be a problem.”

“Yeah well, I stormed out. Neither of us planned for…” You trailed off shivering in the wind. For a summer’s night it was colder than usual. You pulled your cardigan closer to you and winced, feeling the cold air smooth over your back. “Shit I loved this cardigan.” You mumbled, pulling it off to see the big tear it had down the back and across the sleeve, probably from where you had fallen.

“You are hurt.” Cain said grabbing your arm unexpectedly, twisting your elbow towards him to look at your injury. You glanced over his fingers pressed into your skin, checking his expression for the usual signs of disgust at human contact. But surprisingly he only seemed concerned. It was weird.

“It’s only a graze.” You said pulling your arm from him, a little unsettled at the whole situation, shivering again. “I can clean it up when I get home.”

“I’ll walk you to the bus.” He said already moving ahead before glancing back and stopping. “You cold?” He asked noticing you shiver, clutching your destroyed cardigan, smashed iPod and tangled earbuds in one hand. “Here.” Before you could say anything he was taking off his brown hoodie and putting it over your shoulders in a rather gentlemanly manner. You had yet to see him uncovered by the thick fabric barrier in all the time you had known him. It gave you a chance to cast gaze over his slender torso, black and red striped top clinging to him tightly, an obvious size too small. His notebook remained clutched at his side.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I don’t tend to feel the cold.”

“Oh yeah.” You whispered, “I remember you saying when we first met at the fare.”

Cain nodded continuing to head down the road, you trailing behind watching his messy jet-black hair drift in the breeze and you had to stop yourself from staring. The two of you walked in silence for a while, the trees having ceased their whispering as well.

Suddenly you realised something. “Cain thank you.” You said feeling guilty it had taken so long for you to tell him that.

He did not look back. “Don’t worry about it, I did what anyone would do.” “That’s not what I meant, well, I am still appreciative of you saving me from being ran over, but I meant thank you for coming after me.” That caused him to turn and glance at you, and through the dark you could see his aloof mask slip just a bit from his face.

“I’m sorry. It was a stupid argument.” He said at last turning back. “I don’t want to lose you over it.”

“Lose me?” You asked.

Cain pressed his fingers into his palms, posture stiffening. With a hoarse voice he replied, “Yeah, lose a friend.” The words were forced, but also a warning to not pry further because something told you that he did not even know what the significance of that word meant to him. You were more likely to reach the conclusion of what he wanted before he himself even knew.

And it was becoming clear to the darkness at least, what he wanted was you.

The two of you arrived at a dimly lit bus stop, taking a seat you wished you had brought your flip phone, or watch if only to check the time. The bus came hourly this late, who knew when the next one would come. Cain promised to wait until you got on it though, he himself preferring to walk the long way back to town on his own for what ever reason. Perhaps you thought that it was because of you? Maybe he had had enough awkwardness for the day and wanted the familiar company of just himself for the trip back to town. Or maybe he would finish the adventure and go back the children’s hospital alone like he had done before. Soon thoughts of Cain swam around in your head, keeping you occupied while he returned to scribbling in his notebook until the engine roar of the bus reached both of you. The door pulled open as Cain closed his notebook, turning to you with a new, unreadable expression. His eyes glanced to the bus.

“See you on the node?” You asked.

“If you’re not giving up on me just yet.”

You shook your head. “I’ll give this back.” You said beginning to shrug his hoodie off from your shoulders, but he stopped you.

“Don’t worry about it, keep it, you can give it back whenever.” Cain took a step back, hands in his pockets, notebook resting on the bust stop bench as he chewed on his lip. “I’ll check the node tonight, if you can message to say you got home alright.”

You nodded taking a step towards the bus, Cain’s jacket still wrapped around you. “I will.”

A promise he would hold you to. Cain watched you grab a window seat on the bus as you put both arms through the sleeves of his hoodie, pulling it close to you. It was surprisingly soft. A sad smile tugged at his lips, as he watched the bus drive off after you waved goodbye to him from inside.