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living under a rock is so fun i love watching a movie thatâs been famous for decades and being like wow this is so good.. did you guys know about this
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It's my cat's birthday (anniversary of me getting him) so I told him the story of his life while petting him real good
Highlights include:
For your first two years (when you were small) you lived in a foster home with people who raised you into a very polite young man. Two is like you plus me, that's what two is.
Some people adopted you before me and they called you Timmy (which is a stupid name) and they returned your ass almost immediately because you were so annoying at that age.
Like think about how annoying you are right now at seven years old, but way worse.
I'm better than them though, I don't call you Timmy and I wore earplugs to bed for three years because you love to scream at bedtime. Earplugs are like when I roll over and go back to sleep even when you are yelling so so so loud.
I got you at a time in my life when I was really sick (being sick is like when I'm up late because I'm throwing up and you are a very handsome good boy who sits with me) and they had to put me asleep for a procedure. A procedure is like what happened to you when they put you asleep and took your balls away.
Now you've lived with me for five years. Five is like the number of toe beans on one of your feet. When I clip your nails five is when we're halfway done. But we're hopefully not even halfway done with how long we get to be together. I'm gonna have to figure out new ways to help you count.
Was that your mom I just met that was Sofia ok is Sofia your mother ?? My mother is dead. Let me put it this way. Are you hitting the same vagina you spent the first nine months of ur mortal life in?? Anatomically. Thereâs the womb, and thereâs the cervix- Stop the car. and thereâs the uterus, Are you jumping the cervix??? And thereâs-đ€źđ€źđ€źđ€źđ€źđ€źđ€źđ€źđ€ź STOP THE CAR â- MY SHOES!?! Itâs not one thing Louis (theowing up) đ€źđ€źđ€źđ€ź STOP THE GOD DAMN CAR. LOUIS!!!! Fuck fuck fuck my shoes. LOUIS!!!!!!!!! LOUISSSSSSS!!!!!!!! You donât eat where you shit, and you donât come inside the door you came out of what on GODS SAVAGE EARTH IS THERE TO TALK ABOUT ?? She was dying Louis I gave her the gift NO NO ITS BASIC ITS FUNDAMENTAL- NO ITS A COMPLICATED MULTIFACETED SET OF CIRCUMSTANCES NO NO THERES NO CIRCUMSTANCE THAT LEADS TO OH YEAH!! I COULD SEE HOW THAT WOULD HAPPEn!?!?! Youâre being very judgey. Come to Montreal???? See me sing??? Hey meet my friend with incestual benefits !?! This is all- all- time Armand level deceit. OH DO NOT WALK AWAY AND - AND - AND SAY HIS NAME DO NOT COMPARE ME TO HIM HOW IS THIS ANY DIFFERENT THIS IS A CENTURIES LONG LIE YOU HUNG HER PORTRAIT OVER OUR COFFINS IN NEW ORLEANS ITS SICK ITS SICK - WE ARE UNNATURAL BEINGS AND THIS IS THE HALF HUMAN SOUL YOU CONVENIENTLY WHIP OUT WHENEVER YOU WANNA WIN AN ARGUMENT WHAT -ARGUMENT YOU GOT FOR FUCKING YOUR MOTHER ITS SICKNESS MAYBE THE SOURCE OF ALL YOUR SICKNESS BUT MY GOD - YOU!!! YOU!!! - SEEK A PROFESSIONAL - YOU CALL ME OUT OF NOWHERE TO SAY YOURE PAYING A GIRL TO PRETEND TO BE CLAUDIA AND PAYING A GIRL TO PRETEND TO BE MADELINE AND WHAT DO I SAY DO I SAY YOURE SICK LOUIS DO I SAY SICKNESS LOUIS NO I SPEND A MONTH AND A HALF TALKING YOU BACK FROM UNIMAGINABLE FRENZY IN THE MIDDLE OF MY OWN FRACTURING đ°đšđšđ°đ°đđđšđ°đšđđđšđ°I OFFER YOU ROOM UNDER MY ROOF OkâŠ.. I OFFER YOU THE POSSIBILITY OF RECKONING WITH YOUR CRIPPLING GUILT OkâŠ.. I OFFER đđđđđ°đ°đ°đ°đ°đđđđđđđđđ°đ°đ°đ°đ° I OFF đđđđđđ°đ°đ°đ°đ°đšđšđšđđđđđđOkâŠ..Itâs okâŠ. đđđđđđđđđđ°đ°đ°đđđđđ€źđ€ź
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are you telling me.....lestat went to a store, and didn't just buy candy for trick or treaters, he bought one of those plastic imitation cauldrons to PUT the candy in. i'm unwell.
UPDATE. are you telling me.....lestat left a NOTE on his DOOR so trick or treaters know he's not home and he left them candy!!?? AND he decorated his porch with a skeleton??? AND he dressed up in costume for an event that clearly no other adults are dressing up for cause he just loves halloween?? lestat is never beating the precious bitch allegations, i fear his whimsy can not be contained. i'm unwell.
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The way I'd die laughing if the finale opens back at the auction and Daniel walks in and sits next to Armand and it's confirmed that he is actually alive and has been this whole time but Lestat's bitchy theatre kid ass is just like... technically he's fine but he's dead to me
So is anyone gonna talk about how in the original pilot script Carmen is, like, way crazier??? And he's also a sneakerhead instead of a denim guy? And Sugar is some badass tatted up banker??? And he throws a pot of gravy to get people to listen to him? Just, like, the og script is so much grittier and darker than what we got.
LIKE????? HELLO?? While watching the 1st season I was wondering when they're gonna bring up his drug problem only to realize that he doesn't actually have one. I genuinely thought he did because he looked so fucking strung out and kitchens are known for getting people addicted to amphetamines. Like I really thought that that was where the story was going. And it looks like my instincts were right because him having a drug problem WAS written into the og script but they scrapped it. Probably because they wanted to make Mikey the addict and maybe to highlight just how good Carmen is because he did it all that, achieved so much, and he did it stone cold sober. That's an achievement. And also "Don't start with that shit, Sugar, like you're a goddamn angel" Oh I need party girl Sugar so bad.
Oh but there's more.
FIRST OFF. I fucking knew it was originally supposed to be EMP. I fucking knew it. In my head I call Empire EMP because it's such an obvious stand in. Best restaurant in the word??? It can only be EMP. But I guess there were issues so they changed it to the fictional Empire. Ok with that out of the way CARMY GETTING INTO A FIGHT LET'S GO. This is REAL unhinged chef behavior. "had a breakdown and punched somebody" that's just sooooo.... it's a thing that happens!!! Again, I understand why they changed this, the Carmy I know would only ever punch Richie, but this version of him feels much less inhibited and I find that so interesting. And I'm also glad that this script touches upon the economics of it all. Money is talked about in the show often, it's an important part of the plot, but not much was said about how exactly Carmen managed to afford keeping himself alive. I mean we assume that family was helping him, and they probably scarped it because it felt superfluous because they knew we'd fill in the gaps ourselves. And Sugar was his emergency contact. This doesn't surprise me but I'm just thinking like ok. They needed to call his emergency contact. So did he get his shit rocked? Was he in the hospital?
OK NOW THE CRAZY SHIT YOU GUYS AREN'T READY YOU JUST AREN'T
OH MY GOD??? DEMENTED??? AND YOU GUYS!! YOU GUYS! This was actually filmed!!! It was!! And you can see a glimpse of this scene in s2 when he's stuck in the walk-in having flashbacks. I don't know the exact time stamp but, just, like, watch from the moment he becomes stuck onwards, it's THERE!
LIKE, THIS IS BONKERS. "Carmy looks different. Is he enjoying this? Scary. Rabid. An animal." my gooooood. And Carmen tells HIM to clean it? THE 85 POUND WHITE DUDE COMMENT. And you think ok this guy is insane. He's actually crazy. But THEN
SO HE DID IT ALL JUST TO GET A REACTION. It was an ACT. And SYD, oh my god she's so cool about it. She's cool as shit overall in this og script. I mean she was always cool but here she's much less starry eyed about who Carmen is and it seems like she wasn't being set up to have been a huge fan of him. Here's their first meeting scene.
She's soooo... I don't even know. She's different! More subdued? The scene feels much less charmingly awkward. "Not many spots left" THAT'S SO INTERESTING. No her lying about how this was her dad's favorite spot. So I assume she knows of him but doesn't care. She's just like. I'm here to work. Love that. I like what we got in the show more obviously but it's so cool seeing her like this.
This is objectively weaker than "making sandwiches" and I understand why they scrapped it. But "like dismantling a bomb on a tilt a whril" is so good.
Oh yeah, Tina doesn't exist. Tina is a guy named Tito. Hence the HILARIOUS "Carmen, there is a woman" when I tell you I SNORTED. I can HEAR Ebrahem saying that so clearly in my head. EVERYTHING HERE IS SO FUNNY. "I'm sorry in advance for the people that work here" he's already putting her above them. He's EMBARRASSED. GOD. and Sweeps being homeless adds even more of that gritty realism that I loved in season 1. Also, with Syd being the only woman in the kitchen, Richie is even more of an asshole to her. I mean microagressions like you wouldn't believe.
I mean he's literally described as an asshole. And he's a Kalinowski here! But still an asshole becauseeee...
Ugh. He also berates Carmy for "hiring women without asking him". I mean this isn't better than his infamous "sucking someone off at the telegraph for a good review" bullshit he said in s1e7, but it's equally as blood boiling. Honestly the biggest achievement of the writing in this show imo is how they managed to turn Richie into a guy I'd go to war for. Such a beautiful character arc he had.
Tumblr won't let me add more than 10 images so I have to stop here, but I highly recommend you guys go read the og script for yourselves because there's so many fascinating little things in there! Just Google The Bear pilot script, it's the first thing that comes up.
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