Words, Words, Words

I thought I was done with games from the people I love. I thought I was worth more than this. I thought I deserved more than lies and behind the back shit.

I need you to realize I'm what you need.

And if I've learned anything in my 23 years on this earth it's that you can love someone with every ounce of yourself you have and it still may not be enough. Doesn't matter if they know it or not. Love is shit. It means nothing. You know what does? Laughs, an intoxicating smell of someone, their eyes, how their hair feels as it drapes through the spaces between your fingers, how you know at that one part of that song they clap their hands to the beat. You know what means something? When they call you first, when they ask what's wrong cause they can just tell. When they know exactly what stupid voice to use to make you smile when your mother tells you on the phone how much of a piece of shit you are and ruins your night. How her lips hold the filter of that cigarette she's smoking. How her skin feels against yours when you're against each other and can't catch your breath. How she wants to know how your day was. You know what matters? That shit. Because love is just love. These mean something. And I could love you. I do love you. But if those things about me don't make your world stop, then what I feel for you....has no value.

You were the one thing I never wanted to lose. And knowing I'll probably never speak to you again in my entire life is the most gut wrenching feeling. Especially when it's because of nothing I did wrong. Not being able to justify it makes it that much worse and harder to deal with. All I do is miss you. It's not getting easier and I still long for you. It's not fair. It shouldn't be like this. I shouldn't have to deal with these feelings.