I AM A MILLENNIAL !

          so ,      a   few   of   y’all   may   have   noticed   i’ve   been   gone   for   a   while ,      &&   i’m   really ,      genuinely   sorry   because   i   never   planned   to   disappear   like   that ,      but   some   personal   circumstances   lead   me   to   just .      getting   really   anxious   every   time   i   tried   to   open   this   blog .      it’s   not   because   i   don’t   like   madison   or   the   fandom ,      i   promise !      that’s   why   i   never   wanted   to   officially   leave   the   fandom   or   mads ,      because   i’ve   really   fallen   in   love   with   her   character   &&   have   made   so   many   friends   here   that   abandoning   it   all   is   devastating .

          but   as   much   as   i   love   madison ,      i   can’t   be   on   this   blog   anymore .      so   i’m   going   to   be   moving   madison   to   a   new   blog   and   starting   over ,      which   does   unfortunately   mean   dropping   all   the   threads   i   currently   have .      i   totally   understand   if   anyone   i   was   writing   with   is   upset   about   this   &&   doesn’t   want   to   write   with   me   anymore      /      feels   betrayed ,      &&   if   this   means   you’re   no   longer   interested   in   writing   with   me ,      it’s   totally   okay ,      but   the   truth   is   that   i   really   just .      can’t   see   myself   coming   back   to   this   blog   as   it   is   with   the   way   i   feel   now .

always remember u :p

( ✿ : @millennicl )

The thing that Emma hated the most about Madison’s absence was that she couldn’t know how she was feeling. She could read the letter a million times but even with her gift of empathy, she couldn’t decipher the emotions the other girl was feeling when she had written it. When the two were together Madison couldn’t hide the way she felt from her – she could try but Emma could see right through it because she could feel the emotions as though she was experiencing them herself.

She was surprised to find her twin completely sober – usually, alcohol was Madison’s go to for everything when she was upset. The fact that she wasn’t intoxicated would have led her to believe that she didn’t even care or wasn’t hurting at all if she didn’t have the power to know and feel the truth. There were so many emotions coming from Madison that it flustered the empathetic girl as she tried to distinguish each one – she felt too flustered that she gave up quickly.

The question was answered with a bitter laugh. “Isn’t it obvious? I flew and then drove all this way.” Madison had to know exactly what she wanted – she wasn’t a stupid girl and there was no way she could be that blind. “I want you. I don’t care if you think you are doing the right thing for me or for yourself. I’m here to tell you that you’re not. You’ll only end up killing both of us…” 

She dared to take a few steps closer. “Look I know you want normal but we are not normal. At least not society’s version of it. But that’s not a bad thing…” She was so choked up and overwhelmed by the love she had for her sister that the thought of losing her was practically killing her. “We have our own version of it and that’s okay.” She desperately needed to get through to the younger girl.

          of   course   she   knew   the   answer   before   she’d   even   asked   the   question .      emma   had   to   have   known   that   just   as   well   as   she   did      —      &&   yet   the   words   that   followed   only   hurt   even   more .      i   want   you .      words   that   made   her   heart   ache .      made   her   throat   tighten   as   she   continued .      &&   maybe   she   was   right .      being   away   from   her   sister   hurt .      felt   the   loneliness   like   a   constant   ache   in   the   very   bottom   of   heart .      but   it   would   need   to   happen   eventually ,      wouldn’t   it ?      they   couldn’t   be   together .      not   really .      &&   someone   would   find   out   eventually ,      right ?      it   would   manage   to   get   to   the   media .      would   ruin   not   only   their   careers   but   also   their   lives .

          it   would   be   better   for   both   of   them   if   things   were   normal .      emma   was   wrong .      it   was   bad .      not   because   of   some   fundamental   moral   principal   she   held ,      but   because   she   knew   it   would   get   them   in   so   much   trouble .      &&   yet ,      the   mere   thought   of   needing   to   stay   away   from   her   forever   hurt .      felt   like   what   she   knew   had   to   be   heartbreak .      like   everything   in   her   was   decaying .      like   soon   there   would   be   nothing   left   of   her .      she   wanted   to   believe   emma .      wanted   to   believe   that   everything   would   be   okay .      but   that   was   stupid .      she   needed   to   be   realistic .      one   of   them   did .

( ✿ : @millennicl )

The thought of the vibrator going inside her made the older girl cringe slightly at first. She only relaxed when she reminded herself that it would be Madison putting it inside her - her sister and the only one she trusted. After those two awful experiences with those boys, she hated the thought of having anything inside her. The only exception she’d ever made was Madison’s fingers - even if penetration didn’t do much for her she’d still allowed her twin to do it because Madison seemed to enjoy it so much.

After a few moments of silence as she contemplated the thought, Emma finally nodded. She couldn’t deny she was a little bit curious to see if Madison would be able to do something to make her see what was so great about having sex that way. Her sister’s fingers touching her in such a gentle way just succeeded in coaxing her even more until she gave in. Madison always knew all the ways to get what she wanted out of her and she did it so effortlessly. “I know you will.” Emma had no doubt that her sister would do anything it took to get her off because she always did. “Let’s try it…I want to see how good you can make it feel.” At that point, she was so turned on that she would probably give anything a try.

The way that her sister spoke to her just made her melt even more. "Get it …in the box under the bed…” Where they hid all their toys so their parents wouldn’t find them. Mainly their mother who was always snooping in everything. “I just want you now…do anything you want to me.”

          the   other’s   agreement   would   only   make   her   even   more   excited   to   try   it      —       would   pull   away   slowly   to   retrieve   the   toy   from   the   box   beneath   their   bed ,      not   that   she   was   about   to   try   using   it   right   away .      wasn’t   stupid      —      especially   when   it   came   to   emma .      definitely   wasn’t   in   a   HURRY .      instead ,      move   back   to   emma ,      dropped   it   on   the   bed   beside   her   sister   as   she   leaned   in   again ,       pressed   a   gentle ,      deep   kiss   to   the   other’s   lips ,      free   hand   slid   back   up   her   shirt   to   push   her   back ,      get   her   to   lay   back   on   their   bed ,      fingers   pushing   up   beneath   her   bra ,      pushing   it   up   as   she   cupped   her   breast ,      thumb   rolled   over   her   nipple   gently .      “      hell   yeah .      ”

      “  enough,  I  thought?  ”

mild  disappointment  coincides the  rejection.  usually baking  is  something he’s  good  at,  or  at  least  decent,  but judging  by  her  tone,  he’s  fallen  short  this  time.  a  rustle as  he  reaches into  the  paper  bag  of  truffles,  and  he  withdraws one.  green  hues  trace  the  white  chocolate drizzled  pattern  atop.  he’s  not  one  for  giving  up  very  easily, but  he’ll  need  feedback  before try  two.

      “  it’s  too  sweet? or  not  sweet  enough?  ”

                                                                                   OUCH.

          Definitely NOT a reaction the narcissistic sociopath was USED TO GETTING – internally she scolded herself for touching. This wasn’t a night on the town at some bar picking up slutty bimbos (though she was very much drunk), this was a SERIOUS situation. She just didn’t know how to take anything seriously. Ego sufficiently battered, her fingers curled away from Madison’s knee like a dying spider’s legs – recoiling into her palm. Redhead teetered on the idea of apologizing, but decided against it. Pride couldn’t take another BEATING. 

          SILENCE was all Helena offered in response. Teeth chomping down on the insides of her cheeks until she could taste the familiar tang of iron on her tongue – She DRUNKENLY pushed her small, heavy body off the center-console, fumbling with the handle to the car before finally escaping it’s clutches. For the first time tonight she was ALMOST REGRETTING getting wasted.

          Small hands were stuffed into the pockets of her baggy, tattered jeans, and she was speeding the pace of her STUMBLING. Following after Blondie – trying her damnedest not to trip over her own goddamn feet. “Whatever ya say, princess.” Feeling her pack of smokes ‘neath fingertips, she plucked them out, flipped the box open and perched one upon her lips. “So what exactly’re we lookin’ for?” Finding her lighter she lit up the cigarette and GREEDILY sucked chemicals into her lungs – TOOK OFF THE EDGE. Helena was now being very deliberate in her actions. At the end of the day the chick was helping her out, no need to PUSH LIMITS. If she had to act “different” for a few hours to get the protection she needed, so-be-it. She’d keep her hands, and other body parts TO HERSELF. Keep the anti-Christ off her ass. Kill off daddy. Be free. Then she could do whatever the fuck she wanted with whoever the fuck she wanted. 

          IT   WASN’T   PERSONAL      —      an   automatic   fear   response   that   had   been   programmed   deep   into   the   marrow   of   her   bones .      didn’t   particularly   care   when   she   wasn’t   offered   an   apology .      wouldn’t   give   one   herself ,      either ,      whether   she   should   or   not .      (      wasn’t   this   chicks   fault   that   even   the   lightest   touch   hurled   her   directly   into   that   ever - present   fight   or   flight   mode .      whether   it   was   appropriate   to   be   trying   to   feel   her   up   right   now   or   not .      )      she’d   pull   open   the   door      —      made   sure   she   was   being   followed .      took   a   deep   breath .      an   attempt   to   brace   herself   for   what   she’d   be   leading   this   unsuspecting      (      and   very   drunk      )      woman   through .

          first   was   the   kitchen ,      though ,      and   that   was   still   clear .      &&   yet ,      she   found   her   gaze   flickering   across   the   room .      CHECKING   for   anything   out   of   place       —      anything   hiding .      still   came   up   empty .      “      spell   books .      they’re   in   the   headmistress’s   office .      we’ll   see   what   we   need   from   there .      ”      heels   clicked   against   wooden   floors   as   she   navigated   familiar   halls .      trying   to   decide   just   what   she   should   tell   the   other .      (      didn’t   want   to   risk   her   getting   herself   hurt   when   she   saw   the   devastation .      the   dozen   bodies   that   scattered   the   floor .      )      finally   would   halt   just   outside   the   door       —      glanced   back   towards   the   other .      “      alright ,      look ,      i   get   that   you’re   probably   the   TOUGH   BITCH   type   like   me ,      but   i’m   gonna   tell   you   to   not   freak   out   anyways ,      because       —      most   normal   people   don’t   deal   with   this   shit .      &&   if   you   DO   decide   to   freak ,      i   will   take   control   of   your   mind   &&   force   you   to   forget   it .      ”      head   canted   slightly ,      arms   crossed   as   she’d   assess   the   other .      “      just   remember .      this   is   why   you   should   be   scared   of   whatever   the   fuck   was   after   you .      just   in   case   you   couldn’t   already   tell .      ”

“Almost eighteen years of living with her and you are seriously just coming to this conclusion?” A soft laugh accompanied the question. “She’s definitely got something wrong inside her head. I was just thinking she was batshit but bipolar does make a lot of sense…” One minute the woman was nice as could be to her daughters - but that was mainly in front of others for show - and the next she was treating them like complete trash.

It wasn’t like their bitch of a mother would ever admit to having mental problems - in her opinion, she was as perfect as they came and her children were the flawed ones. “Could you imagine what her reaction would be if we ever tried to tell her that we thought she was bipolar?” That would never go over well and just the thought of it scared Emma. When it came to either of their parents she tried to remain as invisible as she possibly could to them. It was Madison that had no fear of saying just what she thought to either of them.

          LAUGHED   at   the   thought   of   ever   so   much   as   speaking   the   words   to   their   mother .      as   if   it   would   ever   be   something   that   would   cross   her   mind .       the   day   she   dared   try   to   accuse   the   woman   of   being   half   as   horrible   as   she   was   would   be   the   day   that   she   DITCHED   HER   for   good .      something   that   she   only   seemed   to   be   able   to   dream   of   so   far .      “      you’re   right .      though   she’s   probably   got   a   whole   fuckton   of   other   mental   problems ,      too .      think   she’s   too   much   of   a   cunt   to   only   have   one .      ”

hey yall!! 

just wanted to say sorry i haven’t been over here much over the last week or so, but between finals and some personal stuff popping up, i’ve been kinda stressed out. i’m still around and checking this blog, but i’ve just been more active on my other blog   ( @ettusoror )   bc it’s more chill ig ? and less replies / drafts to stare at lol. so if you need me / want to chat, feel free to message me on discord or im me here or on my other blog !