Novel Surreality

AO3 got fucking scraped again for gen AI purposes!

AO3 got scraped for gen AI purposes again, a ton of works were included.

There's been DMCA requests and it looks like some/most? of it has been taken down, thankfully. Still. I highly highly recommend that everyone lock all their works to the archive right now. I can't force you to, but I strongly suggest that you do. Don't let them scrape your work in the future. It sucks losing guest interaction but. Would you rather feed the AI slop?

For people who guest comment: Make an AO3 account! You have to wait a bit for an invite but it's worth it i promise!!

For artists specifically: I recommend that you look into Glaze and/or Nightshade. There's also these disruption filters, it's not clear how well these actually work, but you're welcome to try them. Glaze is supposed to work best, though.

It looks like you can see the status of the datasets here

And how to submit DMCA or copyright violation

Here’s how to easily lock all your works, in case you didn’t know.

First, go to your works. It should between the options to open your subscriptions and bookmarks.

Next, select edit works.

Next, select all then edit. This is the easiest and fastest way to edit all of your works at once.

Finally, scroll down to the visibility settings. There will be an option to only allow registered users to see your works, thus locking your fic. I also selected to only allow registered users to comment, not sure if that will help at all but I did do that.

If you find out your work was scraped and used for genAI, then follow the instructions op posted to file a claim. If anyone wants to, I can also show you how to make an AI disruption filter on your own in both ibisPaint and Procreate. It’s pretty simply, just use 3 colors (I pick them from my canvas), use the liquify tool to swirl n move them, blur, place 2 layers of colored noise filters (I enlarge one for extra color and stuff), then I personally use the overlay blending mode and turn the opacity down. I think any blending mode would work however.

A little coda to "Invisible"—set decidedly before "Contagion!" 12. ‘you could say I’m fond of you.’ * Buck fucks it up after, like, a month. He knew he was gonna. It’s just that most of the time the only people he talks on the phone to are Maddie and his parents—like any self-respecting millennial, he texts everyone else. And when you say goodbye to your mom or your sister or your adorable tiny niece, you say something like “okay, bye now, love you.” It’s just habit, honestly. If he talked on the phone more often to more people, it wouldn’t happen at all.  He’s talking on the phone a lot now. Eddie started it literally on the drive to El Paso—Buck was still standing on the street, his heart a miserable bruise in his chest, and then his phone chimed and Eddie was FaceTiming him. Buck opened it, all like, hey man, what’d you forget, but Eddie was just grinning at him from behind the wheel, eyes on the road and not the camera. Dude, Eddie said. I know it’s just drizzling, but you’re gonna get soaked if you don’t go inside. So Buck rolled his eyes and wiped the California rain off his face and went inside, and he slowly and inefficiently unpacked a box of silverware while Eddie complained about the price of gas and asked him about Pilot stations vs Loves vs Texacos, and Buck did his best impression of a normal person whose best friend was in the act of leaving him, even though his heart was pulsing in his throat like he’d swallowed one of those Looney Tune ticking time bombs, and surely that wasn’t normal at all. 

Anyway, now they’re always on the phone. Eddie calls first, usually—Buck’s eased up on the restriction a bit, but at first he was determined not to be too clingy, so they waited on Eddie’s schedule, whether Eddie needed him, wanted him, or whatever—but it turns out Eddie needs him all the time. Wants him all the time. Wants to talk to him all the time. Whatever. Buck talks to Eddie while he shops for groceries, while he cooks dinner at the firehouse, while he’s cooling off after a run. 

He gets access to all these aching pieces of Eddie’s life: a glimpse of the backseat of Eddie’s new car, little flash of Eddie’s local Albertsons, peeling wallpaper in Eddie’s new living room that looks nothing like the pictures. And he hears about conversations with Chris (so much better already,) and conversations with Eddie’s mom (bad, not that Buck can say so,) and Uber rides that went well and Uber rides that went bad, and recipes Eddie tried that went wrong, and recipes Eddie tried that went right, and whether there’s mold in the bathroom and whether Eddie needs to hire someone to put in new windows or whether he can do it himself, and—yeah. It’s almost normal, if Buck and Eddie normally lived their lives on FaceTime. 

So Buck’s guard is down, which is why when the bell rings and Eddie’s mid-rant about airport security (loitering in the cell phone lot at the El Paso International Airport waiting for a ride to come in,) he fumbles his coffee cup and says “gotta go, okay, love you, buh-bye.” 

He hangs up before he even hears himself, and then feels his ears heat up all the way down to the rig. That was so embarrassing. Like calling the teacher mom. Like calling Cap dad. Ugh. He’ll have to explain to Eddie that it’s just because of the Maddie-Jee-parents phone thing. Later. 

It’s their anniversary on Sunday. Two more days and they will have been married for a year—a whole 366 days—and it has gone by so quickly that it feels like no time at all.

In the grand scheme of things, it is no time at all. Not enough, certainly, although Eddie isn’t sure that’s much of a quantifier since forever wouldn’t feel like enough time with Buck. Which is... It’s funny, really, because forever was a concept he didn’t really believe in before Buck, but now it feels like the bare minimum, anything else impossible to imagine.

He’s trying not to do that now: imagine. Where he went wrong, what he could have done better, the conversation he’s going to need to have with their kids when he goes home.

“Eddie,” Bobby says quietly from behind him.

Eddie shakes his head. He knows what Bobby is going to say. He knows what the look on his captain’s face is going to be if he turns around.

Bobby comes closer, hand finding Eddie’s shoulder, his voice sure when he says, “It’s not your fault.”

Except—

”She’s going to fall.”

“And what if you fall?” snappy with adrenaline, with fear, the building trembling around them.

Buck’s gaze steady, steady, always trusting. “You’ll catch me.”

And Eddie didn’t. 

He was meant to catch Buck—was meant to have Buck’s back, always and forever, til death do them part and then some—and he failed. So it doesn’t matter what Bobby says, doesn’t matter how sure he sounds, it doesn’t even matter if Buck wakes up from surgery and doesn’t blame him either. Eddie will always blame himself.

“It’s our anniversary on Sunday,” he says, and his voice sounds numb and distant to his own ears.

“I know,” Bobby says, squeezing his shoulder. “Have you already got Buck a gift?”

“Socks,” Eddie replies, which sounds stupid and insignificant when he says it out loud, but. “His feet are always cold, he complains about it all the time, and they’ve got little fire emojis on them.”

They also say “hot stuff” on the soles, but Bobby doesn’t need to know that.

“He’ll love them,” Bobby says, smiling.

Buck will love them, Eddie knows that. He’s just not sure he’ll get the chance to see that familiar, delighted grin light up his husband’s face.

Eddie presses the heels of his hands against his eyes. He’s vaguely aware that he’s shaking, but he can’t work out whether it’s cold, or shock, or something else.

“Okay,” Bobby murmurs, and then he’s sitting sideways on the bench and pulling Eddie against his chest, arms wrapping around him in a tight hug. “Okay, I’ve got you. It’s going to be okay.”

Is it?

What if it isn’t?

“I can’t—” Eddie starts, but he can’t even bear to finish the thought.

The thing about grief is that it doesn’t get easier with practice. Eddie has lost more people than he can count, but none of it has come close to preparing him for the possibility of losing Buck.

“You can,” Bobby says, his voice steady.

Eddie knows he isn’t the only one who has been beaten down by grief before. He’s not the only one who has shied away from helping hands even as they dragged him out of the darkness. He’s not the only one whose heart will crumble, maybe fall apart completely, if Buck doesn’t make it through this.

He brings a hand up, holding tight to the arm Bobby has wrapped around his chest. He feels so old and unbelievably young when he whispers, “He’s going to be okay, right? Tell me he’s going to be okay, Bobby.”

“Eddie, you know I can’t tell you that.”

Eddie squeezes his eyes shut. He does know that, but. “Please.”

[Podfic] Before the Night Fades

My first podfic! A reading of the wonderful Before the Night Fades by @milenadaniels. I love this fic so much, I knew it was exactly the one I wanted to revisit for my first time recording a podfic.  

Length: 47 minutes 24 seconds  Format: Streaming + MP3 + M4B Rating: Teen & Up Fandom: 9-1-1 (TV)  Relationship: Evan “Buck” Buckley/Eddie Diaz Warnings: No Archive warnings apply Links: AO3, archive.org, Google Drive Summary: 

#return of the queen 😌✨

but then EDDIE, healthy and pink-cheeked, freshly back from Texas and just reinstated to active duty, downs his shot smoothly, scrubs his fingers through his hair and says, with a peculiar gleam in his eye, “nah, I’ll handle this”

And he claps Chim on the shoulder and strides over to the bar without a backward glance, his back muscles shifting beneath the frankly almost see-through white henley he decided to wear (which has been driving Buck insane for the last half hour - he swears he can see Eddie’s nipp-uh anyway)

The rest of the table have only a second to exchange wide-eyed glances and for Chim to say, “he’s not gonna kill him is he-”

Before they snap their gazes back to the bar, just in time to see Albert/Ravi’s face shift from surprised relief to confusion when eddie gracefully slides in between him and guy-who-won’t-take-a-hint, and lets loose.

And by “let loose”, I mean, Eddie cocking an aggressive hip and waving a pugnacious finger in the pushy guy’s face, who immediately backs a step away,

The bar isn’t that noisy, and so everyone can hear snatches of Eddie’s raised voice, phrases like, “-on our anniversary!!” and “-can’t leave him for 2 minutes!! fscking Hollywood-” culminating in a final “-and stay off my man, bitch, or so help me-”

The guy is halfway out the door, and by this time Albert/Ravi has shaken off his shock enough to grab Eddie’s gesticulating hand and get in on the act, saying “babe, babe it’s OK, he’s gone, he’s gone,”

Eddie laughs before winking at her and saying, “Nothing straight about that performance, Hen” and Buck nearly chokes as his sip of beer goes down the wrong way. Chim pounds at his back helpfully as he coughs and manages to get his breath back.

“I just thought Eddie was coming to help me get the drinks,” Ravi’s breathless with laughter, “And I was so relieved because I thought at least it would distract that guy, and then Eddie just gets all up in his face like, ‘go find your own boyfriend!’ and I think I just blue-screened or something,” he starts chuckling again,

and Eddie’s absolutely glowing with mirth, brown eyes big and bright and shining, cheeks flushed pink, even his hair looks fluffier and silkier and Buck couldn’t take his eyes off him if the whole bar caught fire right now.

There’s this weird hot churning in Buck’s gut that started when Eddie got up and strode over to Ravi’s rescue. It got worse when Ravi started to play along as the guy trying to placate his protective boyfriend, and he’d thought it would die down when Eddie came back to the table (to where he’d been sitting at Buck’s side)

But somehow, Eddie’s on the other side of the table now, with Ravi next to him, and Eddie turns to Ravi, still grinning, and says, “You played along pretty well there, hope I didn’t embarrass you too much,” and Ravi nudges Eddie’s shoulder with his own (which- ok, that’s, that’s fine, other people can nudge Eddie’s shoulder, it’s-Buck’s not going to-it’s fine-)

and Ravi’s like, “No way, why would I be embarrassed about my big strong boyfriend coming to rescue me? You were so brave, Eddie!” and the rest of the table cracks up laughing at the over-the-top lovesick intonation Ravi puts into the words. “Ravi, maybe you’ve got a future in soap operas,” Chim quips playfully.

It’s funny, it’s so funny, it’s all just messing around, right, but that churning in Buck’s gut kicks up another notch, when Eddie turns to Ravi and replies, with amusement dripping from every syllable, “Of course, babe, you know I’ve gotta look after my man, keep the wolves at bay,” and that’s just- no, be cool, Buck tells himself, be cool, what the fsck-

as Ravi, drunk off the hilarity of the moment, puts his arm around Eddie’s shoulders, and leans in close, opening his mouth to say something, and Eddie’s not even pulling back or, or pushing Ravi away, he’s just- he’s smiling at him, all loose and relaxed and-

Buck can’t remember the last time he got to be that close to a laughing smiling Eddie. Buck can’t remember the last time he was able to casually wrap an arm around Eddie’s shoulders like that. Before, Eddie had been sitting in the chair next to him, and Buck had managed to shift a little closer, just until their knees touched and their shoulders pressed together, and that had been. That had been good. That had been enough. It had to be enough, because Eddie didn’t- he wasn’t-, maybe, one day, but not yet, and that was fine-

Or maybe it wasn’t fine, because Buck blinks, and finds he’s on his feet, one hand on Ravi’s arm, actually lifting his arm up and removing it from around Eddie, probably (definitely) a little rougher than necessary, and he hears his own voice, a little too loud, a little too harsh to be joking, “Ok, jeez Ravi, he’s not actually your boyfriend, wanna give him some breathing space maybe?”

Ravi’s eyes are huge as he quickly shuffles a couple of inches from Eddie’s side. “Sorry, I was just joking. Eddie, I didn’t mean to crowd you-” Eddie’s eyes are wide too, staring at Buck in surprise. Hen’s Chim’s and Bobby’s eyebrows all seem to be in a competition to see whose can reach their hairline.

Buck’s face feels like it’s on fire, and he can feel adrenaline and embarrassment flooding his veins. His heart is pounding, and all he wants to do is sink into the floor and disappear.

“Buck! Hey, wait!” For a second Buck considers persevering in his getaway attempt, but he wouldn’t put it past Eddie to follow him home demanding answers. Especially now that “home” is the Diaz residence, at least until Buck finds a new place for himself (he hasn’t quite gotten around to looking up apartment listings yet; for some reason Eddie keeps changing the subject every time he mentions it).

There’s also maybe a small part of him that is tired of running from this.

He turns around and leans against the Jeep, watching as Eddie slows to a stop just a few feet in front of him. His beautiful brows are drawn together in concern as he gazes at Buck.

“You going home already?” His eyes flick down to the car keys still in Buck’s hand, then back up to his face.

“Yeah, I don’t-, I guess I’m just not really up for a night out tonight. I’m not good company.” The weak excuse stumbles from his lips and stops abruptly.

“You were fine until about 5 minutes ago, and then you just kind of bit Ravi’s head off. What’s goin’ on with you?” Despite his words, there’s not even a hint of accusation in Eddie’s voice, just confusion and worry. Buck feels even worse than he had before. He drops his gaze to the ground at their feet, feeling his cheeks burn with shame.

“I don’t know,” it’s only half a lie, “I didn’t mean to say it like that, I just, he was calling you his big strong protective boyfriend and I thought it was dumb, I mean, he didn’t need to keep going on like that, let the joke die, you know-” this sentence is going nowhere fast, and it’s a relief when suddenly Eddie steps forward,

Buck lifts his gaze as an achingly familiar warm callused hand drops onto his shoulder, broad thumb pushing aside his shirt collar to settle unerringly into that spot at his collarbone as precise as a bullseye

Sure enough Eddie’s ducking his head slightly, dark eyes luminous and seeking Buck’s under the garish lights of the parking lot.

“We were just kidding around, Buck, and you know that. Ravi doesn’t want me to be his big protective strong boyfriend, and I don’t want to be Ravi’s big strong protective boyfriend.” There’s the gentlest of teasing smiles tilting up the corners of Eddie’s mouth as he over-emphasises the words, and Buck ducks his head for a second, helpless against the answering grin that tugs at his lips whenever Eddie teases him like this. It’s basically an involuntary reaction at this point. Instinctual, even.

“Yeah? You promise?” He manages to joke in response. Just the warmth of Eddie’s hand on his shoulder, his thumb rubbing back and forth under Buck’s collar, it’s enough to make Buck feel about 90% better than he did a minute ago. Some kind of sorcery, or serotonin, or something. He’ll probably end up googling it later.

“I promise. I absolutely do not want to be Ravi’s big strong protective boyfriend.”

And that’s- that almost sounded like- Buck lifts his eyes to meet those of his best friend, and his breath catches in his throat. Eddie’s looking at him like-

“Not- not Ravi’s?” Buck manages to get out, as his heart starts galloping like a runaway horse. Eddie shakes his head, and moves even closer until Buck can smell the faint scent of his hair gel, mingled with his aftershave, and his sweat. If Buck could, he would bottle that smell, and keep it for himself, and that creepy thought isn’t particularly new either.

“Then whose?”

Eddie shrugs nonchalantly, even as his hand leaves Buck shoulder to cup his jaw, tilting his face down just a little. He’s so close, it’s-

“I don’t know, you happen to know anyone who’s in the market for a big stro-mmph!”

Buck doesn’t need to hear the rest of that sentence. And judging by the way Eddie presses him against the Jeep and kisses him back, he’s not too upset about the interruption.

~the end~