Milena. 34. She/Her. Multi-fandom blog. Presently drowning in Buddie (9-1-1), and Kliego (TUA) with a healthy dose of Destiel as a chronic malady. I also reblog a lot of stuff regarding social/world inequality so if that upsets you, this won't be a safe place for you. Icon by @scifitvaddict
As Eddie lays on the hot pavement bleeding out, his eyes locked on Buckās bloody face, his hand reaching out towards him, what washes over him isnāt his hard-earned stillness nor is it shock.
Itās clarity, edging slowly into focus from off-stage.
And when he wakes up in the hospital bed and registers a soft, slim hand in his, he thinks, āno, thatās not it.ā
ā-
Or, Five Ways Eddieās Body Feels Different After the Shooting
Carve It Into Stone, 1.5kĀ - Buck/Eddie + Chris, Sleepy Sickfic (AO3 link)
Caught in the rhythm of routine, Eddie remembers a few moments too late that heās meant to be entering quietly when he gets home from work.
Or: a self-indulgent Buck and Chris napping together fic because of this post.
Actually, Truly, 14k - Buck/Eddie, Helena POV, post-s4 (AO3)
Isabel calls to tell them Eddieās been shot on a Thursday afternoon and by lunch on Friday Helena and Ramon are landing at LAX. When they land, they learn Eddieās already home recovering and has been for two weeks.
ā-
Or, Helena (and Ramon) tries to find a way back into Eddieās life and doesnāt know what to make of finding Buck around every corner she turns.
Before the Night Fades, 8.6k - Buck/Eddie double date shenanigans (AO3)
āI have a bottle of champagne, four champagne flutes, one engagement ring to go into one of those champagne flutes, and a note to deliver it all to table 34 with dessert,ā Tomas explains, wide-eyed, throwing his hand back to the prep station where said champagne is waiting on ice next to four flutes and a small ring box.
āOkay?ā
āOkay so thereās two men and two women and I have no idea whoās getting proposed to. Iām not even 100% on who came with who."
---
Or, EddieAna and BuckTaylor double date and it ruins everyone's night.
(Need You) Like a Hole in my Pocket, 11.9k - Repressed!Eddie figuring out he's allowed to want things for himself (AO3)
Before he was legally allowed to drink, Eddie looked Ā out the passenger side window of his dadās truck, and in the dusty, Ā barren nothing of the Texan landscape, he saw his entire life written Ā out for him in someone elseās handwriting.
Eleven years later, walking out of an emergency meeting at Ā Christopherās school over his sonās recent ābehaviourā, Eddie thinks of Ā the view out of his dadās truck.
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looks like i have the gift of prophecy because....
AO3 got fucking scraped again for gen AI purposes!
AO3 got scraped for gen AI purposes again, a ton of works were included.
There's been DMCA requests and it looks like some/most? of it has been taken down, thankfully. Still. I highly highly recommend that everyone lock all their works to the archive right now. I can't force you to, but I strongly suggest that you do. Don't let them scrape your work in the future. It sucks losing guest interaction but. Would you rather feed the AI slop?
For people who guest comment: Make an AO3 account! You have to wait a bit for an invite but it's worth it i promise!!
For artists specifically: I recommend that you look into Glaze and/or Nightshade. There's also these disruption filters, it's not clear how well these actually work, but you're welcome to try them. Glaze is supposed to work best, though.
It looks like you can see the status of the datasets here
And how to submit DMCA or copyright violation
I'll say it again: FUCK AI THAT STEALS PEOPLE'S ART AND WRITING!!!!
Hereās how to easily lock all your works, in case you didnāt know.
First, go to your works. It should between the options to open your subscriptions and bookmarks.
Next, select edit works.
Next, select all then edit. This is the easiest and fastest way to edit all of your works at once.
Finally, scroll down to the visibility settings. There will be an option to only allow registered users to see your works, thus locking your fic. I also selected to only allow registered users to comment, not sure if that will help at all but I did do that.
If you find out your work was scraped and used for genAI, then follow the instructions op posted to file a claim. If anyone wants to, I can also show you how to make an AI disruption filter on your own in both ibisPaint and Procreate. Itās pretty simply, just use 3 colors (I pick them from my canvas), use the liquify tool to swirl n move them, blur, place 2 layers of colored noise filters (I enlarge one for extra color and stuff), then I personally use the overlay blending mode and turn the opacity down. I think any blending mode would work however.
Thank you for the tutorial! I have been putting it off in part bc the effort to do them individually seemed exhausting. Just did it in less than a minute on mobile!
A little coda to "Invisible"āset decidedly before "Contagion!"
12. āyou could say Iām fond of you.ā
*
Buck fucks it up after, like, a month. He knew he was gonna. Itās just that most of the time the only people he talks on the phone to are Maddie and his parentsālike any self-respecting millennial, he texts everyone else. And when you say goodbye to your mom or your sister or your adorable tiny niece, you say something like āokay, bye now, love you.ā Itās just habit, honestly. If he talked on the phone more often to more people, it wouldnāt happen at all.Ā
Heās talking on the phone a lot now. Eddie started it literally on the drive to El PasoāBuck was still standing on the street, his heart a miserable bruise in his chest, and then his phone chimed and Eddie was FaceTiming him. Buck opened it, all like, hey man, whatād you forget, but Eddie was just grinning at him from behind the wheel, eyes on the road and not the camera. Dude, Eddie said. I know itās just drizzling, but youāre gonna get soaked if you donāt go inside. So Buck rolled his eyes and wiped the California rain off his face and went inside, and he slowly and inefficiently unpacked a box of silverware while Eddie complained about the price of gas and asked him about Pilot stations vs Loves vs Texacos, and Buck did his best impression of a normal person whose best friend was in the act of leaving him, even though his heart was pulsing in his throat like heād swallowed one of those Looney Tune ticking time bombs, and surely that wasnāt normal at all.Ā
Anyway, now theyāre always on the phone. Eddie calls first, usuallyāBuckās eased up on the restriction a bit, but at first he was determined not to be too clingy, so they waited on Eddieās schedule, whether Eddie needed him, wanted him, or whateverābut it turns out Eddie needs him all the time. Wants him all the time. Wants to talk to him all the time. Whatever. Buck talks to Eddie while he shops for groceries, while he cooks dinner at the firehouse, while heās cooling off after a run.Ā
He gets access to all these aching pieces of Eddieās life: a glimpse of the backseat of Eddieās new car, little flash of Eddieās local Albertsons, peeling wallpaper in Eddieās new living room that looks nothing like the pictures. And he hears about conversations with Chris (so much better already,) and conversations with Eddieās mom (bad, not that Buck can say so,) and Uber rides that went well and Uber rides that went bad, and recipes Eddie tried that went wrong, and recipes Eddie tried that went right, and whether thereās mold in the bathroom and whether Eddie needs to hire someone to put in new windows or whether he can do it himself, andāyeah. Itās almost normal, if Buck and Eddie normally lived their lives on FaceTime.Ā
So Buckās guard is down, which is why when the bell rings and Eddieās mid-rant about airport security (loitering in the cell phone lot at the El Paso International Airport waiting for a ride to come in,) he fumbles his coffee cup and says āgotta go, okay, love you, buh-bye.āĀ
He hangs up before he even hears himself, and then feels his ears heat up all the way down to the rig. That was so embarrassing. Like calling the teacher mom. Like calling Cap dad. Ugh. Heāll have to explain to Eddie that itās just because of the Maddie-Jee-parents phone thing. Later.Ā
But later, after the next three calls, when Eddie calls to complain about people coughing in the Uber without masks again, Buck somehow totally forgets to say anything. And then Eddie gets another ride, and he has to go, and Buck fucking. Does it again. āBe safe, love you, bye.ā
He hears Eddieās surprised laugh before he fumbles to the hang-up button, and his stomach goes watery and weird.Ā
Itās not that weird, is the thing! Obviously he loves Eddie, theyāre best friends. Itās just one of those dumb things, that he doesnāt usually say it to his friends. Probably a toxic masculinity thing, if Henās right about that. He should be telling all his friends he loves them. He just hates the idea that Eddie might, likeāget the wrong idea. Itās not stupid to think that. Maddie thought that. Tommy thought that. Buck has to be careful, really careful, or Eddieās going to get weirded out and stop giving Buck even these little half-real glimpses into his life.Ā
āI love you,ā he tells Hen in the rig on their way to an apartment fire.Ā
Her eyebrows raise. āOh-kay. You know something I donāt know?āĀ
āNo,ā Buck says with kind of a forced breeziness. āJust telling my friend I love her.āĀ
āSure,ā she says, still sounding doubtful. āI love you too?āĀ
āWhat about me,ā Chim asks, kicking Buckās chair with the side of his boot. He and Hen give each other one of those best friend looks that Buck is used to but canāt decipher.
āUh, duh,ā Buck says, even though heās tempted to say Eh, depends whether you name my nephew after me, because heās trying to prove a point, here.
āWhat about Cap?ā Chim prompts, and Bobby raises his eyebrows from the front of the rig.
āObviously I love Cap,ā Buck says, like that isnāt the most awkward sentence to ever come out of his mouth. Bobby sort of winces back at him, but he looks touched, too? Itās a very Midwestern kind of look.Ā
āWhat about Ravi,ā Chim asks, snapping his gum, and Buckās stomach sinks because, like, he really likes Ravi, he trusts Ravi with his life, he thinks he and Ravi honestly should become better friends, but like, does he love him? Uhh, wellābut Ravi immediately shakes his head, not looking up from his phone.
āLeave me out of this one,ā Ravi says mildly. āFreaks.ā
āWhat brought this on?ā Hen asks.Ā
āI keep accidentally telling Eddie I love him,ā Buck says. āThatās not weird, right?āĀ
He gets laughed at for the rest of the shift.
*
The thing is, it does actually bother Buck. Like, heās into dudes now. He doesnāt want Eddie to think Buckās into him. Thatās importantāhas been since the beginning. Nothing changes between the two of them. Buck is determined not to change anything between them. Because it would be easy, right? Everybody else thinks so. It would make sense for Buck to be this pathetic loser in love with his straight best friend, haunting his house just like he haunted Abbyās house. And heās not. He loves Eddie in a totally normal way. He loves Eddie in the way that Eddie could love him back.Ā
So the next time Eddie FaceTimes him, Buckās determined to make sure Eddie gets it. He doesnāt get his chance right away, though, because before he can open his mouth, Eddieās putting a finger up to his lips, and Buckās jaw snaps shut. Eddie flips the camera around, and thereās Eddieās new living room, and Eddieās old couch, and thereās Chris, passed out with his Switch in his lap. Buckās heart clenches like a fist.
Eddie flips the camera back around, and walks quietly out of the living roomāheās not looking at the camera, but Buck gets a glimpse of the small, private smile on his face anyway. See, itās shit like thatāhow is Buck supposed to risk that? Eddie slips out the front door, and then settles down on the stoop, the late afternoon Texas sun turning his hair gold around the edges.Ā
āYou got him back,ā Buck guesses, and Eddie smiles at him, huge and happy like Buck hasnāt seen in months.
āI got him back,ā Eddie confirms, and Buck whoops and punches the air, which means he also accidentally drops the phone.Ā
āTell me,ā Buck demands, when Eddie stops laughingānot at him, but with him, giddy with his own success. āTell me everything!ā
āYou were right,ā Eddie says. āI just needed to show up.ā Then he tells Buck the rest of the storyāhow he drove out to Lubbock, how Chris threw up and Eddie stepped up, how Chris hates chess, how it was easy, in the end, to draw a line in the sand with his mom. Buck is so, so happy for him, for them, for his Diaz boys, which makes it so weird that his chest just hurts the whole time Eddieās telling him the story.Ā
āI knew it,ā Buck says when Eddie wraps it up. āI knew he missed you.āĀ
Eddieās still smiling with all his teeth, looking almost embarrassed about it. āYeah,ā he says. āYeah, he did.āĀ
āI love that,ā Buck says, orāwell, okay. Thatās what he means to say. What he actually says is āI love you,ā a stupid slip of the tongue followed immediately by a weird hot lurch in his chest. āWait! No.ā
āNo?ā Eddie asks. Heās laughing, thank god.
āNo,ā Buck says firmly.
āThatās too bad,ā Eddie says. āIām kinda fond of you.ā
āI,ā Buck says, choking a little on his desire to correct the record. āEddie! Obviously IāI mean, likeāyou know what I mean!ā
āYou donāt love me,ā Eddie agrees, and dramatically claps the hand not holding the phone to his chest, like heās been shot through the heart.
āI love Hen,ā Buck says, and he knows thatās a miss as soon as it comes out of his mouth.Ā
āOh sure,ā Eddie says, and heās actually giggling, the phone shaking in his hand. āMe too.āĀ
āEddiiiie,ā Buck says again, stretching out the word in a little bit of a whine. Okay, whatever, time to give explaining his best shot. āYou know, I likeāmost of the time Iām talking to Maddie or Jee on the phone, when I talk on the phone? And itās, like, itās habit.ā
Eddieās looking at him like heās crazy, but also like heās a cute animal video. āHave you seriously been stressing about this? Over a couple of I love yous?āĀ
Buckās throat is dry. He swallows and it clicks. āIāI donāt want to make it weird, thatās all.āĀ
āOh,ā Eddie says, and loses the cute animal video face. āIt's not weird.āĀ
Buck is going to crawl into a hole and die. Heās gonna find a shovel, dig a hole, and crawl into it. āItās not?āĀ
āNo.ā
āI, um.ā Buck feels weirdly shaky, even though this conversation isnāt a big deal and he knows he should be celebrating Eddie and Christopher right now instead of getting all adrenalized over nothing. āI thought it might be.āĀ
āYouāre crazy,ā Eddie says warmly. āTell me more about how you love Hen.ā
āShut up,ā Buck says. āI told everyone I loved them.āĀ
āWow,ā Eddie says. āEven Ravi?āĀ
āI could love Ravi,ā Buck says defensively, because he actually probably could! He and Ravi have been hanging out more lately! Heās getting into frisbee golf!
āRaviās great,ā Eddie agrees. āWhenās his birthday?ā
āI donāt know, Iāll have to check your Facebook,ā Buck says, and Eddie laughs, and the camera shakes with the movement. When Eddie readjusts, he brings it back closer to his face, and Buck can see the way his eyes are turning a little gold in the sunlight, too.Ā
āOkay,ā Buck says, āEnough of that. Tell me more about how Chris is doing.āĀ
Eddie smiles at him. They talk about Chris for a while, then about Eddieās plans for what heās gonna make Chris for dinner, then about Buckās upcoming weekend plans with Maddie and Chim. Eventually the sun starts to go down in El Paso, and Eddie says: āAlright, I should probably let you go.āĀ
āOkay,ā Buck says, even though he doesnāt want to hang up. āDonāt over-salt the pasta water.āĀ
Eddie rolls his eyes. āI wonāt.ā Then he gets a sly grin on his face, which is the only warning Buck gets before Eddie says: āLove you, man.ā
Buckās heart somersaults in his chest. āLove you, too,ā he gets out, and Eddieās back to laughing at him as he hangs up.Ā
Buck stares at his dark phone, then taps it anxiously against his knee. Itās not weird. Eddie said it wasnāt weird. If itās weird, Eddieās being just as weird as he is.Ā
āI love him,ā he says aloud, reassuring himself that itās fine. No oneās around to hear him; it makes Buck shiver anyway.Ā
Agents want to love your book. Hiring managers want you to be exactly the person they need. The person on the other end of that blind date is hoping beyond hope that youāre their huckleberry.
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'it's their anniversary on sunday' + buddie š ily
Itās their anniversary on Sunday. Two more days and they will have been married for a yearāa whole 366 daysāand it has gone by so quickly that it feels like no time at all.
In the grand scheme of things, it is no time at all. Not enough, certainly, although Eddie isnāt sure thatās much of a quantifier since forever wouldnāt feel like enough time with Buck. Which is... Itās funny, really, because forever was a concept he didnāt really believe in before Buck, but now it feels like the bare minimum, anything else impossible to imagine.
Heās trying not to do that now: imagine. Where he went wrong, what he could have done better, the conversation heās going to need to have with their kids when he goes home.
āEddie,ā Bobby says quietly from behind him.
Eddie shakes his head. He knows what Bobby is going to say. He knows what the look on his captainās face is going to be if he turns around.
Bobby comes closer, hand finding Eddieās shoulder, his voice sure when he says, āItās not your fault.ā
Exceptā
āSheās going to fall.ā
āAnd what if you fall?ā snappy with adrenaline, with fear, the building trembling around them.
He was meant to catch Buckāwas meant to have Buckās back, always and forever, til death do them part and then someāand he failed. So it doesnāt matter what Bobby says, doesnāt matter how sure he sounds, it doesnāt even matter if Buck wakes up from surgery and doesnāt blame him either. Eddie will always blame himself.
āItās our anniversary on Sunday,ā he says, and his voice sounds numb and distant to his own ears.
āI know,ā Bobby says, squeezing his shoulder. āHave you already got Buck a gift?ā
āSocks,ā Eddie replies, which sounds stupid and insignificant when he says it out loud, but. āHis feet are always cold, he complains about it all the time, and theyāve got little fire emojis on them.ā
They also say āhot stuffā on the soles, but Bobby doesnāt need to know that.
āHeāll love them,ā Bobby says, smiling.
Buck will love them, Eddie knows that. Heās just not sure heāll get the chance to see that familiar, delighted grin light up his husbandās face.
Eddie presses the heels of his hands against his eyes. Heās vaguely aware that heās shaking, but he canāt work out whether itās cold, or shock, or something else.
āOkay,ā Bobby murmurs, and then heās sitting sideways on the bench and pulling Eddie against his chest, arms wrapping around him in a tight hug.Ā āOkay, Iāve got you. Itās going to be okay.ā
Is it?
What if it isnāt?
āI canātāā Eddie starts, but he canāt even bear to finish the thought.
The thing about grief is that it doesnāt get easier with practice. Eddie has lost more people than he can count, but none of it has come close to preparing him for the possibility of losing Buck.
āYou can,ā Bobby says, his voice steady.
Eddie knows he isnāt the only one who has been beaten down by grief before. Heās not the only one who has shied away from helping hands even as they dragged him out of the darkness. Heās not the only one whose heart will crumble, maybe fall apart completely, if Buck doesnāt make it through this.
He brings a hand up, holding tight to the arm Bobby has wrapped around his chest. He feels so old and unbelievably young when he whispers, āHeās going to be okay, right? Tell me heās going to be okay, Bobby.ā
āEddie, you know I canāt tell you that.ā
Eddie squeezes his eyes shut. He does know that, but. āPlease.ā
Bobby squeezes him, his voice rumbling through his chest and into Eddieās bones when he answers: āBuck is going to be okay. I promise.ā
the fact that buck has slept on eddieās couch several times, like this is canon, and eddie is the one to tell him that buckās couches have all been given and provided by his ex girlfriends⦠THINK ABOUT IT. the only couch heās never had to give up has been eddie's !!!!!!!!!!!!!
how do you expect me to be normal about that damn scene?!?! IT'S SO LOUD.
Quick reminder that if you forget exactly what happened in an episode of 9-1-1 or need dialogue for a creation you can go here and find transcripts for every episode.
If you click an episode title and it brings you to the search function, just type it into the bar and it will come up.
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Chris/Eddie went to Buckās couchless apartment!? Voluntarily!? Why? Why not go to the Diaz house? No, they really got in the car and said āhey letās go to Buckās house even though thereās no place for us to watch tv or play a video game because thereās literally no place to sit but at the island/tableā because they donāt need tv or video games they just need Buck. Iām not here. Iām away. Iām not okay.
Iām not even going to touch the ā3 triesā or the couch because just get out of my face with that. It was basically an engagement and that's all there is to it.
The fact that thereās a BIG GLARING HOLE where Buckās couch used to be. The fact that he never picked out his own couch. The fact that āBuckās couchā is in Eddieās goddamn living room and WE ALL KNOW IT.
I canāt. Leave a message. Iām not here.
In a conversation about making the right romantic choices, couches, and trying three times, the fucking staging of the goddamn lasagna next to the GENUINE beer.
My first podfic! A reading of the wonderful Before the Night Fades by @milenadaniels. I love this fic so much, I knew it was exactly the one I wanted to revisit for my first time recording a podfic. Ā
Length: 47 minutes 24 secondsĀ
Format: Streaming + MP3 + M4B
Rating: Teen & Up
Fandom: 9-1-1 (TV)Ā
Relationship: Evan āBuckā Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Warnings: No Archive warnings apply
Links: AO3, archive.org, Google Drive
Summary:Ā
āI have a bottle of champagne, four champagne flutes, one engagement ring to go into one of those champagne flutes, and a note to deliver it all to table 34 with dessert,ā Tomas explains, wide-eyed, throwing his hand back to the prep station where said champagne is waiting on ice next to four flutes and a small ring box.
āOkay?ā
āOkay so thereās two men and two women and I have no idea whoās getting proposed to. Iām not even 100% on who came with who.ā
ā
Or, EddieAna and BuckTaylor double date and it ruins everyoneās night.
I finally got to listen and I am beside myself!!! I can't believe this is your first podfic! Thank you so much for this! š Even the art is amazing???
[Image Description: 4 large gifs of Maddie Buckley, from season 5, episode 18. She is at the new dispatch center, wearing her dispatcherās uniform.
Gif 1: A shot of Maddie settling into her chair, reaching up to put on her headset.
Gif 2: A close up of Maddie from a different angle, as she adjusts her headset, and lifts her head as a call comes in.
Gif 3: Maddie takes a deep breath and answers, ā9-1-1.ā
Gif 4: Maddie continues, saying, āWhatās your emergency?ā And then smiles privately to herself.
/End ID]
Canāt wait for the moment next season when Buck is teasing Chimney for the umpteenth time about Maddie, all āYāall are raising a kid together and clearly are in love with each other no matter what youāre pretendingā and Chim finally snaps and is like āYou mean like you and Eddie?!?ā
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Actually now Iām imagining this but with a twist, like the team are all out for drinks, and then a guy starts hitting on Albert or Ravi at the bar, and Chimās about to go over there to interrupt and drag him back to the table,
but then EDDIE, healthy and pink-cheeked, freshly back from Texas and just reinstated to active duty, downs his shot smoothly, scrubs his fingers through his hair and says, with a peculiar gleam in his eye, ānah, Iāll handle thisā
And he claps Chim on the shoulder and strides over to the bar without a backward glance, his back muscles shifting beneath the frankly almost see-through white henley he decided to wear (which has been driving Buck insane for the last half hour - he swears he can see Eddieās nipp-uh anyway)
The rest of the table have only a second to exchange wide-eyed glances and for Chim to say, āheās not gonna kill him is he-ā
Before they snap their gazes back to the bar, just in time to see Albert/Raviās face shift from surprised relief to confusion when eddie gracefully slides in between him and guy-who-wonāt-take-a-hint, and lets loose.
And by ālet looseā, I mean, Eddie cocking an aggressive hip and waving a pugnacious finger in the pushy guyās face, who immediately backs a step away,
The bar isnāt that noisy, and so everyone can hear snatches of Eddieās raised voice, phrases like, ā-on our anniversary!!ā and ā-canāt leave him for 2 minutes!! fscking Hollywood-ā culminating in a final ā-and stay off my man, bitch, or so help me-ā
The guy is halfway out the door, and by this time Albert/Ravi has shaken off his shock enough to grab Eddieās gesticulating hand and get in on the act, saying ābabe, babe itās OK, heās gone, heās gone,ā
Before eddie, satisfied, turns and grabs the drinks theyād ordered and comes back to the table, a triumphant mischievous grin on his face, trailed by Albert/Ravi, who is barely holding it together, laughter spilling from his mouth as he reaches the table and absolutely loses it.
Everyone reaches to get their drinks, laughing and ribbing Eddie and Ravi (Ravi confirmed by @perfectlynervousbeardā lol). Hen takes a moment to applaud Eddie, saying, āThat was incredible, like straight out of a soap operaā¦or maybe a telenovela?ā she says, with a mischievous smile at Buck that he tries to return. Itās hard to muster up a smile. For some reason, he just keeps thinking about Eddieās protective posture, the way Raviās hand closed around Eddieās as he waved it around-
Eddie laughs before winking at her and saying, āNothing straight about that performance, Henā and Buck nearly chokes as his sip of beer goes down the wrong way. Chim pounds at his back helpfully as he coughs and manages to get his breath back.
āI just thought Eddie was coming to help me get the drinks,ā Raviās breathless with laughter, āAnd I was so relieved because I thought at least it would distract that guy, and then Eddie just gets all up in his face like, āgo find your own boyfriend!ā and I think I just blue-screened or something,ā he starts chuckling again,
and Eddieās absolutely glowing with mirth, brown eyes big and bright and shining, cheeks flushed pink, even his hair looks fluffier and silkier and Buck couldnāt take his eyes off him if the whole bar caught fire right now.
Thereās this weird hot churning in Buckās gut that started when Eddie got up and strode over to Raviās rescue. It got worse when Ravi started to play along as the guy trying to placate his protective boyfriend, and heād thought it would die down when Eddie came back to the table (to where heād been sitting at Buckās side)
But somehow, Eddieās on the other side of the table now, with Ravi next to him, and Eddie turns to Ravi, still grinning, and says, āYou played along pretty well there, hope I didnāt embarrass you too much,ā and Ravi nudges Eddieās shoulder with his own (which- ok, thatās, thatās fine, other people can nudge Eddieās shoulder, itās-Buckās not going to-itās fine-)
and Raviās like, āNo way, why would I be embarrassed about my big strong boyfriend coming to rescue me? You were so brave, Eddie!ā and the rest of the table cracks up laughing at the over-the-top lovesick intonation Ravi puts into the words. āRavi, maybe youāve got a future in soap operas,ā Chim quips playfully.
Itās funny, itās so funny, itās all just messing around, right, but that churning in Buckās gut kicks up another notch, when Eddie turns to Ravi and replies, with amusement dripping from every syllable, āOf course, babe, you know Iāve gotta look after my man, keep the wolves at bay,ā and thatās just- no, be cool, Buck tells himself, be cool, what the fsck-
as Ravi, drunk off the hilarity of the moment, puts his arm around Eddieās shoulders, and leans in close, opening his mouth to say something, and Eddieās not even pulling back or, or pushing Ravi away, heās just- heās smiling at him, all loose and relaxed and-
Buck canāt remember the last time he got to be that close to a laughing smiling Eddie. Buck canāt remember the last time he was able to casually wrap an arm around Eddieās shoulders like that. Before, Eddie had been sitting in the chair next to him, and Buck had managed to shift a little closer, just until their knees touched and their shoulders pressed together, and that had been. That had been good. That had been enough. It had to be enough, because Eddie didnāt- he wasnāt-, maybe, one day, but not yet, and that was fine-
Or maybe it wasnāt fine, because Buck blinks, and finds heās on his feet, one hand on Raviās arm, actually lifting his arm up and removing it from around Eddie, probably (definitely) a little rougher than necessary, and he hears his own voice, a little too loud, a little too harsh to be joking, āOk, jeez Ravi, heās not actually your boyfriend, wanna give him some breathing space maybe?ā
Raviās eyes are huge as he quickly shuffles a couple of inches from Eddieās side. āSorry, I was just joking. Eddie, I didnāt mean to crowd you-ā Eddieās eyes are wide too, staring at Buck in surprise. Henās Chimās and Bobbyās eyebrows all seem to be in a competition to see whose can reach their hairline.
Buckās face feels like itās on fire, and he can feel adrenaline and embarrassment flooding his veins. His heart is pounding, and all he wants to do is sink into the floor and disappear.
Sadly he canāt do that, so he does the next best thing - mumbles, āThink Iām gonna head out,ā as he turns on his heel and heads for the exit of the bar.
Of course heās only just managed to get his car keys out of his pocket when he hears Eddieās voice behind him.
āBuck! Hey, wait!ā For a second Buck considers persevering in his getaway attempt, but he wouldnāt put it past Eddie to follow him home demanding answers. Especially now that āhomeā is the Diaz residence, at least until Buck finds a new place for himself (he hasnāt quite gotten around to looking up apartment listings yet; for some reason Eddie keeps changing the subject every time he mentions it).
Thereās also maybe a small part of him that is tired of running from this.
He turns around and leans against the Jeep, watching as Eddie slows to a stop just a few feet in front of him. His beautiful brows are drawn together in concern as he gazes at Buck.
āYou going home already?ā His eyes flick down to the car keys still in Buckās hand, then back up to his face.
āYeah, I donāt-, I guess Iām just not really up for a night out tonight. Iām not good company.ā The weak excuse stumbles from his lips and stops abruptly.
āYou were fine until about 5 minutes ago, and then you just kind of bit Raviās head off. Whatās goinā on with you?ā Despite his words, thereās not even a hint of accusation in Eddieās voice, just confusion and worry. Buck feels even worse than he had before. He drops his gaze to the ground at their feet, feeling his cheeks burn with shame.
āI donāt know,ā itās only half a lie, āI didnāt mean to say it like that, I just, he was calling you his big strong protective boyfriend and I thought it was dumb, I mean, he didnāt need to keep going on like that, let the joke die, you know-ā this sentence is going nowhere fast, and itās a relief when suddenly Eddie steps forward,
Buck lifts his gaze as an achingly familiar warm callused hand drops onto his shoulder, broad thumb pushing aside his shirt collar to settle unerringly into that spot at his collarbone as precise as a bullseye
Sure enough Eddieās ducking his head slightly, dark eyes luminous and seeking Buckās under the garish lights of the parking lot.
āWe were just kidding around, Buck, and you know that. Ravi doesnāt want me to be his big protective strong boyfriend, and I donāt want to be Raviās big strong protective boyfriend.ā Thereās the gentlest of teasing smiles tilting up the corners of Eddieās mouth as he over-emphasises the words, and Buck ducks his head for a second, helpless against the answering grin that tugs at his lips whenever Eddie teases him like this. Itās basically an involuntary reaction at this point. Instinctual, even.
āYeah? You promise?ā He manages to joke in response. Just the warmth of Eddieās hand on his shoulder, his thumb rubbing back and forth under Buckās collar, itās enough to make Buck feel about 90% better than he did a minute ago. Some kind of sorcery, or serotonin, or something. Heāll probably end up googling it later.
āI promise. I absolutely do not want to be Raviās big strong protective boyfriend.ā
And thatās- that almost sounded like- Buck lifts his eyes to meet those of his best friend, and his breath catches in his throat. Eddieās looking at him like-
āNot- not Raviās?ā Buck manages to get out, as his heart starts galloping like a runaway horse. Eddie shakes his head, and moves even closer until Buck can smell the faint scent of his hair gel, mingled with his aftershave, and his sweat. If Buck could, he would bottle that smell, and keep it for himself, and that creepy thought isnāt particularly new either.
āThen whose?ā
Eddie shrugs nonchalantly, even as his hand leaves Buck shoulder to cup his jaw, tilting his face down just a little. Heās so close, itās-
āI donāt know, you happen to know anyone whoās in the market for a big stro-mmph!ā
Buck doesnāt need to hear the rest of that sentence. And judging by the way Eddie presses him against the Jeep and kisses him back, heās not too upset about the interruption.
~the end~
tagging @perfectlynervousbeard @biaoba @elvensorceress @stuckyevanstanfan thought you might find this entertaining even though itās really dumb and i think the characterisation got away from me lol
tagging people who showed interest in case they wanted to read the completed ficlet @freddyollie @toughpaperround @onelonelytortillachip @corgiqueen14 @dancer-me @gembu-tortuesouscafeine