MILAMINART

„ …in the first, raw weeks after jude had gotten out of the hospital, willem used to go into his room at odd hours to give himself confirmation that jude was there, and alive. back then, jude slept constantly, and he would sometimes sit on the end of his bed, staring at him and feeling a sort of horrible wonder that he was still with them at all. he would think: If richard had found him just twenty minutes later, jude would have been dead…“ - hanya yanagihara, a little life

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jude st francis // a little life

„…he stayed awake for a while, the feather comforter wadded around him, the mattress plush beneath him, watching the window turn white, and listening to water glugging from the faucets, and harold and julia’s low, indistinguishable murmurs at each other, and one or the other of them padding from one place to another, and then, finally, nothing. in those minutes, he pretended that they were his parents, and he was home for the weekend from law school to visit them, and this was his room, and the next day he would get up and do whatever it was that grown children did with their parents….“

„…. for a while they simply stood, both of them smiling, watching the dancers heave and blur before them. he was tired, he was in pain, but it didn’t matter; his tiredness felt like something sweet and warm, his pain was familiar and expected, and in those moments he was aware that he was capable of joyfulness, that life was honeyed.…..“

- hanya yanagihara, a little life

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jude + willem - new zealand

“willem?” he hears, and he runs through their bedroom, with their bed still made, and then sees jude in the far left corner of their closet, curled up on the ground, facing the wall. but he doesn’t think about why he’s there, he just drops to the floor next to him. he doesn’t know if he has permission to touch him, but he does so anyway, wrapping his arms around him. “i‘m sorry,” he says to the back of jude‘s head. “i’m so sorry, i’m so sorry. i didn’t mean what I said—i would be distraught if you hurt yourself. i am distraught.” he exhales. “and i never, ever should have gotten physical with you. jude, i’m so sorry.” - hanya yanagihara, a little life

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jude st. francis

why was willem here ? he was supposed to be away . . .

pho viet huong

“Don‘t you want to borrow one of my T-shirts?” He asked Jude.

lispenard street

„but when he tried the elevator button, he heard nothing […]. “no!” he shouted. “no!” his voice echoed in the lobby, and he smacked his palm against the elevator door again and again. he picked up his briefcase and threw it against the ground, and papers spun up from it. around him, the building remained silent and unhelpful.“ -hanya yanagihara, a little life

andy & jude

„forgive me. forgive me. forgive me.“

„you know you shouldn’t sleep like that, jude,“ he told him in his head. „your back is going to hurt when you wake up.“ but even if he could have reached his arm over to wake him, he wouldn’t have.

willem & jude