Aberrant Assemblage

halp

?

Currently.

Two up, one down.

One of the hardest realizations I've had to make in the past few months is that I need to talk to someone. Someone ...clinical. I need to realize that the destructive self-talk and compartmentalizing my feelings are not helping me in any way. And it goes deeper than everything that happened months ago. It's my imbalanced brain that caused everything to fall apart. I'm better, I'm worse. I'm good, no I'm not. I feel grand. But not in the shade. I'm making an appointment next week.

one day at a time.

this had to happen. It was bound to happen anyway, but the timing was impeccable. This has been the worst semester overall since I started school once more. And it's not even the school things that are getting me down. There's so much happening in the rest of my life that's making things so hard to handle.

have been pretty rough. I'm learning though. I'm growing. I'm working on defeating my inner turmoil instead of burying it all. I'm learning to actually be positive instead of just acting positive. Self-acceptance is my most difficult battle thus far.

but what about the ones you've had for your entire life? This isn't something new. This is something I've been burying since childhood. My evil twin lives inside me and he's been controlling my life for far too long. I'll be back.

Today is my blog's fourth birthday. If it were a child, it'd be speaking in full sentences and probably getting ready to attend kindergarten in the fall. And also if it were a child, I would be in jail because I haven't paid attention to it in over a year.

I met one of our new next door neighbors today.

The sleepiest pizza in the whole world.

Mutherfuker yes this happening.

It's been many moons since I've updated anything on this domain, but today I feel that I should post something worth documenting in my life. Ever since I've been old enough to perceive what the word meant, I've known I was adopted. It's not something my parents ever tried to hide from me, most likely because they wanted to instill pride in my personal origins, or to show that they wanted a child enough even though their physiology could not properly provide them with one. Or they wanted to make sure I didn't ever think that my 'real' mother didn't love me. I'm droning on. Anyway, my biological mother found me today. It was through a Facebook message, and she said she had been looking for me for years. At first I was skeptical; I didn't want either of us to end up disappointed. But after having her message my mom a bit, they both realized the truth: the woman who gave birth to me now lives in California. It seems weird to think of a sentence like that. The shock really hasn't worn off yet. Or I'm not really sure how things will change. Confused. Whenever I first tell people that I'm adopted most people ask if I'd ever tried to find my real parents. Usually I'd respond that by saying that I have found my real parents, and that I still live with them. To me, the ones that raised me are more important than the ones that created me. I guess it'd be different if my parents were jerks or something,bur they're not. I've had absolutely supportive and loving parents my entire life, so seeking the ones that were unable to raise me back then didn't seem too important. Turns out she was seeking me the entire time. I still don't really know what to think though. Ill have to come back to this topic later, once I can fully perceive what this all means. Until then, adieu.

Happy Holiday(s).