welcome to my humble abode

friends: what do you want to do? my brain: die me @ my brain: we can’t say that. these people don’t understand casual existential despair

hey kids u wanna buy some drugs

I want to punch whoever came up with the phrase “the customer is always right” because the customer is wrong, like really fucking wrong, 97% of the time.

“I want the tacos with the hard shells” Me:“ ma'am we don’t serve hard shell tacos. We have a soft flour tortilla or soft corn tortilla” “Oh. Then I want the corn. Those are the hard shell ones right?” Me:“no, ma'am, we don’t serve hard shell tacos. We have flour or corn tortillas” “Flour or corn? So…which ones are the hard ones?” -.-.-.- “Hey the lettuce from the salad bar doesn’t taste right.” “Uh sir we don’t have a salad bar. That’s the decorative kale for our salsa bar. It’s not meant to be eaten” “Well if it’s not meant to be eaten why are you serving it?!” “Sir, it’s decorative. We aren’t serving it.” -.-.-.- “What’s this extra charge on my receipt? Why are you charging me extra? I demand to talk to a manager!!” “Sir that’s the tax, it’s 5% in our state.” “No you’re trying to steal from me, I’ll have you fired!” “Sir, it says right there that it’s the tax.” -.-.-.-

Good god the list could go on forever

bitches be like “I SWALLOW” but they cant even drink pulp smh fakes

pulp is nasty cum isn’t. Sit yo ass down

you would rather have somebody’s sperm in your mouth than fruit

ya damn right

Reblog if it’s ok for people to give you $599.99