archived

For starters, I haven’t been happy here in a long time. I mean on this blog, specifically. I love the writing and I love the friends I’ve made, but my heart hasn’t been in this for a long time now, and I couldn’t pinpoint when exactly this started.

I can make all kinds of excuses, like I’m distracted, or I’m busy, but at the end of the day, I just don’t want to be here. I don’t know if it’s the pressure I put on myself or what happened. I really don’t. It’s no one that I talk to here, I promise.

So...I’m going to leave this blog. I’m not disappearing, because I’m going to archive and remake miishae. But...it won’t be the same. I’m not going to be a fandom-specific blog anymore, and I won’t be doing any fanfiction writings here anymore. I can’t keep up with it, and it’s making me unhappy.

Whenever I do get inspiration for writing, it’ll be posted over on ao3, under the same username there. But as for writing it on tumblr, I’m done. 

I had a great time in the JSE fandom. I’ll still follow Jack and Mark, but this blog, as it is, needs to be archived and left alone. I love all of you, you’ve all been super amazing, but I need to move on. 

Thank you. <3 

I’m not depressed or anything like that, I just have a lot of pent up anger that I need to redirect to healthier outlets, and it’s hard to focus on writing when my heart and head isn’t in it right now.

No. I just posted a long ass reason as to why I haven’t been here lately. I need to clear my head/focus on other things other than fanfiction for now. 

It’s so fucking tempting to go looking for reasons to get angry. It’s like a drug, you go looking for things that you know is going to piss you off, especially if it’s someone talking shit about you. It could be here, on tumblr, facebook, or even some stupid forum that doesn’t really matter. It’s a toxic self cycle that feeds into your anxiety, depression, low self esteem. You go have one small peek and feel that self righteous anger of “that’s not true! I’m not like that at all, how dare they talk about me like that?”

And then you keep going, because you know they’re saying more and more shit, and you want to go look for a fight, so you start your own shit, essentially declaring war, and before you know it, other people are dragged into this mess and no one comes out the winner.

A few months ago I and a few of my other friends had a falling out with someone we thought we knew and cared about. All this happened on tumblr/over discord. None of this was pretty, there was lots of anger and hurt feelings on both sides, and it seemingly came out of nowhere. And ever since this fallout, it’s been nothing but petty snipes at each other over tumblr, with both sides taking a quick peek to see the shit-talking, and starting it up over again.

And several days ago, it erupted into an all out war over tumblr. With screenshots, outright callout posts, yelling over discord, and finally....apologies, from this friend we had a falling out with. (she was the main instigator, but I will admit the rest of us were pretty shitty as well. it was rather ugly.)

So I guess I just wanna say, don’t feed into negativity. It’s tempting, and it can be an addicting rush of self righteousness, but if you know someone or something is toxic and not good for your mental health, it’s an okay habit to break.

Things I’ve learned out of this entire mess are few, but they’re slowly changing my life.

1. Don’t. 

It’s that simple, just don’t look. There’s no reason to work yourself up over something that ultimately doesn’t matter anyway. Toxic people aren’t going to change when they realized they’ve hurt your feelings. They’re going to keep doing it because they now know they have power over you. If you’re looking for reasons to get angry, look at sources that you can do something about, such as charities or helping friends out when they’re feeling down.

2. Focus your attention on something positive instead. That ‘positive’ could be any sort of comfort. If you’re looking for a reason to get upset, you’re probably already upset and just want to justify it, so focus that energy on something else. A book, a movie, a video game, a youtube series, whatever helps you through that negativity.

3. You’re better than that. 

You are. Whatever shit someone spews about you may or may not be true, but there’s no reason to stoop to their level. You’re better than that, and you can do better things. Don’t waste your time on bait or toxicity. You’re better than that and have control over your own actions.

It’s too easy to just say “I’ll take a peek”, and it’s really hard to completely ignore it, I get it. I’m there right now. I’m angry, and I feel like I got screwed over. I’m exhausted, upset for my friends, and want to go start another fight. But I know I’m better than that, and can focus my energy elsewhere, and turn it into something more positive instead.

I don’t know if any of this makes sense, but I’m going to post it anyway and go back to taking a break. I can’t focus on writing or maintaining this blog right now, so I just wanna say please take care of your mental health. You’re better than you think you are, and we all need to know that.

I am all aboard the ‘Virgil is a cat’ train. He’s very catlike, so yes, he’d easily be a cat Faunus.

Oohh, that’s a good question. I like the other three though!

Virgil. I’ve loved Virgil since the beginning, I relate to him the hardest.

Man I can’t even begin to tell you how obsessed I became with them over the past week or so. It was purely by coincidence I found that video too. I’m just.

But in my self re-discovery, I have found something that I rapidly became obsessed over, and it’s giving me inspiration for either a drabble or a series of drabbles.