Photos by Jon D Barker

Photo by Ed Mason, at Linkin Park's Creation event.

This has been a month of putting myself back in the narrative.

A month of reminding myself who I am, to me. To others. To the communities I choose to inhabit and ultimately embody.

A month of remembering that a good album and a good live show exist not in competition but complementary orbits.

Sitting through Hamilton this evening, with Leslie Odom Jr reprising his role as Aaron Burr and surrounded by a whole new cast for myself, with differing takes and tweaks to lines and performances, I kept catching myself enjoying new things. New moments from something I have seen, heard, and utterly dived into for a decade, as if it were the first time.

Small movements, the precision of performance, the flexibility of the stage, the blend of hip-hop swagger with delicate emotional turmoil, the eye contact and audience exploding into applause unable to contain the very deepest excitement and appreciation of what they were seeing.

The congregation processing a very religious moment of Aaron Burrs frustrations spilling over. Of Phillip's glee and tragedy.

No distractions, no separation, just me and the cast.

It's been years since we got the official cast recordings from Broadway, and in many ways, while still bringing me a lot of enjoyment, tonight's performance highlights how numb I'd become to the emotions coursing throughout. How much it had become well delivered songs but separate from context for me. An optional shuffle at times.

Similarly, the last two years have seen me reconnecting with the setlists and stanzas of Mike Shinoda, and Linkin Park. Lyrics that had sat in a comfortable place buried in repetition and muscle memory were reborn with new purpose, new meaning, new love. Old memories reanimated. Strengthened. New connections. New ways to experience it all.

Old songs that had been buried to a track list on an album were reinvigorated. New life breathed into their lungs. Resuscitated from the brink. Each strum another step in the CPR.

"It good to see you again" wasn't just an opening line, but permission to face the prose once more. Somewhere I Belong was an acknowledgment. A statement of intent. Being Part of Something meant channelling that enthusiasm into a project that I had once ripped myself away from in a flood of tears. Now sewing the seams together and winding all the love and memories in.

Over time I was handed the keys to my friends site, to sit as a face of it and open as many doors for people as I could. Collaborative, connecting, inclusive, adamant in our purpose and with so many ideas for ways we could grow that we overwhelmed ourselves immediately. But we stuck with it and by god has it been fruitful.

Knowing June would be the last time the band would be playing the From Zero Tour before a hiatus, I ended up putting a lot of the year on hold. Saving what I could from a less than fruitful year. Going out less so I could work more and lay some groundworks for networking, friendships and future plans.

I barely went out. We still watched livestreams of shows and I still had aspects of my community around me, but I also isolated far more than is good for me. Truth be told, I didn't have flights or accommodations booked for any destinations in June until midway through May. Juggling finances, taking on any which roles I could for whatever people could afford just to get it over the line.

And so while I missed those close to me and made some sacrifices, I also faced incredible generosity. Generosity in the form of companionship, connection, opportunities, and open collaboration.

I convinced a long time friend to come to Hamburg with me because we had other friends coming out there to also see. I was the recipient of a close friend of mine's utter kindness on multiple occasions in Munich and I don't know if I can ever truly explain what Zurich was or meant to me but just know it will live with me for lifetimes.

Support the arts. Support live music. Go to shows. Be kind to the people you meet. And thank you for the love you've shown me.

I'm a lot older than I used to be. If you knew me back then you might not recognise me now or whatever Mike said, but hopefully that's for the better.

Football came home, again.

Emily of Linkin Park, live in Hamburg, Germany 2024.

If you ever see me bigging myself up on main, or talking excessively positively somewhere, you should know it's taken a lot for me to get to that point. I'm a person whose confidence is steeped in recency bias, and I'm writing this as we approach Christmas from a place of less work than I'd have liked in the final months of the year. It's easy from that perspective to look at myself and feel I've failed, if I only reflect on that time, or how my bank account looks in these current moments, but I really need to leave placeholders to remind myself of how incredible a year it really has been.

It began with friends, and was a year that included working in gaming even more than ever, including shooting the NAMCO launch event for Tekken 6, documenting Vampire Survivors DLC release, singing and dancing at game launches such as Foamstars and DigVR, working with Konami multiple times across various AAAs, a book release including producing, filming and editing the entire podcast and all the social clips for it, working some of the biggest gaming events of the year (before they ultimately depart from London), travelling internationally to Paris and Hamburg to cover Linkin Park shows for them, working even more in the footballing sphere, building a strong partnership up with one of my favourite creators, Nance Baker, and going to rugby and football together, sitting in the Arsenal Boxes on several occasions, going to over fifty games, and strengthening some old friendships while making new ones too.

My time with my friends the RH Experience increased so much - they returned to more regular shows, that I filmed and photographed, but also there were engagement parties, I flew to France for a wedding, I got to join the adventures of new bands forming, and have so many good heart to heart honest sit down questions and answer sessions with some beautiful friends I've known over a decade, who have always been so supportive. Conor especially, it was an honour.

I got to spend more time with Paecha, Sophie, Lucia, Cassie and Lyssa, doing events in Manchester and Birmingham as well as London, built a greater trust within the communities I've joined, and been told by multiple people that I'm the best person they've met this year, the best thing to happen to them, and I don't take that lightly.

I got to see my favourite all time band reform, attend three shows (Hamburg, London, Paris), photograph two shows, film and photograph the album listening party, and most importantly reconnect with their fanbase who I was so close with in the early 2000s. It really felt like a healing and transformative year in so many ways, and I know I've forgotten more than I've remembered.

I went on a bunch of dates, which didn't lead to longtime romance but did lead to better friendships, I helped several people come to terms with their identity, sexuality and health, and most importantly I loved continuously, constantly. I poured a lot from my cup this year and the last months lack of work is not a reflection on me but a struggling industry on the whole.