Temet Nosce

If I end this, I will do it on my own terms, I won’t do it out of outside pressure,  I won’t end this as a boy.

Success in a field is often Logarithmic, meaning that with a decent amount of work you can be more successful than most people at a field, and to attain excellence is to have diminishing returns.  I think this is an okay feature of the universe, because it ensures that we can try things and become decent at them to know if we would enjoy them and it ensures that mostly only the most passionate people in a field stick with it to attain mastery. 

I find that I am much happier when I say that “For today I am not going to put pressure on myself that I must do the following or act in the following way, I will not shame myself.” All of this, including many of the last posts are driven by and enhanced by the idea of Memento Mori.

I don’t think I let myself have fun very often.  I mean, I want to and all. I kind of try to and sometimes it happens! But a lot of time I’m focusing on what I need to do, not just from day to day but big picture. I feel like I need to do something or I focus on things I have done wrong.  I feel as though I don’t deserve to have fun or that I need to be worried about XYZ...for some reason. Even though I know that worry does not accomplish anything.  I think I’ve tortured myself enough, more than anyone else ever could.  I’ve realized that you have to give yourself the gift of peace, of being able to be happy, that it is a choice.  This is an excerpt from Bronnie Ware’s regrets of the dying:  “...I wish that I had let myself be happier.This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness” To know this and do it are two very different things.  To love oneself is not something we can just force, but I think we all always do somewhere deep down, and it can be coaxed out, it can be focused on a little more.  I’m learning that despite action needing to be taken, despite things not being perfect, despite things being damned to fail, it doesn’t mean you can’t have fun with it. It’s just hard sometimes.  But we can have fun, life doesn’t have to be so serious all the time.  We must learn to forgive ourselves and see ourselves like Children again. Oh, and we should be concerned with how we treat people in our direct vicinity, but not how others view us from afar. 

Hiroshi Yoshimura - Four Post Cards

It’s as if I’m in a book and I’m a character, but I want to be so much more than just this character, to have this personality, this collection of likes and dislikes. I feel like a MULTITUDE of characters, I feel like the AUTHOR.  I feel trapped to play this part, when I want to play so many more, I want to be so many more things, but can I?

I think each day something should be done to shake it up! We have routines whether or not we intend on them.  Each day should be fully original, it’s own standalone episode in some respects.  If I record what I have done each day that is original, I feel less like I have wasted time. 

When looking back I often think, “What did it all mean?” I wonder if I will think that question when I am older and now right now will mean.  Our current perception and direction determines how we view the past, I could view this time as an important era of growth, I could see it as squandered opportunity, or I could see it as necessary.

It seems as if there’s a hidden system or a hidden path to follow, a way of life, a sort of balance where everything and everyone in my life is in it’s proper place and in a proper balance with each other. It’s as if there’s really only one path we are meant to follow. There are many potential directions that lie before us, but it’s as if only one makes sense. 

Even though everyone’s problems are real and we can’t really compare our problems to others, I think it’s important to remember how good our lives are sometimes. For example,I have many problems but really, I could be in such a worse situation. I could be hospitalized or destitute. I’m not. My situation is really not as bad as it seems. 

The real path to victory lies in never giving up.

however the spikes of this feeling are happening less often.

sense.

How to Find a Purpose and the Psychology of the Daemon