Things I Learned in College that I Didn’t Earn a Degree For (Alternative Title: Things It Took Me Too Long to Figure Out) 1. Get rid of anybody who makes you feel like you’re hard to love. Get rid of anyone who makes it seem like they’re doing you a favor by putting up with you. They’re not. Hang on instead to the people who love you even when it’s not easy. 2. Yes, you can wear leggings as pants. Yes, you can wear crop tops. Yes, you can wear tight skirts and dresses. Forget all the people who made you feel like you were too fat for those clothes. 3. It’s okay to want your mommy when you’re 22 and it’s three a.m. and you don’t feel like yourself. She’ll pick up the phone. 4. People love you. 5. You are capable of killing centipedes and spiders and of catching mice. The only thing that’s stopping you from being able to live alone are the pieces of clothing you own that you can’t get out of by yourself. 6. Popcorn is not a meal, stop trying to make it one. 7. When someone gives you a compliment, say thank you. Don’t deflect. They wouldn’t say such nice things if they weren’t genuine, because what’s in it for them? Nothing. 8. Life is not a fucking competition. If you ever feel yourself doing something because you know it’s going to tear someone else down, quit doing it. Support is rarer than it should be. 9. Let people like what they like and do what they do, as long as it’s not hurting anyone. Don’t like it? Cool. Now shut the fuck up because it’s not about you. 10. When it comes to new people, trust your instincts. They’re almost always correct. 11. Do yourself a favor and learn how you like to dress and do your makeup and hair. Do yourself up in whatever way feels best to you. It’s incredibly liberating to think you are beautiful. 12. Friends aren’t needlessly cruel. They won’t point out you’re not naturally skinny like the rest of your friends, or refuse to say anything nice about you, or imply that you’re stupid. Anyone who does do those things isn’t your friend and you should get rid of them. Immediately. 13. No one cares about your sex life (or impressive lack of), nor are they going to judge your worth by it. So stop using it as a measure of your self-worth. 14. Quit acting like you have forever. Your window of time to do anything gets shorter every day. Make friends with that person, say that thing, eat that slice of pie before somebody else does. 15. Unless you’re trying to win an argument, stop saying, “No, because…” You don’t have to justify not wanting to do something or feeling a certain way. “No” is an answer on its own. 16. So is “Yes.” But always follow through. 17. Be nice to people. Compliment a sweater or a scarf. Let the elderly on the train before you. Be nice to people because it feels good to not be an asshole, but also because every single one of us is going through something. Dealing with bullshit is a human experience, and sometimes all it takes is a small action to lighten someone’s burden or brighten someone’s world. 18. It’s okay to feel creeped out by weird dudes. You don’t have to feel guilty about it. It’s not your fault they stare or make lewd comments. All that matters is that you stay safe. 19. You can always count on your home team, no matter how far away from them you are. And as part of someone else’s home team, you always have to be prepared to go to bat for somebody else. 20. The people who are still in your life even though you thought you lost them for good at some point are there for a reason. Don’t try to figure out what the reason is. Just be grateful. 21. You are good at things. 22. You are good. 23. It’s okay to have little indulgences. Buy the new bra, drink the third beer, spend the whole day making cookies. You deserve a break. 24. There will always be opportunities. Whether or not it’s the one you’re looking for, you will never be devoid of opportunities.