The Worst Blog On The Internet

I’m listening

once i was babysitting my neighbor’s 6 year old and she asked me why i was so ugly and without thinking i said “i’m you from the future” and she cried for like 30 minutes

i can’t believe i leveled up enough to unlock cake pillow guy’s backstory

I can’t believe the “sweet dreams” joke didn’t occur to me

one crack cocaine

hello drug dealer yes i would like to purchase one crack cocaine please

debit or credit

I actually have a gift card

WTF Barbie you can’t use a cutting board for a bulletin board

BARBIE! you should know better than to leave a cheese grater on the edge of the fridge! someone could get hurt!

Um, okay, DOES NO ONE REALIZE THAT BARBIE is cleaning her kitchen floor with a garden hose? Get it together, Barbie.

OH MY GOD BARBIE! ARE YOU JUST GOING TO LEAVE THOSE DIRTY DISHES IN YOUR SINK? SERIOUSLY GET IT TOGETHER BARBIE!

CLOSE THE DAMN REFRIGERATOR! YOUR LETTING ALL THGE COLD OUT!

Barbie, seriously? The blender on top of the fridge? You could get hurt!!1

Guys for the love of god how can you not notice the freaking rat next to the fridge?! WTF Barbie? Clean your house more often, would ya?

Barbie, who the hell puts a calculator on their fridge. COME ON! GET WITH THE TIMES!

I love how everyone pretends not to notice the toaster next to the sink. BARBIE! YOU COULD GET ELECTROCUTED IF THAT FELL IN! GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER GURL!

theres a dead body

this post has haunted me for like 3 years. every time i start to think i imagined it, it shows up on my dash again and then immediately disappears into the ether for another 17 months

it doesn’t matter how slow you go so long as you don’t give up

ok someone please explain this to me 

Show us the birth certificate Donald

WHERE’S YOUR BIRTH CERTIFICATE DONALD

why did they make us stack cups in elementary school

I had completely forgotten about this but was it just my school that was off the fucking walls about it? They would show us videos in gym of professional cup stacking and yell ‘THIS COULD BE YOU.’ We spent every Tuesday in gym with those gotdamn cups and we all had, like, The Cup Stacking Catalogue. I made my parents buy me glow in the dark cups for my ninth birthday what are we as a society.

we had that too, like they were trying to convince some of us to get good enough to go to contests for it. and sell us cups. so many cups. cups to appease every type of child. not even cups you can drink from.

??im not american is this real or is this a convoluted shitpost??????

it’s definitely real

I’m american and I can’t tell if my inability to relate is due to regional or age differences bc what the fuck

I’ve never heard of this either….

this is a fucking cinematic masterpiece

ive reblogged this before but not with that last addition

Same here.  That’s impressive.