Be Yourself

This is not an intellectual statement eventually i realised. The space between 2 words makes the sentence meaningful. The gap between 2 breaths determines if we are living or dead.

This journey of mine started a decade ago - The quest to find herself. She had a vision of herself and belief that after practising various techniques of meditation on the mat there would be a halo around and life would be like a cake walk. Nah !!! it does not. This journey is journey for the brave heart only, there was infinite number of times she wanted to give up , infinite times she reacted exactly the same way as she had done in past. She felt hurt, frustrated even more, because she had expectations. Things did not go as per her plan in head. So she learned to Pause , reflect and move. She had a community who wholeheartedly supported her and she too was a support system for few.

Her teacher mentioned “ if you take care of this present moment that is enough. You are as good as your last conversation with any , including yourself. “

Every-time you meet someone in this life of hurriedness , look as if you are looking at for the first time full of curiosity and have a conversation or presence of yourself as if this is your last one .

There are research which was gathered after people have passed away and the last memories of the person was the immediate recall factor of many. The sum of every person’s account was his legacy one leaves behind.

She is here in this earth to unburden herself and that’s why she do not want to have any desire of leaving anything except the last interaction, which stays in the heart even of for a micro moment with any.

We all say so and so is toxic . We call someone a narcissist. We call certain cultures and relationships toxic too.

Do you know these people whom we call with some labels are just like you and me.

In your mind , I am not toxic , I cannot be a narcissist and I am a better human being.

Pause for a moment.

Remember world is mirroring you back what you were or you are. Unless you know ( it cannot be just theory or education internet knowledge, it is deeper) such things in the core you can never say for someone else.

Then you will say I was in one of those environments hence I am aware. Now hold on to that story too.

When you stand next to people who are smokers after few minutes even if you leave them do you know you carry that stink ( ask the people you meet, you may need to explain that you did not smoke you were next to them talking, chatting) . It goes away eventually if you stop going in such an association. Scientifically it is proven that passive smoking is equally dangerous. Which means that such a casual association makes a deeper impact beyond our own knowledge.

In this same way , all of us when we put ourselves in a pedestal of goodness and label situation and people as narcissist and toxic , know you are a carrier too. Good news , with mindfulness we clean ourselves from within and you will fantastically observe that that thought of labelling goes away too.

“Any moment that you’re really allowing everything to be as it is and your personal will is out of the picture, you’re happy.”

~ Adyashanti

This is the reason often great Master and teacher said - Happiness is Simple.

Then why finding it is a quest for many. Why do we drown ourselves in additives behaviour , dip into depression and flare up in madness ? Let’s look simply -

What we try to find was never lost , it was staring at you , while we were looking everywhere, exhausting ourselves and not taking a pause to rest on it. This looking outside is the conditioning that we have been wired. The belief that tomorrow will be better, the next day is brighter, the next job is more fulfilling, the next relationship is your soulmate, the next life is an enlightened one and the next never comes . Life after life we are circling in a spiral where the exit is dropping everything down , taking that leap of faith, sitting and witness.

When you look into a flower or tree or a rock how often we want to change it . We don’t look in Lily flowers and say If it looked like Rose it would have been better. When accept that Lily in totality. So acceptance is our true nature. We know this already, you have experienced it. One has to replicate it in all aspects of life. Ego will be our biggest detriment, you will keep yourself comparing with others and hold on to the cactus which is bleeding out.

Whenever I see which is not so good in any person and situation, I pray I am given the wisdom to know that it is within me. The person and Situation is God in clever disguise, appeared in my field to make me free from the judgement that I hold.

In that light of the wisdom, may I love the person and situation and bless them too.

This is my prayer.

While you may have read it and may have made an effort to read it , in the back of your mind you may think where is the space between two words. Such a beautiful sentence lost it charm due to lack of space. Or something similar in lines the mind would have wondered.

Exactly!!! Space brings the essence just like these words appear jumbled, and loses its senses.

Rumi said - The space between two words is where life breathes and love arises. Swami Vivekananda said - The pause in-between two Om chanting is the meditation not the whole process.

Our teacher says the hold between inhalation and exhalation is LIFE, the day the gap closes, we are dead.

Life has been designed with pauses. The rush for the Oasis makes it a jumbled one and in the end we die of regrets .

This life is to be loved and lived. Take that Pause, create that space for the life designed by God can show in your life.

We box life as right and wrong. Good and bad , beautiful and ugly, truth and lies, light and dark , happiness and sadness and the list is endless.

What happens when for everything we start labelling? This becomes our personality. Our inner rigidity does allow us to include opportunities in life. These opportunities are not restricted to our relationship, it extends to our every aspects including our ability to see the truth which is unseen and unknown.

Saints say become like water , soft is new strong. Water takes the shape of the vessel and fills the space and it does not judge where it is anyways. It knows that with persistence it has ability to even make a mark on a stone , with its fierceness it can uproot a civilisation, with it Grace it can bring prosperity to nations.

Life is between the compartment. Open your inner window let the light show you the path. It's little unknown is the beginning, yet it is the only way .

Have you ever wondered why is Shiva , Krishna all shown as dark , while the same society praises the light skin colour. If you are not able to see the contrast then what is the use of your birth in human life , of you play so small .

Rise above. See life beyond your body and mind , embrace the Divinity within.

You will soon be forgotten

In life we do everything ( literally) for acceptance, acknowledgement, praise , rarely what gives us joy.

We say Yes , when the heart is screaming a No.

What happens over a period of time let's explore.

We start operating from fear , we lose self confidence. We doubt our truth. What if this will impact *my image* . Image become more important than Character. Yes , we unknowingly start feeding our ego. Our image is our EGO. That is not what we are within. Alas , soon with so many masks that we keep putting on ourselves in the name of ' I need to look good , say good , appear good' we create extreme inner confusion and conflict.

This leads to body pain , dis-ease, anger issues, sadness, indifferent attitude ( this is the lowest form) , people pleaser and the list is long. With all this suffering, let's see is it worth it ?

Hard truth you shall die one day eventually.

Only for few days ( in case you are extremely lucky) close one will cry, soon you are just memories. The tears dry out. People will start forgetting. Within years if someone remembers you on your birthday or death anniversary that will be gala moment. Rest will forget. For all the people for whom you tried to build this image , will vanish.

None , absolutely none will remember you in less than a decade.

If you truly want to leave an imprint, then start with your character. Live a life which is designed for you. Show your raw side , show your fears , your anger , your ability to be resilient, learn the truth of life. Live for yourself and see God in everything.

You will still be not remembered , if someone do remember then it's God and it's messenger.

Is it true ?

Let's explore.

It was just the tone in which someone responded and we got upset. Then within our mind we stir - how could someone be like this , that , always such a tone of arrogance etc etc. Oh , we play multiple times and while that thing is over long ago, we keep that memory alive .

It takes up a huge space of our life . The ripple effect is immense. One can lose a relationship, cut all tie and create huge suffering.

That small thing is no more small.

Let's look into the other side of the spectrum. Knowing one loves flowers sending random flower vases as gifts , seeing your love for butterflies sending you pictures of butterflies that one saw. Knowing your love of particular song , whenever it is played sends you a forward saying thinking of you!!!

Small things right ?

Yet these don't take as much space as they should be!!!

This is the reason when some relationships dissolve we suffer. The guilt of not being able to express the love for the moments lost.

Small really takes a large space in life , however we need to choose which one to keep and which one to leave.

My direct experience

There comes a time when you have to let everything fall apart. No matter whatever you do or try or perceive, nothing works in your favour.

With great reluctance, you understand that one has to stop fighting for a life you've outgrown and trust that you will be okay, even if you can't see how right now. ( Nithya keeps saying, many masters said , yet it feels BS in many moments) .

For a while ( this appears longer than you have imagined) everything may feel messy and hard, and you may feel scared and lost.

Embrace the fear. Embrace the uncertainty. Embrace the loss. There is no option, it looks like a choice less universe. People term this as depression, enlightenment, awakening etc , to the person experiencing feel trash , feels dark , feels rejected, cloud of hopelessness fogs your brain. Yet there is a micro part within which whispers - keep faith, another step , another breath, another moment.

The dark tunnel of change leads to the light of possibility. Till one sees the possibility, just don't give up. Walk , crawl, lay down, limp - Just breathe. Every breath is proof of a force that is there . Multiple times it's okay to forget, just one moment recall and quench that drop.

This dark is light and the light is eternal!!!

FREEDOM

When I first read this a decade ago , my first thought was the dawn and the dusk period. The space between the rising and setting of light on all the planets. For me , this gap ( space) is SHIVA . The formless, agenda less, selfless, expectations less, direction less . There is nothingness and that itself is complete. Shakti arises from Shiva and creates the maya. The world of illusion, entanglement, attachment yet Shakti knows ( rather aware) that it will eventually merge to Shiva. Shiva waits for dawn and dusk for Shakti to merge to oneness and then stem away to manifest a form. This is continuous process, the gym of life form. I see everything falling apart, the Shakti within is surrendering to merge with Shiva !!!Nowhere to ho , nothing to hold on . Everything is just falling exactly the way it was meant to be. This life is meditation and technically you cannot not meditate, it is our default set up, just we are mostly unaware. Dreaming in an awaken state . .

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LADDER

S I L E N C E

It requires no translations. This is so neutral that it will be received exactly the way we are perceiving.

There are no others in Silence. One has to take full responsibility for the interpretation and argue with none except oneself.

So I choose Silence as my way of expression because said words were twisted and turned by many times in the past. Some questioned the tone, some doubted my intention, some interpreted it differently, some misunderstood, so did I too . The layers of experience made me initially bitter, yet that bitter medicine is the cure too.

I recoiled myself as every uttered words had a weight of expectations and language which demands translation . There are two level of Silence here, one which is physical and other the mental. Attaining the first requires practice and its not easy , human wants to say , wants to react and respond. During the first level , we become aware of the mental noise, it grows louder and louder. Meditation helps to become aware of it and gradually that chatter reduces it volume. Mental chatter is exhausting, it drains . That is not the strength here as per Tao , it is the next level that is the strength. This Silence on the other hand is light , weightless and unbiased. It is boundary free, colourless, tasteless, odourless, genderless and shapeless. It takes colour, shape, taste , fragrance and gender of the interpretation .

P R A Y E R S

We all pray , whichever faith one belongs to, we all pray. Even an atheist pray . Prayer is making an intention to Universe and expecting it to show up in life. In techno parlance, it is a short and series of coding written in the foundational script of the programming, thinking of a scenario and expecting if and when that scenario is activated this coding will take care of it . However in digital world we simulate these codes in a controlled environment ( UAT) with limited data sets etc, in LIVE scenario sometimes it does not work or work with less efficiency, which again triggers us to modify or incorporate another code to handle the situations.

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Why on earth I gave such big example of coding on the subject of prayer! Because prayers are nothing but works exactly as codes . We can keep writing multiple codes and release in our Universe. There is a catch - A prayer made for self , which is not beneficial for highest good for all connected is called Virus or malware. Pray for expansive possibilities and not limited, know that it is a tathastu instantaneously..

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My teacher said once in a retreat “ All our prayers are immediately and answered, these are hovering around your universe. Waiting for the faith runway to be ready for it to land”. So throughout the day make micro prayers, it does not need a mat, space, situations. It requires our moment of presence filled with gratitude and releasing the intention to the Universe. Somewhere someone’s faith runway is ready , this prayer makes the safe landing there immediately. .

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When we are in pain in time , it is painful “ . My friend, sakhi and another wise me born in other skin @poornalokiya said .

Pain has been explained from various facets by many . It is an illusion just like any other emotions, yet we discuss about this particular one the most. It is the most fertile ground for any evolution. Look into the history, all evolution happened during the highest pain. The birth of this planet ( may be Universe too ) , birth of any religion be it Christianity, Sikhism, Buddhism, Hinduism etc .

Someone in pain cannot explain the depth and the cry in words. It is the Silence and the Salt which explodes within, breaking every part within you . Yet , as another friend and sakhi Magdalena through her direct experience shared, look into the infinite resilience of human being, in the falling apart within the skin still hold every bit . It never gives up , it has that infinite faith that” it shall too pass” , leaving us stronger than we realised we are put together of all the pains we have experienced.

This pain , makes us human. This is indeed the most precious gift of divine. My teacher @nithyashanti once said- “ God is having experience through you “. In my highest deepest and darkest moments, this is offering to GOD, may this simulation be so potent that he feels quenched. For that I affirm, he will not have to simulate such pain in many beings in the years to come. Sukh Samriddhi in the Earth will live , that is the power of my experience. The chapter will be imprinted in the heart of GOD.

Enlightenment- This word is like a diamond for someone who starts the spiritual journey and becomes an object of desire. Almost like - “when I become enlightened, everything will get solved. I will have streaming exchange of information of the deepest truth and wisdom, people will start seeing me as a star , there would be calmness within me , manifestations of abundance is natural as breathing oxygen, walking on earth would be in slo-mo , music could be always heard in my head , breeze around feels like Air-con filtered temperature, your spoken words becomes quotes of inspiration and sleep would be like prince or princess on bed of roses …. phew !! technically an adult is having a cartoon network imagination in the head “.

I missed mentioning- An enlightenment person is a crowd puller and is extremely popular, the Hollywood personality of spiritual world.

Slap comes the reality after you search of this enlightenment torch for years , you wonder where is the switch, where is the power !! Why am I not becoming enlightened.

Someone recently told me that xyz does not look enlightened!! This became a curious point of understanding to me. I probed to understand what does according to him enlightened person looks like or feels like. An abridged version of my description mentioned above given . He mentioned- In presence of enlightened person you feel peace, full of love. The definition closest I could think was of a mother. In presence of mother( only when you are a child) you feel peaceful, full of love , cared and everything qualities that my adult head could imagine. For a child the mother has all informations too , she is not only enlightened she is my Universe.

As we grow up we start seeing faults in mother, father, family members and soon people around . Before we realise, we blend ourselves in the fragrance of society and blame the same surroundings.

We are all born enlightened. When we think of meeting an enlightened person, know that the part with you has recognised in the other. He is not enlightened because he has followers , you are enlightened because you recognise his light .

Now go back to what you were doing before you came to this post. You have nothing to achieve, just be . It’s enough.