the   other’s   mother   visiting   was   still   something   that   he   found   solace   in.   he   wouldn’t   have   to   leave   in   order   for   that   to   happen.   however,   he   felt   guilt   for   ruining   the   attitude   of   the   conversation   just   simply   by   being   a   bit   too   unaware   of   his   fate   for   the   moment.  

      his   eyes   lift   from   the   sheets   toward   the   other   again   when   he   felt   the   gentle   grip   on   his   hands.   haruka’s   features   show   confusion   as   he   glances   back   toward   the   other.   the   other’s   hopes   may   be   dashed   as   he   does   notice   the   slight   quiver   to   them,   however   he   says   not   a   word   and   simply   covers   them   with   his   free   one.  

      squeezes   to   provide   comfort   when   the   other   stresses   the   word.   the   way   the   other   says   it,   makes   him   want   to   believe   that   he   will   leave   one   day.   mouth   opens   to   dispute   the   fact.  

      you   don’t   understand.   he   wants   to   say.   i’ve   already   come   to   grips   with   it.   i’m   not   leaving,   this   place   is   my   tomb.   he   wants   to   convey.  

      doesn’t   want   to   bring   the   other’s   hopes up   to   so   cruely   tear   them   down   when   he   no   longer   holds   the   consciousness   to   face   the   consequences.  

      despite   that.   despite   trying   to   trample   the   slight   hope   that   he   had   building   in   his   chest   –   it   did   grow.   grow   warm   and   welcoming.   miracles   happened,   didn’t   they   ?   his   care   had   been   successful,   he   had   been   in   good   cheer.   perhaps…  

      tore,   he   glances   up   and   ignores   the   way   his   voice   breaks.   ❛   yeah   …   yeah,   i’d   like   that   a   lot.   ❜   eyebrows   furrow   as   he   feels   something   on   their   combined   hands,   and   glances   down.   a   droplet.   eyes   scan   upward.   was   there   a   leak   in   his   room   ?   that   wouldn’t   do.   it   was   only   until   they   continued   to   speckle   their   hands,   and   he   noted   the   way   his   collar   had   grown   wet   did   he   realize   he   had   been   crying.  

      how   long   had   tears   been   forming   ?   had   he   allowed   himself   to   cry   in   front   of   someone   ?   not   wanting   to   release   their   grip,   he   decides   to   rub   the   tears   away   with   his   sleeve.  

      ❛   haha   …   that’s   weird.   ❜

he screwed up, didn’t he? from the way haruka’s voice cracks, to the way his own hands shake, this is something that shintaro would classify as a screw up, but he really...god, he really wishes that haruka kokonose will one day find a way out of this clinical hell that he had ended up in. it wasn’t his fault for being here, not like shintaro and his broken bones that had landed him here for his own stay. 

the world doesn’t deserve haruka kokonose, that’s something shintaro can say with confidence. 

still, he only holds onto haruka’s hand tighter, gives it a squeeze of his own, meant to comfort as his own gaze drifts to the bed-sheets. unsure of what to do next, unsure of what to say, there’s a moment of silence before he does speak again.

it’s soft, only meant for the two of them and he lets go of haruka’s hand with one hand, to cup one of cheeks, brushing away tears with his thumb. 

 “i really want to be able to call you senpai, i really want to be able to see you everyday and get to spend time with my best friend, i want to be able to go to movies with you, i wanna be able to study with you. i just want you to be there.” he wants that constant with haruka, wants what they had during shintaro’s hospital stay to be a fixture outside of the hospital.

          ❛   super   mom,   huh   ?   ❜   a   smile   that   gently   spread   across   his   features.   haruka   himself   hadn’t   known   much   about   his   mom   from   what   his   foggy   memory   from   before   ten   would   tell   him.   despite   that,   he   would   still   be   excited   to   see   what   kind   of   woman   had   raised   shintaro.  

          ❛   really   ?   i’d   love   to   meet   her,   she’s   probably   a   fantastic   woman.   ❜   pleasant   laughter   mixed   with   a   gentle   tilt   of   the   head.   ❛   oh,   i   don’t   mind.   it’s   not   like   i   have   much   to   do,   so   company   is   always   appreciated.   the   more   the   merrier.   ❜  

          fingers   clap   and   then   spread   out   in   an   excited   way.   before   leaning   back   into   the   pillows.   gently   eating   the   fish   shaped   food.   at   the   mention   of   a   possible   bias,   he   would   shrug.  

          ❛   maybe,   maybe,   but   even   you   have   to   admit   that   you’re   smarter   than   you   give   yourself   credit   for.   ❜   a   glance   toward   the   other   when   he   get’s   quiet,   eyebrows   furrowing   slightly.   then   the   big   kicker.  

          the   question   completely   dampers   the   previous   sunshine   child.   eyes   darken   and   glance   toward   the   bedspread.  

          a   soft   laugh,   and   then   a   smile   is   returned   toward   the   other.   just   slightly   smaller   and   more   contained   then   previously   wore.   tired.   the   first   adjective   that   could   describe   it.   tired   of   being   contained   in   such   a   white   box   that   would   never   let   him   free   while   he   had   air   in   his   lungs.  

          ❛   i   wish   i   could   join   you   too.   i   want   to   go   to   school,   be   able   to   eat   lunch   with   you   –   study,   focus   and   worry   over   exams   …   ❜   a   blissful   sigh,   one   that   has   already   chalked   the   wish   up   to   only   a   dream   and   nothing   more.  

“she is.” 

his mother really is, though shintaro really doesn’t have much else to say about her. he and his mother were close, but there was no way to describe how kind she was without the bias of being her son being inherently obvious. still ,he goes rather quiet when he sees haruka’s eyes darken and his gaze shift off of shintaro. there’s a surge of guilt for a moment, the urge to say ‘forget it’ and try to regain that spark of sunshine that haruka had had in his eyes was there, but that wouldn’t be easy. 

his own gaze falls onto the tiled floor for a moment, struggling for words before he moves to take haruka’s hands within his own--a vulnerable gesture, one done without thinking. he just hopes he doesn’t notice how his hands shake.

          “ i bet your mom is great, hm ? i’d love to meet her one day. “ gentle words as he’s continued to quietly eat, leaning into the pillows just slightly. haruka would not deny if asked that he was so excited of shintaro’s return. it felt childish, a few weeks missing and he was already in doomsday territory – believing of a never return. childish, now that he thinks about it. 

          however, he had only one experience before – and she has yet to return or visit him. haruka tries to ignore the pang of worry there and be happy for her. possibly she was going to school again, worrying about entry exams and meeting new friends. 

          he’ll ignore the sketch of her burning through his sketchbook as shintaro lights up again and he’s redirected to the front. the other’s smile always felt like a rare treat to him, given how morbid and quiet he was before. 

          it quickly swept haruka’s mind of worry as he clapped his hands, excitement bubbling over. 

          “ i’m sure you will. just talking with you, i can tell your incredible smart. if they deny you, then they don’t know what they’re missing. “ cheeks puff up at even the simplest though that shintaro would not get into his chosen school. 

          “ and i’m sure you’ll do great there, and i’m sure you’ll have so many great experiences that you wont regret. “ another smile.

“She’s a real super mom.” That’s all Shintaro could really say about Chinami  Kisaragi; she was a super mom, there was no other way to describe her than that, as she had been the parental figure that Shintaro knew best.  It wasn’t his dad’s fault for that, of course, it wasn’t Momo’s fault either, but after years of his mother being a single mother? Shintaro couldn’t help but think she had done the best for her kids. 

“You could meet her. I mean, she’s been curious about the guy who convinced me to go back to school.” And had pestered him with questions about who he was, what he was like--It was only a bit embarrassing on how much his mother already liked Haruka for simply doing that, she would probably dote on him like he was her own child in truth.  

“She’s really busy though, but I could probably get her to come with me next time? If you’re up for more than one visitor.” Shintaro lets out a small chuckle at that, smile softening as he heard what Haruka said about him and School. There’s a small shake of his head,  “Well, I think you’re biased, Haruka, but thanks. I try.” Still, there’s something that bothers him, though Shintaro won’t voice it.

          the   game   was   discarded   for   the   company   of   a   friend.   haruka   would   very   much   prefer   that   over   fictional   ones   and   zeroes.   the   easy   smile   will   make   his   own   just   that   much   more   brighter   as   he   laughs.  

          “   yeah,   better   than   them   not   trying,   i   suppose   ?   “   he   doesn’t   like   to   speak   ill   of   those   that   care   for   him   …   however   he   did   miss   food   that   had   flavor.   with   each   food   that   shintaro   would   list,   his   eyes   would   lean   back   toward   the   bag.   it   would   be   rude   to   eat   in   front   of   the   other,   but   he   really   really   wanted   to   grab   a   bite   of   the   food.   deciding   that   they   had   grown   close   enough   to   forgive   a   little   mild   manners,   he   would move   to   reach   for   the   taiyaki,   as   it   seemed   the   easiest   to   eat   with   company.  

          a   small   bite,   and   his   eyes   practically   fire   up   with   joy   at   the   flavor,   he’ll   wait   for   the   thank   you’s   after   the   other   had   completed   talking   and   there   was   …   less   food   in   his   mouth   as   he   continued   with   vigor   at   the   taiyaki.  

          the   other’s   next   statement   would   blow   that   out   of   the   water   though   as   he   glances   with   wide   eyes   before   excitement   takes   over.   he   allows   a   second   to   swallow   the   food   already   in   his   mouth   before   he   begins   to   speak.  

          “   really   ?   i’m   sure   you’ll   do   great   with   how   smart   you   are   !   i’m   so   glad.   “   it   did   bring   happiness   to   him   knowing   that   the   other   was   making   an   effort   to   reach   out   to   others,   enjoy   the   semblance   of   school.  his   smile   slowly   becoming   much   softer.

          “   you’ll   have   to   tell   me   all   about   it,   i’m   sure   you’re   going   to   have   so   much   fun.   “   for   a   moment   he   forgot   about   his   own   ticking   clock,   excited   for   the  future   for   once   in   a   long   time.  

“Yeah, I know. Just, I guess I’m picky. Mom makes the best food at home.”  And with standards like that? Well, who could blame him? Shintaro had standards, that went away when it came to Junk Food, but everything else? He’d be picky. Shintaro would reach into the bag himself after a moment, grabbing at one of the cans of Cola he had stuffed in there and opening it. Listening to it fizzle for a moment, he’d be quick to take a long sip as he listened to Haruka speak. Honestly, Shintaro was surprised at how much he had missed this, had missed Haruka, but it shouldn’t have.

This boy in the hospital was the only person he could really count on as being his friend, one of the few people he didn’t know anything about Momo or her fame. It made friendship easy, not having to worry about whether someone was using him to get close to Momo.  Because as soon as he discovered that? Yeah, talk about ruining a friendship pretty quickly.

          loneliness   was   something   that   could   so   easily   sweep   over   you   within   these   walls.   watching   as   people   came   and   go,   visits   from   family   that   promised   to   bring   them   home   the   next   day.   it   twisted   his   chest   like   nothing   else.  

          his   father   never   visited.   perhaps   the   loss   of   his   mother   was   too   great,   and   he   chose   not   to   get   close   to   a   son   that   was   doomed.   sending   a   check   and   paying   all   the   medical   bills   easily   the   only   gift   he   could   offer.  

          still,   haruka   tried   to   make   the   best   of   it.   smile   at   those   he   saw   passing   in   the   hall,   light   conversation   with   the   nurses.   going   outside   more   …

          he   was   playing   a   handheld   game   when   the   other   entered.   he   had   not   been   given   another   roommate   yet,   so   he   was   free   to   play   with   the   volume   up.     a   few   crashes   and   cries   of   enemies   to   come   destroy   his   avatar.  

          a   few   taps   and   a   smile   lightens   up   his   face.   victory   over   a   battle   when   the   door   is   gently   knocked   upon.   eyebrows   furrow.   the   nurses   aren’t   do   for   another   few   hou   …   oh.  

          seeing   the   other   enter,   surprise   immediately   sparks   before   quickly   being   brushed   away   for   a   smile.   excitement.   shintaro   had   visited   him,   and   from   what   he   could   see   –   brought   food   with   him   as   well.  

          ❛   ah   !   thank   you,   you   didn’t   have   to,   you   know.   ❜   successfully   pausing   the   game,   he   adjusts   in   the   bed   to   look   at   the   other   fully.   ❛   the   nurses   try,   but   they   …   it   gets   old.   ❜   deciding   against   speaking   ill   of,   he   quickly   gestures   toward   a   seat.  

          ❛   cmon,   sit.   tell   me   how   you’ve   been   since   last   time   ?    ❜   takane   had   not   returned   when   she   had   been   released,   so   he   half   expected   shintaro   to   do   the   same.   no   one   wanted   to   continue   to   return   somewhere   you   had   been   trapped   forever.   he   was   pleasantly   surprised   when   he   was   proven   wrong.

There’s a small part of Shintaro that’s thankful for there not being another party in the room, it makes a little less awkward, not having to fumble through introductions to a third party that he wouldn’t have been interested in. 

It looked and had sounded like that he had caught Haruka in the middle of  playing the game that they had played together, merely a few weeks ago. Scratching the back of his head, the other’s smile is contagious, worry dissipating rather quickly due to Haruka’s warm words. 

A similar one blossoms on Shintaro’s own face, a rather easy smile. 

It’s been a while. 

He knows it.  He knows that he should had made time,  but time had gotten away from him way too easily. Still, even though, he keeps telling himself that Haruka will understand, there’s a feeling of tightness in his chest that he just can’t help but despise.

So he had brought a assortment of food with him that he knew Haruka liked.  Was it a bribe? Well, Shintaro would call it more so of an offering in truth. (It’s a bribe.) Knocking on their once-shared hospital room’s door,  Shintaro would carefully let himself in.

“Hey,” He swallows. “Brought you some food to get you some variety other than icky hospital food.”