Find A Nicer Way To Kill It

every time i try to check whats inside eggs stupid goop comes out

Everyone makes fun of the millennial overpriced burger restaurants but the worst part is that they got you hooked on some bullshit and promptly shut down because their polycule broke up or whatever. You’ll never get to eat the caramelized onion apple parmesan sex bomb burger again. And it was $23 and good.

talking to people you want to get to know as if they're already your friends is a terrible terrible piece of advice that people online love giving out. but i think what people are trying to say when they suggest this is that you should talk to people you want to get to know as if they're your peers. which is a subtle but important distinction. the former is extremely overfamiliar and often because of this ends up making you seem rude, but the latter is more about conducting your conversations with someone as if it is unremarkable and low stakes for the two of you to be speaking together. which is only* rude if the person you're talking to thinks they're above having normal conversations with randos, in which case, probably not worth your time to befriend anyway.

you solve the mystery of what to have for dinner one night and you think "hell yeah case closed forever" WRONG there is a dinner mystery the next night too

(Puffing out my chest) Yeah well i’ve been followed and eventually unfollowed by several popular niche bloggers i hold strange amounts of respect for so you’d better watch who you’re speaking to that way

the bus is never going to come because im a bad person

honestly "oracle that nobody believes" is such a solid trope. imagine trying to convince anybody in 2006 what the next two decades was gonna look like

Cassandra: I have seen the future and it is really, really stupid. They're hiding in the fucking horse.

i was laying yucky style and i look over to the other side of the couch to see minu doing the exact same and it made me laugh so hard