Meicean

is there no concept of PRIVACY??? I just want to be left alone. dude, everyone, JUST LEAVE ME ALONEEEEEEEE.

I'm currently processing all these emotions about the fucking lawyer of my boss and the whole contract shit regaridng my summer job and I am fucking ANGRY.

For context, we only have 2 types of contracts, and they're both subtypes of indefinite (long-term) contracts. So in one, you're working there permanently, and with the other, you get "interrupted" and can go to the unemployment office to get your unemployment benefit, and then whenever the business needs you they can resume your work again. The problem is that I don't want the former cause I ain't gonna be working there all year round, and the problem with the latter is that I can't ensure I'll be going back yet again next year to work with him. I ain't want no commitments, and I can't, cause genuinely, idk where I'll be or what I'll be doing. So, ofc his gestor is on his side, my boss is that guy's client. BUT BRO, COME ON. I just want to collect MY money, MY unemployment benefir which I have a right to. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF THAT DAMN SYSTEM, UGH Anyway, the guy kept saying I have to do this shitty process I went through last year for my boss to actually "fire" me. COME ON. Wdym it's sus that a boss hires and fires you? MOST BUSINESSES IN SPAIN DO THAT. WE ALL DO IT. IT'S SO OUR DAMN EMPLOYERS GET THEIR BENEFITS. You know the fuck what? If my boss calls me I'm gonna make sure he knows that's my fucking deal. You don't fire me by the end of the season, OR ensure me that I get the uneployment benefit even if just for a month? I AM NOT GOING BACK. Fuck that shit. Even if I have to do that shitty process again. Dude, this system is messed up. I can't believe it. Dude, most bosses hire and fire, what DELUSION are these people even on about? Jesus f'n christ. Anyway.

But beyond the idiosyncrasies of each particular love... I think I'll never have that sort of space, that sort of love, ever again. I think I was loved beyond the eyes of lust, beyond the exterior. As if the fundamental part of me that was loved, was the person I was. Where my reactions, whichever they were, were accepted and loved. Where my hopes and dreams were supported, and also became a dream for him in a way, because he also cared deeply for me. Beyond achievements, beyond knowing what I'll do and what I'll be, he knew where to love; he loved what was my essence at that age. The world he created, which, curiously enough, was also a world which existed because I created it with him. And that was the place I called home, and I ran to after class, and wanted to hide in after a long day out. I've never felt like I've had a home, where inconditional love existed; but he taught me, and showed me, and I felt it. In those nights where it felt like we were alone in the shared apartment, laying on the couch and playing play station after dinner, together. I felt I could be me to the last drop, and where I could cry at the beauty of the craft of human statue, or to some flowers, or just for the feeling of gratitude I felt for being able to feel all this.

Tell Iska I love them. She is an inspiration to me.

Tell Carmelo I want him to invest in himself and to travel, to explore, to make it big, but mostly, happy.

Tell Silvio I'm sorry, and that I truly love him. I only wish he knows that I wish to give him strength to overcome everything and everything.

Tell sorry to my mom because I couldn't be a better daughter, and to my grandparents because I couldn't be a better granddaughter. I just don't feel the same toward family, I've never felt heard. But I cherish them and understand all the efforts they put in into my rearing. I appreciate it, I understand.

I thank my closest friends, Priya, who I know I can tell anything to, and Andrea, for being a pure heart towards everyone. And Joel, for teaching me unconditional love. And Felipe, I wish I told you that I've been thinking "what if" almost since we got into contact. And Lore, although I can't spend too much time with you because I secretly feel overwhelmed, I think you deserve so much love and I hope you find peace.

And a special thanks to my internet friends. Thank you to studystream, thats kept me in company for some time. For meeting people like Dotrell, although I can feel you distancing yourself, and also Nathaniel, who seems like a nice guy but I keep thinking you find me annoying and perhaps avoid me. It's fine though.

There's a lot more I'd like to say but I might be running out if time.

Love,

Honestly, I don't send nudes for several reasons. Maybe something a bit spicy, but no.

Anyway. He's someone I find super cute but also super out of my league? So first off, what is he even doing talking to me? Makes it a super surreal situation, but honestly it's nice getting attention, and even more so from someone super attractive.

Then, the spicy pics/vids. Makes me wonder what the intentions are. Surely he gets so many girls, and I mean, good for you haha. But okay, if they really are just for me... Honestly, they're not a turn on for me because I just don't work that way. Still, it feels weird they're even being sent to me.

And then, the comment. He said I'm beautiful and attractive. I know it is most likely a line any horny guy says. But honestly I feel like such an ogre sometimes that that's a very nice compliment, I just feel sad and want to cry because I feel like I'm in this reality where Im just an ugly girl who never gets attention and when I do it's because guys see my vulnerability and try to take advantage and say anything, whereas I'd love to be in s reality where guys see me and find me super attractive and say these sort of things in honesty.