I’m Still Here

I did at least talk to my friends this time about it all. Normally like over the past year I’ve kept all that shit inside bc my friends in the past have been like if they hear one negative thing a man does will be like “DUMP HIM!” And they didn’t leave any room for nuance or that like people who love and care for you are still capable of hurting you but it’s how we move forward ya know and being able to talk about it did make me feel less bad. I’m going to try and talk to him about it, mostly the checking girls out thing. Like it get it she was beautiful or whatever but like why are we doing that in the middle of a fucking discussion?? Like you can’t control yourself for two seconds? And if the roles were reversed and I had checked out some guy or if I guy was checking me out!! I’d not hear the end of it bc of his insecurities. I’ve just been feeling more and more suffocated by it and like I can’t do anything right even though he’ll say it himself all I do is gas him up, worship the ground he fucking walks on, would literally do anything he asked of me, but like he still gets mad if certain dudes fucking chat bubbles on Instagram are too high up on my recently sent thing MEANWHILE he follows full time OF creators/strippers bc thwy arw “just friends!” Anyway I feel insane all the fucking time