like, from reanimator

im completely addicted to Open Link in New Tab

if Open Link in New Tab is wrong then baby i dont want to be right

Hey guys you should totally get into this thing i like. Yeah it's mid at best. It also aged poorly. You'll get nothing out of it at all. You'll like the idea of it more than the actual thing. But at least only takes half your natural lifespan to finish it

they wouldn't have censored us like this on the jeremy renner app

puppy cut flan 🍮🔪

incredible puppy cut the flan technique

badass flan slice performed by small type dogy

your mutual who's obsessed with some fucking guy reblogged your post: #im getting real some fucking guy vibes from this

just found out my husband took a class online and paid 30 american dollars to become a registered and ordained minister of Gnome Church so he can perform marriages, funerals, and other religious services for friends and family. they sent him a gnome hat in the mail and i am a little mad that i didn't think to do it first myself because that's funny as hell. if either of his siblings get married to someone in the future they are going to have to allow him to officiate because he is now actively looking for people who want a Gnome Priest

Fired from the Walmart for having a “usurper’s disposition”

it would suck being a new immortal. like it’d be 2109 and people would go, “what was it like seeing ancient civilizations rise and fall like that? seeing the pyramids being built? watching the expansion and growth of the new world?” and i’d just be like, “no…no i was born in 1991. so like, wow i’m gonna see some cool stuff, but, i mean i’m not that much older than just a really, really old person, you know? phones were big back then. so big. but only for like ten years, then they got like, as good as they are now. uh. rhinos existed. don’t think i ever saw one in person. cool, good talk.”

even worse, imagine being an immortal who keeps missing stuff. “What was it like seeing the pyramids being built?” “Fuck if I know, I was in Madagascar.” “Oh, okay. Well, how was the Renaissance?” “I fell down a hole in Scotland and people thought I was an enchanted well for four hundred years, it was over by the time I convinced someone to get me out.”

It’s been a decade since we left that comment and you have the best reply anyone’s left to it.

my devoted but dangerously unstable knight will be hearing about this

currently cackling & wheezing after imagining a video game titled Penn & Teller’s Shithead Basketball

Nobody really knows what makes a person go to bed