The Meet Cute Project

1: I'm a private detective hired to follow you, but you're endearingly boring and mostly I just like watching you and oops, I sort of find you adorable.

2: You've been sketching me for half an hour now, and just shuffled up to hand me the finished product and it's TERRIBLE but you just wanted an excuse to talk to me.

3: You've been typing furiously on your laptop in the library, and have just gone to get a book, so I had a quick look and you're writing hardcore gay porn and it's GOOD.

4: I'm at an art exhibit and I just badmouthed the art, because I don't get it, okay? And it turns out you're the artist. I'm so sorry, maybe I could get you coffee and you could explain what it was supposed to be?

5: Sorry, this is really weird, but I noticed we have the exact same fandom tattoo, can we just geek out for a moment?

6: You keep buying video tapes from the charity shop I work at. Why do you keep doing that? We sell DVDs. There is a betting pool open on what kind of weirdo you are. I am vaguely concerned. I need answers.

7: We're the only two people who turned up to an underground gig and it should be awkward, but the band is amazing and you asked me to dance and hey, there's nobody watching but us.

8: I accidentally 'liked' one of your photos on Facebook because it came up under my tagged friend's name. I'm not a creeper, though I have just spent the last ten minutes trawling through your albums.

9: You live in the apartment next to me. We're not supposed to have pets, but I KNOW you have a cat. I'll make you a deal, I won't tell, if you let me pet it.

10: I'm sure I've seen you somewhere before, god, this is really going to bug me, no, don't go anywhere, I'll get this, oh damn, do we have mutual friends? OH SHIT YOU'RE ON [insert porn site here].

11: You're my favourite fanartist and you did fanart of my fic. So I wrote you a fic in return and now you've done fanart for that. You like all my selfies and comment on all my text posts and I do the same to you, and erm, you just posted that you're going to be in my city? Maybe we could meet up?

12: I was walking home after a late shift at work and caught you graffiting a wall. You were going to run away but I stopped you because I want to see the finished piece, and now you're sort of teaching me as you paint and it's awesome?

12.5: Okay, we totally got arrested for the graffiti but we're sharing a cell and you have paint smeared across your cheek and you look adorable and neither of our friends answered our phone calls to bail us out so it looks like we're here 'til morning.

13: I punched you because I thought you were insulting my friend, but it turns out you know each other and it was an inside joke and I'm so sorry, let me drive you to the hospital?

14: I don't have my hearing aids in, you don't know sign language, and we're stuck in an elevator. Your miming is very funny and adorable though.

@pureaudiodawesomeness submitted:

I picked up what I thought was a stray on the side of the road last night and it turns out he’s a werewolf.  “Um.  Can I offer you some pancakes?”

He looked up at me like I was the one who had just changed species in front of someone’s eyes.

“I think I’ll just settle for a pair of pants or something, thank you.”

He somehow reminded me of Inuyasha, but I had enough sense not to tell him that. I also had enough sense to mentally kick myself for comparing a guy in literally just an oversized jersey who I had thought was a stray dog whose previous owner happened to be a fan of the Aggies to a half dog demon in an anime I hardly remembered anymore.

“I… actually don’t think I own any pants, sorry. Or at least, none that are baggy enough to fit you.”

“Great.”, he mumbled as I busied myself with the flour.

“I do, however, own plenty of pancake fixings and would be perfectly fine getting you some. You sure you don’t want pancakes?”

He looked up at me and raised his eyebrow.

“What kind?”

“What kind do you want?”

He didn’t spend two seconds contemplating his reply, “All of them.”

“Huh?”

“Uh, sorry. I- um…”

He trailed off, letting his gaze fall to the ground and drag across the the divide between the hardwood floor of the living room and the peeling linoleum of the kitchen.

“Well, if we’re going to have them ready before lunch, you’re going to have to help.”

He looked up with what I genuinely swear were the most adorable puppy dog eyes I have seen in ever.

“You mean… you’ll really make them?”

“No, we’ll make them.”

“… I’m gonna ruin them.”

“Oh, come on, don’t be so negative.”

“But-”

“No buts! If we really are going to exhaust all pancake possibilities, I’m going to need some help. Get down the rest of the mixing bowls and all of the measuring spoons and cups in that drawer, then grab all the recipe books and man the computer.”

He stared at me for a few seconds, so I felt the need to remind him time was ticking.

“Now, boy!”

His face turned red and he rushed over to the cabinet. I was glad the jersey he was wearing was at least ten sizes too big, or else I’d feel uncomfortable standing next to him. He handed me all the things I needed inhumanly quick. Which… made perfect sense, actually.

“What now?”, he was sitting on the couch cross legged with my laptop. His shaggy hair draped over his still-pinkish face and he couldn’t seem to look me in the eye.

“Look up pancake recipes. I don’t mean just regular pancakes, I have that memorized, I mean insane recipes that look like they might not even be possible to make.”

“What if you don’t-”

“I have every ingredient known to man somewhere in this house.”

“What about werewolves?”

“Very funny. Now look up the recipes.”

He nodded and started tapping away at the keys while I began combining the ingredients.

“Okay,” he said, “so far we have strawberry, banana, I’m assuming blueberry and chocolate chip are somewhere in those cookbooks, and bacon pancakes.”

“You just couldn’t help yourself.”, I smirked.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”, he jumped. I didn’t mean to hurt his feelings. I had expected him to go along with it.

“Oh, nothing.”

“No, really, what is it?”

I swear, if dogs with separation anxiety could talk, this is what they would sound like.

“Please?”, he begged. Seriously, how did he ever hide the fact that he was a werewolf from anyone? But my inner commentary was cut short by the heartbreaking look on his face.

“I mean… it’s sorta because… you’re a werewolf. Get it? Bacon pancakes, dogs, were-”

“I’m not a dog.”, he said flatly. He stared at me intensely with eyes that were the most terrifying thing I had ever seen in my life. Like… well, like a wolf. A really, really pissed off wolf.

“R- right. Sorry. I just thought it would be funny. Besides, you didn’t seem to have a problem with it before.”

“I was a wolf then. I can’t even re-”

“No, I meant a few minutes ago, when I told you to get the baking supplies.”

His face suddenly flushed again.

“Th- that was… okay, so maybe I like being treated like a dog sometimes. But there’s a difference between treated like a dog and mistaken for one. That’s all.”

“Oh, right. Sorry Aggie.”

“What now?”, he quirked his head to the side like a dog learning a new trick. Seriously, when this guy wasn’t bone chillingly terrifying, he was the most adorable thing ever!

“Oh, when I thought… um… when I picked you up, I saw your jersey and started referring to you as Aggie. What’s your… actual… name?”

I felt really stupid for not asking sooner. It seemed like basic logic to know the name of the werewolf you were harboring.

“I don’t have one.”

I paused.

“Huh?”

“I’ve lived alone for as long as I can remember. I quite literally own only the clothes on my back.”

I stared at him in disbelief.

“How… how did you live?”

“I managed.”

“Where’d you find the jersey?”

“I was about one hundred and… two, three, 144 moons old. People use years, though, don’t they?”

“… Yes, you were about twelve. You seriously went around without clothes until you were twelve?”

“It’s not like I ever talked to anyone, and the only reason I took that long was I started feeling… weird without something to cover me up.”

“Probably puberty.”

“What?”

“It’s… it’s a change all humans go through to… mature. Yeah, let’s go with that.”

“Has it happened to you yet?”

“Of course! How else would I have these!”, I gestured to my chest and immediately regretted the decision. His expression didn’t change, though. In fact, he actually looked down his jersey and looked back at me with a completely bewildered look on his face.

“Is this a werewolf thing?”

“What?”

“Well, your chest is bigger than mine, so is it just a werewolf thing for mine to be smaller?”

I stood there silently for a second before I started snickering, which turned into a giggle attack, and pretty soon I could hardly breathe. As I was gasping for breath to supply my guffaws with more oxygen, I heard a loud howling sort of sound. I choked back my next few tremors of laughter to look over at… well I guess Aggie was his name now. He wasn’t laughing, I didn’t think, not exactly. He was quite literally howling. Like a wolf.

When he noticed I had stopped, he cut himself short and looked over at me. A blush was creeping across his cheeks and I for once didn’t have a lupine-related simile. His face looked like a deer in the headlights. He quickly darted his hazel eyes away. I hadn’t noticed that before.

“S- sorry. I just- this probably shatters my whole thing about not being a dog, doesn’t it?”

I smiled at him. And walked over. I remembered when he was a wolf he’d liked being scratched behind the ears, so I reached around his head and-

“I- I told you I’m… not a… dog… mm, a little to the left.”

The simple look of euphoria on his face was so… so… suddenly my lips were on his and I can’t really remember exactly what my hands were doing, but he shoved me off a few seconds later. The look in his eyes wasn’t just pissed this time, it was outright vicious.

“WHAT DID YOU JUST DO?!!?”

“I- I… sorry I just…”

“JUST NOTHING, I’M BEING SERIOUS! WHAT ON EARTH DID YOU DO?!! I-”, the fire in his eyes died down a bit. Just a bit. “I’ve never felt that way before… I- don’t know if I like it.”

“Well… I did.”

“… You did?”

“Yeah…”

He stared off into space for a few seconds before saying,

“Maybe we should try again. So that I have a fair warning and am not in a vulnerable position with you basically taking advantage of the fact that I’m…”

“Sorry. Really, I’m sorry, I just-”

He kissed me again before I could finish my sentence. I’m not exactly sure how long our makeout session was, but by the end of it we were on the floor and didn’t resemble anything respectable. We stared at each-other for a few seconds before Aggie said,

“We should probably get started on those pancakes.”

He made sure his jersey wasn’t too high on his hip and sat up. He amazed and fascinated me more and more each second. I reached back behind his head and brushed my fingers across where I had been scratching. He blushed, but didn’t move my hand.

“Maybe we can just stay here for a while.”, I suggested. He looked at me with those same big puppy eyes.

“But you promised.”

I smirked, “Yeah, you’re right. Alright, c’mon Aggie, we can make the bacon pancakes first.”

I picked up what I thought was a stray on the side of the road last night and it turns out you’re a werewolf.  Um.  Can I offer you some pancakes?

Hi there I know I don’t know you but I live downstairs and I can hear you through the ceiling every time you play with your dog and his squeaky toy.  And frankly, it sounds AMAZING.  Can I come in?

I work at the butcher shop and we’ve never spoken but I recognize you from when you come in to buy fresh meat every month.  I don’t mind keeping the store open a little past closing since you’re running late and seem kind of desperate.  This may be weird to mention, but did you know your teeth are getting sharper while we talk?

I know the sign says no shoes no shirt no service but I just had the WEIRDEST night and your shop is the only building with lights on this early and I’m really, really hoping you have some spare clothes behind the counter.  Help?

My dog goes nuts every time she sees you and this time she got off the leash and tore after you, except now you’re both barking at each other and I’m not sure what to do.

You look REALLY familiar and I think it might be because of the feral dog I’ve been feeding a couple nights a month and oh shoot you caught me staring and you’re coming this way.

I’m really, really sorry I accidentally bit you during that kissing game at the party last night, ESPECIALLY BECAUSE I THINK YOU’RE REALLY CUTE.  But, uh. I have some stuff I should tell you?

I’m a wildlife biologist and I got called out to do radio tagging and release because a coyote trapper accidentally caught a wolf except I am PRETTY SURE you are not a wolf.

Sorry I treed your cat; it was kind of an uncontrollable impulse.  I’m pretty strong and good at jumping, though.  Hold my bag while I go get her down.

axcrazy submitted:

I hope you don’t mind if I add more to the pile.

Werewolves: We accidentally stashed our clothes in the same hiding spot and I somehow didn’t notice that I was wearing the wrong ones until I got home. Next day, I went back to the spot to return them and you were there doing the same.

Merperson: I really like funnel cake and I notice that the only thing you caught this past week was a cold. Maybe we can make a deal.

Zombie: Honestly your car didn’t hit me that hard, but I’d appreciate it if you lend me a hand, or a leg. Ha ha. Please don’t freak out. 

Cyclops: The movie I really wanted to see was sold out except for the 3D showings at the same time. You gave me your ticket, even though you hate 3D movies too.

hello, new followers-- i’m very happy you’re here, but where did you all come from?

personally, I think you’d just need a combination of character/narrative attitude, word choice, plus a bit of (morbid) humor to bring the reader in on the joke.

for blood descriptors change to positive to neutral words: candy words, make-up, food, jewels, paint?

axcrazy submitted:

You inadvertently saved me from getting chomped by a zombie, which I appreciate, but could you please check to see if I’m actually dead first before looting my body?

Um, that hole you’re putting those bodies in? I dug it for later. Normally I’d tell you to dig your own, but I’m just really impressed with how neatly you’re stacking them all together.

Wait, you’re haunting the family that just moved in? But I’m haunting the house! Although, it is nice having someone to plan more elaborate scares with.

Hey, you’re that cryptid everyone’s been talking about! Sorry, it seems like you’ve wandered a little far. Do you mind sticking around a bit? It gets pretty lonely in this well.

Sure! let me poke around and brainstorm.  Also, anyone wants to pop something in the ask/submit box that would be lovely.

Are you thinking horror-setting romance (i.e. ADORABLE ZOMBIES)