Meeka

Doomed siblings, I fear.

Doomed siblings, I fear.

as far as he's concerned, blue kingdom randomly and arbitrarily decided he needed to die, and the only reason he didn't is nom; he didnt do anything to provoke it the first time, so how can he keep it from happening again, except by keeping nom close? no matter how many times katie tells him to stop putting noms feelings over his own, she won't get through to him, bc she doesn't realize that in 4c's mind, his physical safety is dependent on noms feelings.

and the interplay of not wanting to confess to him for nom's sake - im scared that he'll hurt himself - and not wanting to confess for his own sake - what happens if nom doesnt want to protect me anymore? - is SO TASTY. i dont want to lose him is double-edged, fear for his friend and fear for his life. and his little comment about trying so hard to "keep nom stable" is crazy. no wonder hes spiraling to the point of building an enormous network of escape tunnels. he thinks his life hinges on the good will and affections of the most unstable self-destructive motherfucker in bannerfall. nom holds an immense amount of power over him without even realizing it - of course 4c is afraid to tell him and endanger their relationship more. because hes not even wrong that nom will take it really badly! and the longer he goes without telling him the worse it gets!

and under it all they still love each so much. even the way 4c frames nom's view of his "betrayal" - he's not losing me, but if he thinks he is - emphasizes how much the root of the problem is how much they love and rely on each other, and the fear both of them have of losing that relationship is whats threatening it in the first place.