my god i'm so lonely

kaeli.  24.    she  /  they.  this  is  a  multi-muse  blog  with  various  characters  from  a  multitude  of  fandoms.  including  bridgerton,  the  haunting  of  hillhouse,  harry  potter,  and  many  more.    this  is  a  selective,  private,  and  mutually  exclusive.  this  blog  relies  heavily  on  the  queue  system.  primarily  iconless.  

dox  :     google doc   given  the  number  of  muses  on  this  document,  not  all  of  them  have  bio  pages.  feel  free  to  reach  out  to  me  if  you  have  any  questions  !  

interaction  :  the  best  way  to  interact  with  me  is  to  send    memes.   or  rather  than  throwing  out  starters  into  the  void  i  would  far  prefer  to  do  some  plotting  through  ims  or  discord  (  available  on  request  ).  

support  my  brand  :  and  my  latest  promo  is  here. i can  also  be  found  at  @cindybermcn and @wrackspurtes

vanya isn’t the biggest fan of body modifications , but she did want to have a few exciting stories to tell . she for the first one ( on the left ) on her left arm , above the elbow . her roommates in college thought that they should all get something that symbolized who they were right now . vanya felt voiceless , like something that was intaking so many things but not being heard .

the second one ( on the right ) vanya got on her twenty-sixth birthday . there’s nothing notable about that age and she thought she ought to do something to make it meaningful . she got the tiny window with the sun on the back of her right arm . she thought that it was a good reminder of the space she had carved out for herself . her apartment where she truly felt like there wasn’t as much of a shadow she could feel all the time from her siblings .

like the whole book , and movie to some point , is spent talking about how big and bad dally is when he’s just lonely . he’s trying so hard to love something , or someone and the world just won’t let him have a damn thing . and he’s so used to people hating him for a ) his economic status . which he can’t change  or b ) his attitude which is mostly a coping mechanism , that hardly anyone can get close enough to see through the facade he puts on . like he’s a seventeen year old boy who comes from an abusive household , who no one seems to want , to the point where he doesn’t even want to be by himself . and he’s probably so angry about the hand he’s been dealt that his solution is to fight the world . whether that’s with his fists or his words .  so no , dally is not scary , he’s not even mean really . he’s just guarded , and very sad .

the first person who truly held her interest was leonard. she truly felt like she had something special with him. in retrospect it was the attention he gave her, the belief he had in her to do something great. vanya had never had that before. not from a parent, or a sibling, even a friend. the world when she was around him felt like more alive somehow, but that was due to the reemergence of her powers. as the escalated events of season one came to a head this particular issue fell to the wayside.

“well — it’s a good place to live. i liked it when i used to live here.” perhaps it wasn’t a good idea to LINGER around any longer now that her old apartment was no longer vacant. she didn’t want to give the poor girl a scare popping in without any notice. or she could just remain unseen, but she’d feel bad about doing that. “give it some time, maybe it’ll start to FEEL LIKE HOME in no time. are you planning to live by yourself? or do you have a roommate coming too?”

She had already known how ridiculous it all looked, her entire evening feeling more and more like an embarrassment than ever. With every moment, she had given it her all to only have her brother throw it all away and tie her to someone who was unreasonably awful. It had been enough for her to throw a swift slap when he had made a less than appealing comment, pushing Daphne from the crowd into the garden for some air. “Then perhaps you should leave. Or there is more than enough garden for the two of us-” her head shook, holding her hand in the palm of the other. “Don’t worry, I’ve written quite the STORY on my own tonight. You would be nothing other than a footnote on the thesis of just how impossibly awful Daphne Bridgerton TRULY is on tomorrow’s gossip column.”

𝚊𝚗𝚐𝚎𝚛,   jaw  clenching.  hands  balling  into  fists.   teeth  grinding.  yelling.  going  nonverbal.   stuttering  speech.   rushed  speech.    slow,  concise  speech.  rambling.  quiet.   arms  crossing.   shaking  head.   tearing  up.    animated.   expressionless.  projects.  internalizes.   vents.   withdraws.   passive  aggressive.  direct. physical  outbursts.   verbal  outbursts.

𝚓𝚘𝚢,   easy  smiles.  fighting  back  grins.  suppressed  laughter. loud  laughter. giggles. chuckling. smirks.  whole  body  laughs.  covers  mouth  when  laughing / giggling.  throws  head  back  when  laughing.   slaps  leg.   touches  people  around  them  when  laughing. looks  down  when  laughing. looks  for  eye  contact  when  laughing. sparkling  eyes.   bubbly  happiness.   quiet,  subtle  happiness.   obnoxious  happiness.   wants  to  spread  joy.   quietly  savors  joy.  

𝚜𝚊𝚍𝚗𝚎𝚜𝚜,   crying.   bottling  it  up.   seeks  distractions.  wallows.   meditates  and  processes.  avoidance.   seeks  out  comfort.   withdraws. talks  it  out.   internalizes  it.   sad  smiles. depression  naps. uses  alcohol.    uses  drugs. seeks  out  sources  of  joy.    fidgets  with  sentimental  item.   sits  in  silence.   broods.  gets  moody.  wants  someone  to  share  the  misery.  tries  to  hide  negative  emotions.  nurtures  others  to  make  themselves  feel  better.

𝚎𝚖𝚋𝚊𝚛𝚛𝚊𝚜𝚜𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝/𝚜𝚑𝚊𝚖𝚎,   blushing.  looking  away. rubbing  at  back  of  head.  covering  face. laughing  nervously. laughs  it  off. overthinks.   lets  it  go. self - depreciating humor.  deflects. gets  irritated.   smiles.   withdraws.   crossing  arms  over  stomach.   crossing  arms  over  chest.   hands  in  pockets.  shoulders  sinking.   shrugs.  falling  into  silence  until  comfortable  again.   talking  a  lot  to  compensate.

𝚐𝚞𝚒𝚕𝚝,   avoiding  eye  contact.  shoulders  sinking  low.  head  hanging  down.  crying.  chest  aches.   lashes  out.   internalizes.  apologizes.  deflects.  communicates. withdraws.    grand  gestures  for  forgiveness.   accepts  fault  easily.   punishes  themselves.   martyrdom.   victim  complex   over - active  guilt  complex.   healthy  conscience.  internalizes  even  after  forgiveness. seeking  redemption.   moves  on  easily. denial.lack  of  guilt / conscience. sorry  they  got  caught  more  than  caused  harm. can’t  handle  knowing  they  hurt  others.

𝚏𝚎𝚊𝚛/𝚊𝚗𝚡𝚒𝚎𝚝𝚢,    trembling.  crying.   uses  sarcasm / sass  to  cope.    rambles.  goes  silent. gets  angry.  fidgeting. clenching  jaw. picking  at  nails.  chewing  at  lip.   pulling  at  clothes.    adjusting  jewelry / clothing. swallowing  thickly. eyes  widening.   over - reacts.  under - reacts.    calm.  logical.   panic.  irrational.    overthinks.    carefully  analyzes. talks  to  themselves.  breathing  exercises.  fight.  flight.   withdraws.   fawns.

tagged by: @taerots​