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@meanieinspace
How your mail finds me (contemplating the wonders of the natural world and the constitution of the hearts of men).

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又西三百五十里,曰玉山,是西王母所居也。西王母其狀如人,豹尾虎齒而善嘯,蓬髮戴勝,是司天之厲及五殘。有獸焉,其狀如犬而豹文,其角如牛,其名曰狡,其音如吠犬,見則其國大穰。有鳥焉,其狀如翟而赤,名曰胜遇,是食魚,其音如錄,見則其國大水。
-- Description of the Queen Mother of the West in the 山海經 Classic of Mountains and Seas
On the left is the red pheasant called 胜遇 and I'm wondering if the dog with a leopard pattern and horns called 狡 mentioned in the text is supposed to be the nine tailed fox, wikipedia claims the 山海經 says the Queen Mother has a nine tailed fox but here it just says it looks like a 犬 (with a leopard pattern etc etc) which is the old word for dog...
Like idk at some point it doesn't matter how right you are abt the intra community transmisogyny the fifty thousandth breathlessly morally outraged reblog abt how these theyfabs heads will explode if they see a real transsexual woman is a really fucking pathetic self righteous moral outrage that serves nothing.
All these 'transsexual' women on twitter do is look for theyfabs to get mad at (who are ofc super transmisogynistic, its true) and then condescend to random ppl abt how they own transfemininininity bc they're 'transsexuals' and like all of them are or used to be on diy, as if diy wasn't the thing you do bc you didn't make the cut to be a true transsexual. Completely nonsense worldview constructed exclusively to like indignantly scream at people.
lots of trans women who post abt how much they love their cocks calling themselves transsexual like idk press x to doubt it's like everything gets hollowed out like transmed is now used for a person who does any kind of medical transition related thing and transsexual is consequently now like whatever and when someone says that you're male socialized you have to say no sex is real but changable and i changed it by doing diy hrt like idk maybe its true maybe none of us deserve rights bc clearly nobody is able to conceive of a larger world we have to rehash the same shit but with less and less nuance every other year until the heat death of the universe
i started using twitter again bc i found ppl postijg abt anciejt china and my kind of stuff but twitter insists upon showing me violent transmisogyny and the opinions of trans people and it's not been good for me. very bad actually. but where else am i gonna see jokes abt the zhou

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lots of trans women who post abt how much they love their cocks calling themselves transsexual like idk press x to doubt it's like everything gets hollowed out like transmed is now used for a person who does any kind of medical transition related thing and transsexual is consequently now like whatever and when someone says that you're male socialized you have to say no sex is real but changable and i changed it by doing diy hrt like idk maybe its true maybe none of us deserve rights bc clearly nobody is able to conceive of a larger world we have to rehash the same shit but with less and less nuance every other year until the heat death of the universe
Backrooms? What about the Front Spaces?
i love my modernism pilled girlfriend #mymodernistgirlfriend
Are we cooked? Is it important to make fun of nazis? Does the belief system you're holding onto grant you coherent absolution for every aspect of your existence?
Like sure, in a general sense it's true that nobody respects trans women or treats us like people, but trans women also don't respect themselves and each other, especially online and it's so fucking annoying and miserable. Nobody needs to know how much you hate trans girls that transition young. Nobody needs to know that you think being a trans woman means going from ugly loser to hot girl, like are you a fucking high schooler? Is the cultural imperialism really only here to convince erveryone that life is an eternal american highschool?
Like idk there is something extremely vile going on in how people form their identites online. Like I'm not saying that people should stop calling out transmisogyny, obviously, but the standard discourse around transmisogyny is motivated by winning arguments with people that are fundamentally hostile, which is a problem, because you can't win arguments with people that don't show any goodwill, everyone is just going to walk away acting like they won the argument. So you end up with people preaching to the choir through regular engagement with super hostile people and then building their identity around the rhetoric that makes them feel successful in these fights, which is completely arbitrary and usually amounts to being a little mean, never giving ground and performing a vulnerability that while based in actual vulnerability only serves to put others down. And idk maybe that's not the reason why like every other trans woman on twitter or tumblr thinks it's appropriate to say all this shit about other trans women and publicly talk about how trans women are stinky losers or looksmaxxers or inherently miserable (and if they aren't we get all bileous and envious abt it but if they are too miserable they just haven't tried hard enough) but it's got to be an accelerating factor. At least in acting like these resentments are somehow foundational to transfemininity.
It's kind of how teenagers online (and ppl who used to be teenagers online) adopt a voice in talking to each other that resembles the voice adults use to talk to teenagers. (Maybe I'm overstaing it but like people are even reproducing the educational comic that falls woefully short of it's subject matter with a completely genuine intention!)
And ig I should be hesitant to bring this to the rhetoric in those fights about transmisogyny itself, but there is something that just doesn't sit right with me in using v-coding, for example, as a gotcha to convince someone (who wont be convinced anyway) that trans women suffer from misogyny and sexual violence. I get it, you want the world to see that you are right and they are wrong, but in the end it just amounts to "I suffer more than you and therefore I am right and you are wrong" which is just a sad victory if it even is a victory at all, like yeah, trans women have it worse in general, but is that really the most important thing to know and learn about v-coding? Like yes, it is important to reject the idea that all the violence that is inflicted on trans women is unrelated with each other and just a softened and less important form of homophobia, but v-coding is not evidence in a crime that needs to be collected to prosecute and convict the vile society. Like all the other acts of violence against trans women and transfems it's something that's happening right now, in this world, and nothing rings as hollow as an ideological victory.
I'm not saying don't bring it up, I'm not saying don't try to convince people, I'm just saying I don't want to live in a world of rhetoric, and even if I did, I mean maybe I do, maybe it's just that I hate all the rhetoric trans women online use with each other and with other people. It's objectifying. But ig I have to say that doesn't mean that what the rhetoric is saying is wrong, just that it doesn't fucking matter when it's right.
It's all just impulse. Mutual self-infantilization.

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含德之厚,比於*赤子*。蜂蠆虺蛇不螫,猛獸不據,攫鳥不搏。骨弱筋柔而握固。未知牝牡之合而*全作*,精之至也。
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Beware! Laozi wants you to become a SEXLESS COMMUNIST BABY that has an ERECTION!!
no, i actually dont think trans women are like looksmaxxers
they say she is so good at zoning out it's almost like the conjoining of tiger and dragon
fps in which you can shoot yourself
while i did write this when i was very depressed the thought behind it was wanting to see like cod protagonists accidentally shoot themselves

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Zhuangzi Buchclub (bestehend aus nur mir)
Ich bin dabei, Zhuangzi sehr langsam zu lesen, also die ctext version abzuschreiben, die Worte nachzuschlagen, die Übersetzungen, die mir zur Verfügung stehen, zu vergleichen (Kalinke, Watson, Legge, Ziporyn) und zu schauen wie sie den originalen Text syntaktisch (und sogar pragmatisch lol) interpretieren, und dann die Interpretationen, die mir am besten gefallen als Vorlage für eine deutsche Version, die so knapp und wörtlich wie möglich sein soll, zu benutzen.
Die unterschiedlichen Übersetzungen haben natürlich große Auswirkung auf die Bedeutung, aber gleichzeitig besitzten die Zhuangzi Kapitel für sich genommen eindeutig eine sehr kohärente argumentative Struktur, so dass bei verschiedenen Übersetzungen selbst sehr unterschiedliche Interpretionen auf die selbe Art in den Text eingebunden werden und so trotzdem oft eine ähnliche Message vermitteln. Das soll nicht heißen, dass es nur eine wahre Interpretation gibt, sondern dass der Kontext in den man sich dann entschließt, diese Message einzubinden, oft größere Auswirkungen auf die Interpretation des Textes hat als kleinere Übersetzungsentscheidungen. Disclaimer: glaube ich zumindest, und ich habe keine Ahnung.
Kapitel 1.1
北冥有魚,其名為鯤。鯤之大,不知其幾千里也。化而為鳥,其名為鵬。鵬之背,不知其幾千里也;怒而飛,其翼若垂天之雲。是鳥也,海運則將徙於南冥。南冥者,天池也。 齊諧者,志怪者也。諧之言曰:「鵬之徙於南冥也,水擊三千里,摶扶搖而上者九萬里,去以六月息者也。」 野馬也,塵埃也,生物之以息相吹也。天之蒼蒼,其正色邪?其遠而無所至極邪?其視下也亦若是,則已矣。
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Im Nordmeer gibt es einen Fisch, sein Name ist Kun. Kun ist groß, ich weiß nicht, wie viele tausend Li. Er verwandelt sich und wird zu einem Vogel, dessen Name Peng ist. Pengs Rücken, ich weiß nicht wie viele tausend Li [er groß ist]; kräftig erhebt er sich in die Luft, seine Flügel bedecken den Himmel wie Wolken. Dieser Vogel: bewegt sich das Meer , dann zieht er zum Südmeer. Das Südmeer ist der Himmelssee. Das "Qi Xie" [Frieden des Staates Qi?], eine Aufzeichnung des Sonderbaren. Darin heißt es: "Bei Pengs Reise zum Südmeer schlägt das Wasser 3000 li hoch, er kreist bis hinauf in eine Höhe von 90000 li, und hört erst nach sechs Monaten auf." Wilde Pferde, Dreck und Staub, lebende Dinge, die durch den Wind aneinander geworfen werden. Das Tiefblau des Himmels, ist es seine korrekte Farbe? [Oder] ist er so weit und ohne äußerste Grenze? Schaut er von oben herab, sieht auch er nur dieses [Tiefblau].
Ziporyns (buuh) Interpretation ist, dass die wilden Pferde, der Staub und die gebeutelten, lebenden Dinge alle Beschreibungen der Erscheinung Pengs am Himmel sind. Ich würde sagen, dass das der Vergleich zwischen Peng und dem Himmel selbst entscheidender ist. Geht man von Ziporyns Interpretation aus, klingt dieser Vergleich etwa so:
Peng steigt auf und wirkt wie eine undurchdringliche Naturerscheinung. Das Tiefblau des Himmels, ist es die tatsächliche Gestalt des Himmels, oder erscheint es nur so, weil er ohne äußerste Grenze ist, so dass von oben auch alles Tiefblau erscheint?
Aber auch, wenn man diese Sätze als eine Beschreibung der Landschaft die Peng beobachtet, interpretiert, ist die Parallele zwischen Peng und dem grenzenlosen Himmel immer noch eindeutig, nur der Fokus verschiebt sich.
Geht es um Pengs Erscheinung oder die Auswirkungen seines Aufstieg, dann steht die Grenzenlosigkeit und Unergründlichkeit des Himmels im Fokus, weil Peng wie der grenzenlose Himmel eine unerkannte Natur hat; ist es eine Beschreibung von Pengs Perspektive auf die Welt, betont es, wie leicht sich die Augen täuschen lassen und wie unbedeutend die kleinen Unterscheidungen sind, weil Peng von oben ja schlussendlich auch nur das Blau sieht, dass jetzt das Blau der Erde ist. In beiden Fällen geht es darum den Kontrast von Erscheinung und Wirklichkeit zu erkennen, einmal indem wir Peng erkennen und einmal durch Pengs Augen.
okay so maybe my problem is also just that its impossible to say the word tme without sounding like the biggest dork in the world my hate and bitterness need no mediation and can stand on their own