fics from mea

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you stand slowly, careful not to wake your daughter who was sleeping next to your legs on the couch, though your heart is already pounding so loud it feels impossible she can’t hear it too. your feet drag across the floor as you approach the door, fingers tightening around the knob.

when you open it, kangsoo stands there and your breath catches so sharply it hurts since he looks exhausted, pale, and thinner than before you had your daughter eight months ago. some dark circles stain beneath his eyes, and his hair is messy like he’s been running his hands through it for hours. the man's black shirt with the blue jacket is damp from the rain outside.

but it’s him after two whole months of silence. your expression immediately hardens as you hiss, “are you fucking serious?”

kangsoo swallows, “y/n—”

“no.” you shove at his chest before he can continue, “no, you do not get to just show up here after disappearing for two months like nothing happened.”

kangsoo jaw tightens, but he lets you push him.

“i can explain.”

“explain?” you laugh bitterly, voice cracking and you hated how it sounded as you clenched your teeth, “you left me alone with an eight month old baby while you ran around dealing with your crime bullshit and now you wanna explain?”

his eyes lower at that and you can see the real guilt in his brown eyes. yet, you hate that it still affects you.

“i didn’t leave because i wanted to,” he says quietly.

“well you still left.”

silence falls between you and you can feel your anger building again, months and months of fear and resentment clawing its way out of your chest.

“do you have any idea what it’s been like?” you whisper harshly, “every time my phone rang i thought someone was calling to tell me you were dead. every time someone walked past me on the street i thought they were connected to you.... i had to protect her by myself.”

kangsoo’s face crumbles a little at the mention of ji-seo.

“i know,” he murmurs, “i know, and i’m sorry.”

“sorry doesn’t fix any of this.”

he nods slowly.

“i know that too.”

you hate how calm he sounds since it ties to how tired he sounds.

it almost makes you soften then suddenly a cry comes out from behind you inside of the apartment.

it is ji-seo, and your head immediately snaps toward the couch where your daughter had been sleeping peacefully moments ago.

“shit,” you whisper.

before you can even move, kangsoo is already stepping past you into your apartment.

“kangsoo—”

he’s heading straight toward the couch, like muscle memory as if he is home.

you should stop him, you really should but your feet stay rooted to the floor as he kneels beside the couch carefully, eyes instantly softening the moment he sees her. your heart physically aches at the sight since ji-seo’s tiny face is red from crying, her little fists rubbing at her eyes as soft hiccups leave her mouth. the second kangsoo scoops her up into his arms, she settles almost immediately like she knows him.

or as if she remembers him.

kangsoo exhales shakily, holding her against his chest.

“hey, babygirl,” he whispers softly, “hey… oppa’s here.”

your breath falters while you stand there in your pajamas and slippers, since ji-seo lets out one more tiny whine before relaxing fully against him, her cheek squished against his shoulder. and fuck, kangsoo looks at her like she’s the only good thing he’s ever created in his entire life.

he presses a slow kiss against the top of her forehead, eyes closing briefly and you feel tears sting your eyes instantlybecause she looks exactly like him with the same eyes, same cheeks, and the same pout. it’s like staring at a smaller, softer version of the man you tried so hard to stop loving.

kangsoo finally looks over at you and his voice is quiet, finally explaining to you why he is back after so long.

“gwan-hee is gone.”

your eyebrows pull together immediately.

“…what?”

“he’s gone,” he repeats, “i got him.”

your lips part slightly since you understand immediately what that means and what kind of weight those words carry.

kangsoo watches you carefully before speaking again.

“that means i don’t have to be a part of that world much longer.”

your chest tightens since for months, that world had been the reason you left him.

not saying anything, you look down at ji-seo sleeping peacefully in his arms and suddenly you feel exhausted all over again.

kangsoo’s voice breaks quietly.

“i want another chance, y/n.”

you close your eyes immediately.

“kangsoo…”

“please.” his eyes glisten now with regret, “i’m sorry for everything... I am for leaving, and for scaring you, and most importantly for not being here with her.” his voice cracks as he looks down at ji-seo, “i missed you both so much.”

your throat burns as he steps closer slowly, still bouncing your daughter gently in his arms.

“i swear i’ll make it up to you,” he whispers desperately, “ten times over. i’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to both of you if that’s what it takes.”

you look at ji-seo again then at him and suddenly all the anger you spent months building starts cracking apart because despite everything he came back and he came back alive.

your lip trembles at the thought of that, and kangsoo notices immediately so without saying anything, he slowly holds one arm out toward you.

the invitation alone breaks you and a sob escapes your chest before you can stop it.

you’re moving towards him and you bury yourself against him, crying hard as his arm wraps tightly around your shoulders. ji-seo is pressed safely between the two of you, warm and sleepy and breathing softly as kangsoo kisses the top of your head immediately.

again.

again.

and again.

“i’m sorry,” he whispers shakily, “i’m so sorry.”

you clutch the front of his shirt tightly and he smells like rain and smoke and familiarity. you feel tears slipping down his face too now, some of them landing against your hair.

“i should’ve been here,” he whispers brokenly to ji-seo, “i should’ve been with my girls.”

your daughter squirms softly between you both before settling again, with her tiny hand grabbing weakly at kangsoo’s shirt collar and somehow that tiny movement makes all three of you feel connected again like a family.

you pull back just enough to look at him and his eyes are red. so are yours.

“don’t disappear again,” you whisper.

kangsoo shakes his head immediately.

“never again.”

“you promise?”

he presses his forehead against yours carefully.

“i promise.”

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