quotes from mbmbam

Griffin: How did you just pronounce the word sudoku? Travis: ...I think I said sudoko. Justin: No Griffin, you're confused, sudoko is that new joint. Griffin: Hey, have you guys played Sedaka? Justin: Have you played Neil Sedaka? Travis: I was actually thinking of the gas station Sunoco.

Griffin: I'm trying to imagine um, what the, the sad mewing of a cat is like when it's behind the door of a bathroom where you are defecating. And that cat, all it wants, oh, all it wants is to come in and just chill with you while you do your business. I'm trying to imagine what that sounds like. Travis: I'll tell you Griffin. It sounds exactly like Purple Rain.

Griffin: Yahoo Answers user Sideways Smiley Face, uh, asks, "Is the human centipede real?" *loud thud* Travis: That was the sound of Justin taking off his headphones and walking away. Justin: Is the Human... We're done, guys, like- Griffin: You don't mean the show, you mean fucking humanity. People. America. Justin: I don't...I'm not gonna answer this question. I need to talk about the fact that as a society, we're done. Dog, there are people wandering around on this earth, that were like. They were sitting in their den, not reading, and they suddenly realized, like, this question is gnawing at me too much. I've gotta go ask the internet if the Human Centipede is real. Travis: 'Have you guys seen that new documentary, The Human Centipede?' ... Griffin: It was on Nat Geo the other day, so it must be real.

Griffin: I'm just saying I wanna be part of a community. And by be part of, I mean lead. Justin: And by community, you mean angry cult, pope-killing mob.

Justin: I thought we weren't gonna turn this into a gardening podcast and give away all our secrets. If you want - if you want gardening tips, tune into our other podcast My Garden, My Garden and Me. It's actually a show about gardens that I do with Ina Garten, the Barefoot Contessa. It's not, it's not very popular. It's actually, it's actively disliked. Griffin: How many episodes? Justin: A half. We finished when she had to go make some scones for Jeffrey.

Griffin: "I am trying to get my son trained to defecate in a bag instead of a toilet or diaper. Any suggestions or tips? My wife and I are very environment-conscious and have been thinking of ways to teach this to our three year old son. He isn't potty trained yet and we don't really want him formally trained to use a toilet, which we believe wastes water and drains resources. My wife and I started going in bags about two years ago-" Justin: No you didn't! Griffin: "-and we use the excrement, blended with other materials, to fertilize our garden...and also sell it to friends for extra spending money. But we have-" Travis: NO! Griffin: "But we have had problems getting him to squat and be patient enough to go." Justin: No shit! Griffin: "How can we encourage him? Prizes? Punishment? What has worked for you?" Travis: Go in the bag, damn it, go in the bag! Griffin: You shit in that bag or so help me! Justin: Derek, so help me if you don't shit in that bag! Griffin: Derek, you shit in that bag or you are grounded! Justin: Hey, I'm sorry, I'm sorry weirdo but what punishment are you gonna levy against this child that even approaches the social punishment of going to school the first day and asking the teacher where you can go shit in a bag?! ... Travis: There's one nugget - pardon the pun- Griffin: Jesus. Travis: -and that is selling it to their friends for extra spending money. Who the fuck are your friends? Griffin: Is there a jar somewhere that they just slide their extra, their extra change into that they got from selling their human shit to their very real friends? And then when that jar gets full they go to Disney World? This is human poop we're talking about. Justin: If you really wanna help your child, here's how you do it. You put the child on the porch, you scatter your fecal matter around your home, and you burn it down with you inside it.