insta @m.canbio "Theres a time and a place for everything and T

they no longer exist to me.

it’s so weird; it’s like a switch.

we can be vibing together really well, having a great time, he can be a great person, but if anything physical happens immediately after i want absolutely nothing to do with them. ever again.

i have no clue why this is. it is something i have been pondering since wednesday. obviously this is not the case for someone i have feelings for, but maybe it’s because usually i don’t even want the sex to happen. i just kinda let it happen.

so does that somehow subconsciously make me resent the person? i think maybe it is a mixture of that and regret.

looking back, i’ve had very, very few sexual encounters in which i was completely into it and/or not pressured, didn’t feel obligated, wasn’t forced. and even fewer still in which it was with someone i felt for.

i’ve learned to not harp on it too much, not to feel completely guilty and regretful as i did in the past.

i thought i had completely ridded myself of doing that, actually. but apparently it has evolved and is manifesting differently. and on a more subconscious level.

maybe i’m trying to erase them in a sense. thus erasing the memory and the encounter.