No One Asked But

Hello! My name is Max, I use she/her/he/him pronouns and I'm 17! This is my main blog, but i have 3 others all on the same account, so you'll be directed here if i like any of your stuff. Feel free to check them out! Shifting blog - maximusshifts Writing blog - maximuswritesgarbage Otherhearted blog - maximusbites I’m here to be myself, so if there’s something you don’t like about me I’m sorry, but I can’t really do anything about that ʅ（◞‿◟）ʃ

Quick DNI list: if you support the use of generative ai (specifically in creative fields like art, music, writing, coding, etc), hate on/police people who aren't hurting anyone, are MAGA, support ICE, are racist, are a misogynist/"support the patriarchy", are a nazi or facist, or are transphobic homophobic biphobic or any kind of queer-phobic

More about me:

It’s even more stupid because it’s over a stupid school project.

Basically I’ve been working really hard on this history presentation for my favorite teacher and it was due roughly 36 minutes ago and my teacher stressed that we couldn’t turn it in after the due date.

On top of not being able to turn it in on time, I looked back at the rubric and it turns out that I’m missing some important bits and I don’t have room on my slides. And on top of that I’m pretty sure some of my primary sources are actually secondary sources so.

Yeah that’s awesome. I feel just great about that.

I was actually looking forward to presenting because some of my slides look so cool, and I’m really proud of some of my work on them.

I emailed my teacher 3 times today. I don’t really know what’s gonna happen, but all I can do rn is just go to sleep and hope for the best bc I’m so fucking cooked.

I’m afraid of myself and what I’m capable of

Anyway, I pitched the idea and my parents AND THEY WERE SO DOWN

My English teacher is making us use ai for our final project like

I AM NOT WASTING SOMEONES DRINKING WATER!!!!

I WIL REJECT AI UNTIL I DIE I DO NOT CARE FUCK OFF

I ALREADY STRUGGLE WITH AN ADDICTION TO CHAI IM NOT USING CHAT WITH THE DEAD ON A RESEARCH PROJECT (please don’t drag me for this, I’m trying my hardest to stop/gen)

Oh. My god.

Teachers will let you use ai to “gather sources” but won’t accept anything from a Wikipedia article

ITS EVERYWHERE. ITS IN THE ART ITS IN THE PICTURES ITS IN THE MUSIC ITS IN THE WRITING ITS IN MY FUCKING SEARCH ENGINE ITS EVERYWHERE AND I CANT ESCAPE IT

I FUCKING HATE AI I HATE IT SO MUCH KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT (I mean specifically llms)

Okay but what am I supposed to do with all the shame. Like where do I put it. What do I do with it. Can I get rid of it. Please.

also regarding your post about friendships and how exhausted it is, i completely understand you!! I sometimes feel guilty becauss I keep thinking that maybe I am being a rude person, my advice is to keep your friend groups small (i only have 2 friends and both of them are neurodivergent so its much easier for me to handle stuff like this because they get it)...if you cant do that, try to get into different hobbies (or even lie...oops 😭) just tell them that you have been painting, reading, working on assignments, or something. or else just talk to them and tell them that sometimes it feels draining to be in a group settings all the time and you would rather be in a good mental state and talk to them, rather than be in an anxious state and treat them rudely. I understand saying that can be difficult especially if they're not neurodivergent as well :// hopefully this helps and if it doesnt forget about it 🧍‍♀️🧍‍♀️

lol, i wasnt sure if you wanted me to respond or not (personally i dont really want this on my main blog but i didnt wanna ghost you in case you were expecting an answer. lmk if youre ok with/want me to delete this)

Thanks for the advice!!! Honestly i do have a small friend group, in fact its so small it isnt even a group, its just me and my best friend! lmao. I was mostly venting about people i dont really care about (theyre what i call school/class friends. Like, in class id do a group project with you and move to sit next to you if i feel like it, but outside of school or class i dont really want to hear from you. Its kind of shallow.. but i cant help it. I dont like being alone in classes because it feels vulnerable and 'unsafe' and i only have 1st period with M. We dont even have the same lunch period so. idk, am i making any sense?) and i feel better now but it still a real concern. My main 'issue' with them is that they want to walk to class with me bc i have classes near them. Ill refer to the 2 specific people as S and V. I have 2 classes with V and she bothers me a lot less, but there are times where i cant stand her (only because typically im in a bad mood and just really dont want to talk or interact with anyone at all). S is a lot more energetic and knows me a lot less. We have only one class together, but we have the same homeroom, so 2 classes on wednesdays. All three of us are autistic, but im very 'high functioning'. No offence to her but its very obvious with S.

Honestly the main issue is that were just not 'compatible', yk? We arent on the same 'maturity' levels (this is not intended to put them down and make them seem stupid or like children) and our humor is vastly different. I find it hard to laugh at some of their jokes and unintentionally end up making V feel a bit bad sometimes because something she thought was funny didnt make me laugh. I handle it a lot better with V, especially since we've communicated our differences and stuff and can interact without it being an issue, but not so much with S.

honestly its hard to explain to literally anyone except my best friend that being around people is exhausting and i prefer being alone to talking or even being in the same room as another human being, even my parents and my best friend. Like, i cant have M (my bsf) sleep over for more than 2 weekends in a row because i will literally turn evil. Time alone is rare those weeks.

Like. I don’t want to talk to anyone at my school. I sort of have friends, but being around them is fucking exhausting. specifically the ones i 'hang out' with outside of class. Not because they’re ’bad people’ or are always negative, I just. I don’t want to talk. Sometimes I need to be alone. No, I don’t want to walk to class with you. No, I don’t want to eat lunch with you. No, I don’t want to hang out after school with you.

No, I don’t hate you, I just don’t have anything to say. No, I’m not upset, I just didn't laugh at the funny thing you said because it didn't make me laugh.

Can we fucking please normalize not saying anything when you don’t have anything to say???? Can we fucking normalize being able to sit in silence???? Can we fucking normalize being able to sit next to/near someone without having to fucking talk???? Like I don’t have anything to say. I’m so tired of just nodding and smiling and laughing and talking and laughing and nodding and smiling and nodding and laughing and smiling and nodding and fucking talking and

cuz if you don’t make an expression people ask what’s wrong. People think you’re upset, so they treat you like you’re upset. And the fastest way to piss me off is to treat me like I’m upset when I’m not. At this point I’m starting to get upset. At this point the answer is gonna start being “yes”.

Idk, it sounds so cliche but I just don’t feel like anyone understands me. Like. Yeah, I get lonely without human contact for too long and sometimes I really do enjoy hanging out but I need time to be completely alone. I need those simple pleasures where I listen to music by myself and stare out the bus/car window and marvel at the beauty of nature. I need those moments where I walk to class listening to music and marveling at the beauty of the sky. Because if i have to act like i want to be talking to someone. If i have to act like i'm enjoying the conversation when i could be actively listening to my music.

I will blow up. I will explode. I will have a psychotic break. I will turn evil.

I need a moment alone to think, to be myself. Idk, maybe I’m masking too hard or something but it’s getting to a point where I genuinely do not want to text or hear from anyone. Not even my best friend. Like I’m exhausted. I want to go back to when I didn’t talk to anyone.

And my parents dont seem to get it. I think they think that theyre excluded from the "i dont wanna be around anyone right now".

Im gonna lose it. Im genuinely more productive when im home alone. Being home alone is my favorite thing in the world. I have the entire house to be myself in. I can scream and be as loud as i want. I can walk around without a shirt on if i really feel like it. I can do whatever i want without worrying about how anyone else will react. I can talk to myself out loud.