Gaymer boy

BUT

He now has the instinct to pull his kids under his wings. He tries to hold it back. But sometimes, he just can't help himself and attempts to pull his very dangerous children ranging from ages 10 to 27 under his wings despite only half of them fitting under there comfortably.

This results in Dick awkwardly bending over or going on his knees so his bird father can properly brood him and calm his anxiety after someone almost dies.

This results in Jason having to be extra brutal for a few weeks so that everyone forgets about Batman pulling the injured crime lord onto his lap and wrapping his wings around him while they waited for the others to come help with his stab wound. (And so they forget about Jason playing with his wings to calm himself)

This results in Tim, after spending multiple days awake, being suddenly picked up and surrounded by black feathers.

This results in Bruce’s wings faintly glowing because Duke is hiding in them to take a nap.

This results in Damian stabbing his wing the first time he did this because it scared him and Bruce barely noticing because he was too busy making soft chirps to the boy.

This results in Cass designating his wings as her safe space when things get too bright or too loud.

This results in Bruce having to figure out how to contort his body enough to semi wrap his wings around Barbara in her wheelchair.

This results in Steph putting bows and hair clips in his feathers.

Red Hood: Outlaws Issue #6 (2022)

tim, trying to piss off his little brother: you know your moves as robin could probably be worked on, that roundhouse kick you did last night needs to be 24% more accurate on the left side to even out balance and-

damian, not looking up from his phone: kill yourself, drake.

tim:

tim: aight damn

-

dick: damian, i'm sorry but i'm eating the leftovers you have in the fridge, i'm so hungry,

damian: you should kill yourself.

dick: -and i promise i'll replace it tomorrow but-

dick:

dick, aghast: what?

-

jason: i fucked your mom

damian: kill yourself

jason: i fucked your mom

damian: kill yourself

jason: i fucked your mom

damian: kill yourself-

tim, resigned from across the room: god, they're stuck in that same fucking loop again.

jason is stood there, gun twirling in-hand, shit eating grin on his face, and innocently he goes 'are you my new daddy?'

oliver's eyes widen in fear and he sputters out a 'o-oh i don't- i don't think-'

'yeah, that's what i thought.' bruce snaps. 'come on, jason.'

oliver watches bruce wrap an arm around jason's shoulders and lead him away, and as they leave he hears jason go 'i shot a guy like- directly through the nose ring, nothing but net style, so i won the competition and i get to pick dinner for tonight.'

bruce's steps falter just barely. 'and the man you shot-?'

'oh, fuckin exploded like an egg out the microwave. ruined damian's new sweater.'

bruce sighs.

'i want italian.'

'you had italian yesterday.'

like, he'll GET THERE EVENTUALLY, but for now this is literally the first time this child has been allowed to leave the grounds of the insane conditioning cult supervision that he's been under since birth and by GOD is he gonna get this kid to eat cookie pie and stand under a waterfall. for his mental health.

Damian is literally so chill about this. like it's insane to him that he's getting to experience all this shit, and he doesn't really know what to do about being in public for the first time in his life, but also he's with Jason who he trusts with his whole heart and also ?? he has literally never met Bruce before. as far as he knows that's just the bat-guy that his big brother consistently calls a 'creepy fuck not worth your time, Dami'. he is fine to postpone the family reunion.

Jason meanwhile is having the absolute time of his life going on a world trip of the best child-experiences he can think of, both healing Damian's inner child, indulging his own, AND ignoring Talia's enraged calls about why the fuck he's just been spotted at a spa in Iceland when he was supposed to be introducing Damian to his father like two months ago.

"Little Wing, your placement sense sucks," he tells him, no heat, just silent amusement.

Jason shrugs.

He remembers his attempts to reach for the top shelves with his throat being cut, how he didn't have much power and was mostly crawling around apartment, helpless. How he was sewing himself back laying on the floor, barely propped against the wall, his hands traitorously shaking.

Or a few other times, when he was left alone with no help after fights with Bruce, and grovelling was easier, and thus it was much quicker and helpful to have these kits stacked as low as possible.

He doesn't say that aloud. He doesn't really want to make Dick for no reason.

now that Damian and Tim are around, there's a mutual alliance that slips into play in the weirdest moments. it pisses the youngers off to no end, BAFFLES Bruce, and Jason and Dick don't even notice. because it isn't an agreed upon thing, it's just the silent 'we're the older brothers here' pact that is put in place automatically no matter how fucked everything else about their dynamics are.

Jason will be arguing with the bats about Bruce's rule of no guns in the cave, spitting horrific insults and declaring them no longer a family, and in the background Dick will try to send Damian to bed because he has a test the next morning. Damian will refuse, and Jason will without any question pause his argument and turn to say something like, "Listen to him demon brat, it's bed time."

"He cannot tell me what to do, and i will not be treated like a child!" Damian will spit, while Dick rubs his hand down his face, tired and resigned.

"He's older, he's in charge." Jason says simply. "If he says go to bed, you listen." And then as Damian scowls but finally goes up towards the manor, Jason will turn back around and continue right back up where he left off declaring family abandonment. Dick doesn't even blink at the backup. it's expected, it's just what they do for each other.

it goes both ways, too. even if Jason and Dick don't hang out, can't talk, they always instinctively support each other with the kids. there's a random morning after Jason's activity and goals in Crime Alley actually become so influential that he starts doing a little bit of undercover crossover work with WE to help improve the city, which of course means he has to work with Tim, where Dick gets a call like an hour into the working day.

"Dick i swear to fucking god i hate him- we disagree on ONE MINOR POINT and he fucking SENDS ME HOME as if he has ANY AUTHORITY OVER WHETHER OR NOT I SLEEP-"

"Timmy," Dick soothes, not even having to think about it. "I know it's frustrating, but you know that when it comes to working on the city Jason is the most experienced of you two. You have to refer to him as project lead. He's your older brother."

"SAYS WHO?!"

"Says me," He points out instantly. "If Jay says you need to take a break from work, then go home. Ok?"

"...I don't like either of you."

"Have a good sleep, Tim."

He gets hung up on. when he pulls the phone away from his ear, he sees a message from a number that is literally only usually used during life and death scenarios, because Jason hates people being able to contact him at all times and thus usually keeps his phone in the back of a cutlery drawer in his kitchen unless he has no other option but to use it. like now.

Jason: hes a little fucking shit. you know he threatened to lie and tell bruce i was killing people again behind his back?

Dick: yeah i just spoke to him abt it, he's gone home like you said so dw.

Jason: thank fuck, that little fuckers been running on nothing but espresso for the last 4 days he looked like he was bouta DIE

Dick: yeah theyre all assholes.

Jason: im picking damian up from school tday btw so u dont gotta worry about that

Dick: 👍

Dick: warning tho on mondays his last class is PE so he comes out the building pre-pissed at how shit the other students are at physical activity. couple weeks ago he smashed my car window.

Jason: fucking wonderful. cant we just lock the children in a cupboard and wait for nature to take its course?

Dick: lmfao just wait for duke to get back from his holiday then we'll have three again

Jason: i slapped a mouldy trash-can hotdog he was trying to eat out of his hand and he told me i looked like the crowbar lobotomised me once

Dick: yeah no he's an asshole. hes started teaching damian roblox-age slang just to piss me off.

Jason: i had to ground duke and damian for trying to set drake manor on fire with tim inside it last month. they were so mad about it

Dick: AT LEAST THEY LISTEN TO YOU i told damian to knock it off when he started letting spiders lose in dukes room and he put a skunk in my apartment.

Jason: i fucking hate children.

Dick: no its the worst. being the older brother is suicide inducing

Jason: fucking aye. grab a beer with me tomorrow night to talk shit about them all?

Dick: wouldn't miss it.

he then proceeds to brother the fuck out of Tim behind Dick and Bruce’s back and when he dies, comes back, and finds Tim in his suit being trained and looked after by the Waynes, he isn’t mad at Tim for replacing him as Robin, but rather at Dick, for daring to steal his fucking kid.

Jason: are you shitting me?

Tim: Jason-

Jason: AFTER HOW SHIT OF A BROTHER HE WAS TO ME, AND YOU JUST LET HIM TAKE MY PLACE!?

Dick, never been more baffled in his life: how are you ali- WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU TWO ALREADY KNEW EACH OTHER??!

Tim: Jason please, Dick wasn’t replacing you-!

Jason: PLEASE, TIMMY. I SAW YOU EATING ICE CREAM TOGETHER ON THE ROOF ACROSS FROM THE MEXICAN PLACE. THAT WAS OUR THING!

Dick: what the fuck is going on

Tim: Jason, just calm down a sec, we can talk about th-

Jason: NO FUCK YOU. IM GOING BACK TO THE DESERT.

Tim, watching Jason stomp off incredulously: what the fuck are you gonna do in a desert?!

Jason, flapping his hands and still storming away: M’ GONNA GO GRAB DAMIAN AND THEN WE’LL SEE WHOSE REALLY REPLACING BROTHERS, GOT IT ASSHOLE?

Tim:

Dick:

Tim, turning to Dick after Jason’s left: who the fuck is Damian?

Dick: i literally know nothing about anything that’s happened in the last twenty minutes, why would you ask me that?

~

*at the leagues compound*

Jason: *storms in*

Ra’s: dear god, he’s back.

Jason: *flips Ra’s off and silently storms over to where Damian’s colouring on the floor*

Jason: *swings Damian over his shoulder and turns to leave, still flipping Ra’s off one-handed*

Damian, disoriented: Ahki…?

Talia, not looking up from her book: make good choices, ensure he eats well.

Jason: *leaves with Damian*

Batman and Robin finish dealing with a rogue and Bruce gets notified that the batmobile’s been compromised. Red Hood has already tried to blow up him and Robin multiple times this point, so without being sure who it is he’s already cautious. They get back to the car ready to fight only to find their city’s latest crime lord half-hanging out of the passenger window, legs flailing in the air, banging loudly about on the inside of the car with his fists.

“WHY THE FUCK ARE THERE NO CHERRY OPTIONS?! B I KNOW YOUR BITCH ASS KNOWS NEVER TO RUN OUT OF CHERRY.” He screams when he notices them standing around nearby.

Bruce is fucking flabbergasted. Tim’s the only one with the (albeit baffled) sense of mind to stick his hand up in the air like he’s at school before confusedly letting Hood know “…Uhm. I think- I think there’s some cherry flavour in the- in a box under the back seat…?”

Red Hood’s legs flail about slightly as he twists around into an even weirder angle to reach the back. A few more clanks and bangs later and he starts shuffling back out of the window, body language smug. Whe he’s out, he turns to reveal a handful of cherry flavour fruit snacks in his hands. He cocks a hip as he starts unwrapping them.

“So. How was Riddler tonight?”

Bruce makes an aborted movement towards him, suddenly panicked. “You can’t- don’t you dare eat those! Those are Jason’s!” He blurts unthinkingly, memories flashing in his mind of little Jason, the son he mourned, constantly hungry and stubborn about the types of snacks he’d eat. After he’d died and Bruce cleared out the car for the first time, he’d found one of Jason’s old stashes. He hadn’t been strong enough to get rid of them. Still kept a second secret stock of the second Robin’s favourite mid-patrol munchies on hand, as if his ghost would come back to complain about being forgotten. Seeing Red Hood desecrate his sacred offerings made his blood pressure spike, but it was nothing compared to the way he bluescreened when Hood didn’t react at all, instead continuing to unwrap the plastic and undoing the clasp of his helmet with one hand.

“Yeah, bitch-ass.” He sniped, taking off the helmet and shoving the snack in his mouth. “‘ason’s ‘uckin snacks. Mine.” He muffled around a mouthful of food.

Bruce goes very, very still. “What.”

Tim cocks his head. “…Did you really just identity-reveal yourself for a fruit snack?”

“Mind your fuckin’ business, Replacement.”

It's not exactly the first time this has happened to one of them, hell, Dick got babyfied like three times as Robin alone. But. This the first time that it has happened to Damian.

Damian who would rather be caught death than acting cute. Damian who has adorable round cheeks but once bit Dick when he tried to pinch them. Damian who, without the league training and influence, will probably be the sweetest, cutest baby on earth.

Needles to say, everyone is speeding back to the cave the moment the news hit the coms.

When they get there Damian is in Bruce's arms drinking milk from a bat-themed bottle Alfred produced from god knows where. And everyone immediately is shoving one another to get a good look at the baby.

The moment Damian notices his siblings he stops drinking, his eyes growing huge and unblinking.

For a second nobody moves. Everyone is waiting to see what adorable thing will the tiny baby do first and Damian... Throws his bottle at Tim and hits him square in the face.

It's just the beginning.

As it turns out Baby Damian is... an asshole. League influence or not.

Forget all cute expectations they had about him. Within the hour Damian has managed to pull some of Stephanie's hair out, has puked on Duke, has thrown more things at Tim. And when Dick tried to pinch his cheeks Damian bit him again.

He is the most temperamental baby they have ever met, he scowls and glares, and yells when they try to pick him up...

The only two people he seems to tolerate are Bruce (when he's feeding him). And, weirdly enough, Jason.

It comes as a surprise to everyone. Most of all Jason.

He wouldn't say he's bad with kids, but no kid has ever taken to him like Damian does. Somehow, the tiny ball of anger loves him.

Damian clings to him and cries when he leaves the room. And lights up when he sees him in a way that he only does when they put Talia's picture up on the screen.

Jason even gets Damian to giggle! An adorable little thing that has Bruce looking away with suspiciously shiny eyes.