gσℓ∂єη.

“wow? peace? as in world peace? you’re starting to look and sound like miss america, theo,” tabby joked, but there was a warm, hazy smile painted on her face. she watched theo in what seemed like a deep contemplation that she didn’t want to prod into further. she was a bit too caught up in her own self-lamenting bullshit that it was hard to ask if those wishes truly meant more to him than he had let on. she wouldn’t tell if he wouldn’t. she held her breath for a moment longer than normal, her exhale noisy and unevenly paced. “i’m absolutely sure your sister misses the hell out of you too,” tabby offered, placing her head back down on her knees. “can i tell you a secret…” she whispered, even though they were seemingly alone. tabitha couldn’t help but want to spill a bit of her own problems, especially once theo had said ‘family is familiar,’ something about it struck a nerve. “you know how a lot of people say the stillwater counselors are like their family… i don’t feel like that a lot of the time. in fact, i feel pretty helpless and alone most of the time,” she muttered, somewhat hoping he hadn’t caught all of her words. “i feel like i’ve made more friends than enemies, theo, and i don’t really know why… i used to say that people hating me was just water off my wings, but it hurts now. of course i have people like josie, and erin, but this place isn’t as familiar to me as i might make it seem.”

theo smiled at her, his eyes crinkling with warmth; he was grateful for her good-spirited ribbing and her reassurance. when she lowered her voice, he scooted a little closer, granting her his full attention. “ sure thing, ” he encouraged gently, before settling in to offer an attentive ear. aside from nodding occasionally to demonstrate that he was listening, he didn’t react visibly or audibly until she was finished speaking. “ honestly, that’s understandable. it’s weird, but being around this many people in this way can be isolating. if the experience doesn’t feel like all it’s meant to be, or like things are going right, it can feel like being always on the outside looking in. ” deep in contemplation, theo traced a pattern on his own thigh, lips pursed. although he did claim some of the counselors as family, his circumstances that summer had felt more powerful than any force and imposed a sense of powerlessness and isolation. he directed his gaze back toward her. “ i’m really, really sorry that you’re experiencing such shitty feelings, though. that sucks, and you don’t deserve that. as someone who cares... way, way too much about what people think, having enemies -- ” he blew out a breath, shaking his head. “ -- is painful. ” pausing for a moment, he frowned. it was important to him that he ensured he understood what she meant. “ what do you mean, ‘ as you might make it seem ?? ’”

“what about you? what kinds of things did you write in your lantern?” she questioned, her eyes travelling from the lake to the stars that had been reflected in its surface. “i can’t believe i’m the counselor, not him. this seems like it would be right up his alley, you know.” she sighed, thinking of her own motives for coming here in the first place. it wasn’t for the nostalgia, but to regain a sense of purpose. she hadn’t really done that yet, she still felt lost. “i mean, i see my parents pretty often, but, god, do i miss my brother. even though most of the time he’s acting like a little punk and he destroys a lot of the things i own, of course i miss him. a part of me wishes that he was right here and i could just wrap my arms around him…” she lets out a gentle sigh, turning her gaze towards theo. “do you miss your family, too?”

“ mainly just, like, wishes for peace and the courage to make things better... ” trailing off, he exhaled deeply and closed his eyes for a heartbeat. he’d been writing lists for his lanterns for many years now, but he’d never hoped this desperately for them to come true before. in a bizarre -- possibly foolish -- way, he was counting on that little paper lantern to carry him through. “ i get that. ” nodding in agreement, theo bit down on his lower lip. “ i do. my younger siblings are here at camp now, which makes it better; they’re the best. but my older sister is really good at keeping me sane and being honest, even if she’s kinda cold and scary. i dunno... family’s just familiar, y’know ?? ” 

felix: oh my goodness btr... i just felt my heart break

felix: please bring your btr music

felix: we may be a boy band but we're not as good as btr and 1d... that's for sure

theo: btr deserved so much more than what they got

theo: i have their first album in actual, legit cd form

bill and ted’s excellent adventure: are you more of an optimist or pessimist?

“ definitely more of an optimist. i usually can’t help but have hope for the future, which isn’t always a good thing. i think up worst case scenarios sometimes and stress myself out, but i don’t normally believe that they’ll really happen. ”

the karate kid: when did you last have to work really hard to achieve something you’re proud of?

“ making the starting team for soccer at ucla was a super huge accomplishment for me. i’m honored to be playing for such a kickass team, and i consistently worked hard over the past school year -- going for runs, changing my diet, running drills all the time -- to stay in tip-top shape for it. ”

rumble fish: who do you look to for guidance in times of need?

already answered !!

e.t.: what’s one ‘weird’ feature that you love about yourself?

already answered !!

❛ would you laugh at me if i said i care for you? ❜

“ aww, tabs, that’s really sweet of you !! no laughin’ here unless it’s with you, i promise. you’re like... kinda like my older sister, y’know ?? i want you and gus to adopt me into your family, so i can be that super weird brother who confuses everyone. ”

♥ : your muse crying about something

❛ you’ll think you’re in paradise ❜ 

“ during the apocalypse ?? you gotta do a really bang-up job of protecting me, then. and there has to be plenty of otter pops and s’mores and classic movies. paradise is supposed to be comfortable, right ?? ”

parenthood: is there anyone you’re not biologically related to that you consider ‘family’?

“ the family that i chose is just as important to me as my biological family. no matter what, through thick and thin, i’m there for @jackscnm, @ftlolas, @amymillcr, @aadics, @alockhearts, and @ofsalamanders​. once you get matching tattoos, it’s real. ”

rumble fish: who do you look to for guidance in times of need?

“ depends on what kind of need it is. it’d probably be either one of the people i trust most from camp or one of my siblings. weirdly enough, my eight-year-old sister gives some great advice. she just has a really clear perspective on stuff even when i don’t. ”

e.t.: what’s one ‘weird’ feature that you love about yourself?

felix: i just hiked to the top of the mountain to get a one direction vine compilation to load

felix: and it was so worth it

felix: but now i'm so tired and just sitting up here

felix: maybe crying while listening to little things

felix: help

theo: i relate to this so deeply it hurts

theo: except for me it'd be big time rush and like... worldwide

“well, so far none of my wishes have come true, but only a few hours have passed since i sent out my lantern…” she lays her head upon her knees, looking at the calm water of the lake. “i feel like it was a successful midsummer lights festival… my brother used to love these things. i’m sure he’s disappointed that he wasn’t  out here to experience it.”

“ fingers crossed that they do eventually. ” theo crossed his arms, head tilted to study the tapestry of stars above. “ ha, yeah, gus would’ve had a great time. he’s missing out on some good ol’ fashioned stillwater fun. ” humming in thought, he turned to tabby, smiling slightly. “ do you ever miss your family more than you would’ve expected ?? even if being around them kinda sucks ?? ”

“ as someone who self-identifies as a professional nihilist, i can honestly say that my man friedrich knew what he was goin’ on about, ” she said, words followed by a few slow nods. “ everything is a social construct ‘cause nothing matters and nothing is even REAL, man. nothing exists. the only thing you can be sure of, is that you can’t be sure of anything at all. ” a small sigh escaped her lips, gaze drifting up to the starry sky above them. these solipsistic moods were a common theme when she was as high as she was right then, eyes red and droopy with a goofy smile plastered onto her face.

     “ … hi, “ she looked over - and up, even in her heels she was significantly shorter than him - at him, “ who says in the flesh besides, like, movie vampires ?? “ lola cracked a small smile at him, bumping his upper arm with her shoulder. after his return from california and the revelation that this entire summer’s back-and-forths and ultimatums were for naught, all lola was focused on was being a good friend to him. she pushed all of the other options and worries out of her mind, “ your tie looks fancy. “

     “ you never know; i do look a little like edward, ” theo joked, his posture relaxing a little as he nudged her back. that tiny, but familiar, gesture helped set him at ease. “ oh, you like it ?? i chose it a while ago. ” fingering his tie, he offered her a smile before finally, finally allowing his gaze to drop to her outfit. it’s alright, he reassured himself, everything’s ok. “ your dress is really nice. it suits you. ” his eyes were warm and soft in the fading summer light. “ how’s your night been going ?? ” 

     she was highly aware of the fact that whatever tension existed between them was completely her fault, but anastasia was far too proud to admit it out loud, much less apologize for her wrongdoings — they were little more than slip ups in her point of view. when she and lola fought, exposing anastasia’s most vile side, she greatly underestimated the effect her words would have — she fucked up, and in doing so, she ruined one of her most valued friendships. but rather than attempt to fix her mistakes, ana tried to turn a blind eye to them. she tried to make herself look good, treating theo like a pawn in the process. he’d done nothing wrong, and admitting that to herself as they danced — or, rather, awkwardly swayed in front of a group of campers — made her stomach sink. anastasia rarely felt guilt, she mostly tended to brush away her mistakes and quickly move on from them to act like they never happened, but here was one of them with his hands on her hips and a demeanor that wasn’t the one that theo was known for. anastasia was thrown back into reality when theo returned the question, and though her smile briefly faltered, ana quickly snapped back into character. ‘ ooh, ucla! i was in college too — i’m a business major so i’m not sure about the whole bigger and better thing. but it has its own charm. ’

admittedly, the momentary slip in anastasia’s demeanor piqued theo’s curiosity. when he was in such close proximity to someone else, he couldn’t resist studying their expressions and attempting to get a read on them emotionally. “ ah, a very traditionally practical route; good for you. ” for her, a business major made sense, he thought. a lot of the people he was wary of were business majors, but that probably stemmed from some deeper, familial issues. “ would you not consider your major bigger and better ?? i mean, you must dedicate so much time to it, right ?? ” he asked, his tone neutral as he continued to sway. in that moment, he was grateful that his injured ankle and its accompany boot meant that he couldn’t dance to any upbeat songs. the thought of dancing to a high energy song with anastasia -- and attempting to appear like he enjoyed it -- was not a pleasant one. his current mood proved that. 

“ i mean, you’re no leonardo but your rabbit isn’t that bad! ” in her attempt to reassure theo, she hadn’t even realized her mistake. “ you’re right. it’s the thought that counts, not the artwork, which is exactly why we need to convince someone else to paint these for us and take the credit. good idea, theo. ” she sat up before stretching out her legs, which had become stiff from laying idle for so long. “ next time, we should stick to physical activities. we’re actually good at those. ”

     despite the kids’ excited oohs and aahs, anastasia didn’t know which one of them was more uncomfortable. as she looked up at theo, a false giggle leaving glossy lips to keep the campers unsuspecting, she realized that was a lie — it was definitely theo. a lifetime of putting on the front of an icy queen bee whose worries weaknesses were all but nonexistent, of a shallow girl with no ambitions but tearing down those around her, had taught her how to act like nothing was wrong. or, in this case, like the boy an arm’s length away from her wasn’t the very boy she’d reduced to a pawn in her games two summers ago. at his remark about slow dancing, ana had to stifle a laugh — compared to anyone older than fifteen, the two of them probably looked like there was an invisible wall keeping them apart. not like she had any desire to step closer, and she highly doubted that theo was any different. she had to bite her tongue to keep herself from letting out some witty remark about avoiding anything vaguely reminiscent of lola like it was the plague, but instead plastered on another innocent smile. ‘ yeah, well, there’s lots to do. i’ve been helping out with the behind the scenes stuff these past couple of years, ’ she lied. ‘ but it’s okay. we were bound to run into each other sooner or later. so, what have you been up to? ’

standing there, staring straight into anastasia’s eyes, theo had to admit it to himself: he definitely hadn’t forgotten one bit of her role in that emotionally-laden summer. her attempts to emotionally manipulate him and, more unforgivably, prey on lola when she was vulnerable were still fresh in his mind. he normally enjoyed dancing, physical contact, and reconciliation. but in that moment, he was struggling not to cringe. her smile seemed so plastic -- that could’ve been his preconceived notions, though. “ ah, well, working behind the scenes is noble in its own way. ” at least from what he knew of her, she seemed to prefer the spotlight, not the shadows. again, he thought, preconceived notions. 

he shrugged one shoulder, swaying a little in place. “ not much. ” untrue, but what else would he tell her ?? “ i finished my first year at ucla. learned some, had a good time. ” his tone was mild, his smile muted, but wide enough to fool anyone who didn’t know him well. “ how about you ?? i’m sure you were in bigger and better places than stillwater before this summer. ” from his expression to the pitch of his voice, everything about his demeanor screamed politeness. for theo, though, such an absence of warmth indicated passive aggressiveness.

“ lula, i have a serious question. ” theo had only taken a few swigs from his hidden flask, but it’d been a little while since his last dalliance with jameson -- he felt a slight warm buzz. finding lula to discuss an interesting theory or two had seemed ideal. “ what is not a social construct ?? maybe nietzsche’s right and nothing matters. ” he chuckled, discovering genuine hilarity in the existentialism of his babbling.

with various bottles of paint strewn about on the floor around her, reyna was painting a canoe paddle as she sat on the floor of the arts cabin. she was planning to make her paddle look like a duck, so she was currently painting it yellow. after she painted an entire side, she realized that she would have saved time if she had just gotten a yellow paddle. sighing at her lack of judgment, she looked over at theo to see what he was doing. “ how’s yours looking? hopefully better than mine. i’m pretty sure i just wasted the last whatever number of minutes we’ve been in here. this is why lola is in charge of arts and crafts – not me. ” // @matucs​

walking through the crowd, jayce was trying to find anybody that looked familiar at all throughout the sea of people, with no luck. that was, until someone came and tapped his shoulder. he spun around quick to look into the face of one of his best friends from his camp days. “ ted?! how the fuck are you, my guy? ”

at jayce’s reaction, a relieved smile immediately lit up theo’s expression. no matter how life treated him, reconnecting with a wonderful friend was always cause for celebration. “ ah, you know, same old, same old. ” he clapped the other boy on the shoulder, wanting to focus on him. “ how’re you, jay-jay ?? tell me everything and anything. ”

inhaling deeply, theo checked the four-in-hand knot of his tie for the twelfth time that hour. he’d made a promise -- in a different, more innocent time, but he’d be damned if he didn’t honor it. it was time, he coached himself. he rehearsed the words in his head: hi, lo. once his gaze found those achingly familiar blonde locks, his feet automatically traced a path toward her, his hands clasped behind his back like a gentleman. “ hi, lo. ” rocking on his heels, he smiled at her, not yet allowing himself to study what she was wearing. “ here we are, in the flesh, huh ?? ”