freeze, dumbass

matt :))

“Well that’s the problem, Chief.  I can’t be sure she’s going by her real name anymore.”

“Huh. And why’s that? Who exactly is this person you’re looking for? Family? Old friend? Old lover or girlfriend? ... enemy?”

“Well I fuckin’ hope not.  Because if I found out I wasn’t invited to her wedding, I’ll be pretty pissed.”

“Well, it’s an easy way to solve this. What’s the name of this potentially threatening person you’re looking for?”

“Lookin’ for a girl, brunette, ‘bout yay high–” he held his hand up laterally to his ear “–takes no shit, possible has threatened you with injury?  Seen anyone like her?”

“Shit, that sounds scarily a lot like my wife. Please tell me you’re not looking for her?”

“Well it’s not my fault they didn’t market it all that well two years ago, Dad. If I had known about it, I would’ve told you about it. I say we just blame NASA’s marketing team and get them to let me attend as their way of apologizing. Mom could figure out a way to make that happen.”

“No, it was just stupid of them seeing as they’ve missed what probably would have been their best student. That sounds like a good idea, I’m in on that one. Listen, I know your mum can be pretty threatening and convincing and all that, but it’s NASA. However, I’d love to see her try.” He paused and glanced over at Eva. “You tell her.”

“And why can’t I? I could totally pass myself off as one, and I don’t think there’s anything illegal about pretending to be sixteen to go to space camp. It’s not like I’m going there to seduce minors or vandalize equipment. Honestly, they’re the ones who aren’t being fair.”

“You’re not getting into trouble with NASA because you want to go to space camp, Eva. You should’ve found out about the camp two years ago instead. I would’ve gladly sent you.”

“That’s actually a brilliant idea, Dad. I mean, I’m flat chested enough that if I wore a sports bra I could play it off and if I put on blue eyeshadow maybe I’d look awkward enough…”

“-- wait, what? I was joking. You can’t pretend to be sixteen years old to attend a camp. Sorry, but you’re too old, peanut.”

“Is age discrimination an actual thing? Like an actual case that I could make in a court of law? I just saw that NASA is having space camp, where you get to try out the same training equipment as astronauts get to use. But apparently, it’s only for kids aged 12-16.”

“Oh, honey... Sweetie, listen. I’m sure it’ll be fine, you can easily pass for a 16 year old!”

“No, but it’d be nice if you gots just suddenly forget about a game or you know, had other priorities. Just for one game. They’re mental but also superheros. Juggling many children, driving to and from, dealing with a soccer mom van? Those are skills. The only reason my coach told me that was because he was scaring the girls on the other team. Moms can be terrifying though. Fathers seem like the easier ones, or that’s from my experience.” 

“What? We would never forget a game, let me tell you that. Why don’t you want us around? Or .. didn’t. I suppose some of them are, but others are just dangerous and scary. Makes some criminals look like little caterpillars in comparison to them. And the soccer moms are .. something bigger and more intimidating than a caterpillar. Oh. Then I may see why your coach told you that - you win. Even though you could’ve used it as a tactic. Really? I have to disagree. Mums are the nicest and fathers definitely seem more terrifying.”

His chuckle made her smile, and her eyes darted to the ground for a moment. “Ah yes, such a reply deserves a proper punishment. Kids these days with their technology and poor behaviour.” With fake exasperation, she shook her head again and let out a sigh. “Really though, he should’ve shown some respect. One shouldn’t mess with the police.”

“It does, doesn’t it?” he said, smiling as she agreed with him - even if it probably wasn’t sincere, but he’d pretend it was. “It’s outrageous. Somewhere some parents didn’t finish their job, I think. --- Yeah, he absolutely should have, but to be honest, I’m not surprised. Definitely not, but people do it surprisingly often.”