Rock of Ages

Well jeeze, sorry for not getting the memo. 

If you were defective you wouldn’t be attractive, or be as much of a jackass as you are. Basically. 

You’re so demanding. 

You were the ONE person who was supposed to. I should fire my secretary.

At first I read that as detective and didn’t get what was being said but glad I reread that sentence. haha Thanks for that compliment. I think.

Always.

Yes, I’m the stalker you never knew you had. 

No, I just know that anyone who’s a jackass is too evolved to actually cry in a corner from some teasing. 

Okay we need to cut it with the 3rd person thing, but yea, I do. 

Then you did a great job up until this point. You’re not supposed to tell me!

Maybe I’m a defective jackass? You thought of that?

Then make that happen so we can drink the rum you buy us.

As funny as that mental image is, you’re too evolved for that. 

Well, you have really only been a jackass. 

Sometimes a mom needs a solid nights sleep where she’s not getting up every three hours. 

Awh. Look at you complimenting my evolution. How do you know this? You’ve been following me all my life?

Does a mom have a friend who can take the kid for a full day?

Me calling you a bitch? I’d be fucking upset if it hurt your feelings, honestly. 

You’re going to have to be nicer to me if you want me to bring you rum, and drink it with you. 

That’s a waste of damn milk, why would I taint it like that? 

Here I was thinking you’d laugh your ass off at me blubbering in the corner with my hurt feelings.

I am nice. You just don’t realize it.

Sometimes a mom needs a drink.

Relaxed at the spa for a weekend. It really did me some good. Busy seems bad since you are a fire man. But hopefully, there wasn’t anything too dangerous. But you may need some time off. Go away for the weekend or something. Any vacation days coming up?

Wish I can say that it wasn’t but we had to get down to the lake and take care of a bad accident that happened on the water. It’s not even warm enough to ski and these people thought it was a good idea to and I’ll stop right there. EMS and us had a lot to do.

Got a lot saved up actually. Never know where to go.

Food, don’t flake out on me now, dude.

What happens if you get food taken away from you? Will you Hulk out on me?

BITCH. 

Do you think I’m just a damn fountain of alcohol? 

Ha! Is that supposed to hurt my feelings? It only makes me stronger. 

That I do. Bring me rum this time around. Join me for a drink. You can pump and dump. That’s what I heard moms do.

Hey, I’m a hella lot smarter than I look. I think I could find it without the big red truck out front.

Wellllllllll. I think we’ll have to wait and see. I can’t remember why you’re coming here but I still expect a visit.

No, that is the only time you’ll be getting anything out of me. Enjoy it while it lasts. 

Half the bottle is gone! You didn’t tell me there was an expiration date on this!

Yeah, building with the fire truck.

You’ll be shit out of luck if you go there and the truck isn’t there. 

Yes, because I’m going to show up at a firehouse and hit you in front of all your big buff ass friends. 

On second thought…. 

No, I won’t do that, but just know I considered it for at least 10 seconds. I’m coming by later to drop it off, so you better enjoy the damn apology. 

I’m in the middle of enjoying it right now!

I should be an ass to you more often. I get treated to rewards.

A cake. 

That’s like a level of an apology I don’t humanly know how to make. 

The only apology I know how to give is one in the form of shots, and I can’t do that right now because I’m nursing. However, you can expect something. So long as you tell me your place of work, because then I can just drop the apology off there. 

I didn’t think you’d want to go through with actually giving me one. The nice part of me wants to say don’t worry about it but the jackass side wants to see what you consider an apology. And if it’s you hitting me you can keep it!

Yeah, I’m free tomorrow.

Alright, Ramen Girl. Do you know where the fire station is?

Dude, I’m not gonna say no to that. Buy me all the shit you want. Don’t know if I could ever pay you back.

Then this is happening. When you free tomorrow?

I’m doing better since I took a few days off to kind of recharge. Up to no good sounds kinda fun. How’s work going? Havenoaks residents being on their best behavior?

What type of recharging did you do? I haven’t had a break in some years. A break longer than the usual one I get from work. It’s been busy, Elle. And most people are. I don’t run into too many who want to fuck things up.

Well excuse me for being entertained 

You’re not excused. In fact you owe me a huge apology. One in the form of a cake with a lot of edible decorations for me to pick and eat.

I don’t either, it makes me think of a shake-n-bake box. 

Well are you talking figuratively or literally, because if you mean that literally then things are going to get awkward because we both kind of need an ass. Resting is always good. 

Your new name is Shake-n-Bake. Hope you like it!