𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘢 𝘮𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵.

july eighth. keira’s beating heart was ripped out from her chest four days ago. maybe it was a miracle that she survived in the first place. but it didn’t feel like one. there was just a gaping hole in the middle of her chest. they could stop the physical bleeding, but what about her heart? the heart that for the past four days that had felt so bloodied and bruised she didn’t know how it was still functioning. she didn’t know how people did it. astoria. the prettiest girl in the universe who wasn’t meant for an earth side life, as fate would have it. it wasn’t her fault, it wasn’t her fault. was all she had been told, but how could she believe that? it was her job to keep their daughter safe. logically there was a part of her that knew it was out of her control. that things happen and no one knows why. yet, it still wasn’t good enough. it would never be good enough. it wasn’t enough to stop this pain. so now all she could do was sit. sit there in this hurt, try to push past the worst pain she’s ever been in. until up until four days ago, she would’ve said last year was the worst pain she’s ever dealt with. yet, if life didn’t have a cruel way of upstaging itself. keira rosati: ever the optimist, a sunny disposition, that just felt… dimmed. like all the light that had ever been in her was suddenly turned off, drained if anything, and keira didn’t know how to turn it back on. not for lack of trying either. a fluffy cream dog rested his head on her lap softly, not wanting to leave her side since they got home, therefore taking a break from his very important job running around camp eagle ridge. furthering the fact that animals just know. “oh, come on, sweet boy, you don’t wanna play with the kids?” the auburn haired girl managed a small smile as she petted his soft fur, puppy dog eyes looking up at her in response. “they just love you,”

there was a dulling ache that settled into matteo’s bone like a disease. and then what was once a debilitating hurt became a solitude of numbness. distance. the sickening pull of grief had sunk into his every bone like a sliding buzzsaw, gliding effortlessly until it met the ground. he was sliced and wounded with every emotion possible. the valleys he had attempted to keep covered from any outward influence. the four days that the couple had left without their child were the worst he had ever experienced. matteo would call himself an openly sensitive being, until that day. it had all come to a briefing halt. at least in front of his wife. his helplessness in making the situation resolved was inevitably failing him. there was simply no words of comfort or silver lining to create a pseudo reassurance. a heavy sigh fell from parted lips as the curly headed boy leaned himself forward on the living room couch, both hands detaching from the fabric. slender, nimble fingers coiled together in a soft clap to get the pet full of crisp, snow white fur’s attention. “hey, buddy, what is it? what’s wrong with my baby,” the words escaped like oxygen covering the boundary that was set between husband and wife. offering an outstretched arm into his direction, matteo’s solemn expression with his sunken eyes emitting empathy with his actions. it wasn’t a difficult answer as he already knew of the puppy’s innate intuition. there was simply no strategy in asserting otherwise. “i’ll go tell the campers their favourite mascot’s just doesn’t have the energy to roam around camp today. i’ll be back,” he confirmed, exiting out of the front door of their home and along his path to make the announcement, while fighting the collapsing brigade of tears to keep from streaming down stung apple-red eyes.

keira had never given much thought of how she would die. but does anyone ever? she always assumed she’d be old. old and peacefully after living the best life. yet, with the sharpest pain shooting through out her body and her literally bleeding out on the cabin floor, she couldn’t help but think that maybe that day was coming sooner than anticipated. was this some kind of sick joke ? a year to the day that held so much pain? they used to have fun fourth of julys. no worries, no pain, just careless summer fun. she’d give anything to go back to those days. they were too young for this shit. the girl felt herself go in and out of consciousness as the people she loved around her rushed. her body fighting with itself in the process. keira was so tired, just so, so tired. maybe so much that she wondered if she was going into shock. “ it — hurts so much,” she winced, burying her head into her husband’s chest. “god, it hurts.”

calum’s speeding off began the tumultuous car ride of zero recognizance. soft, brown hues blurred into puddles of mud, the streamline of tears that continued to volcanically erupt down the red tone of his cheeks soon finding gravity to the shoulder of his wife. matteo’s head nestled deep into her neck, his breathing minimal and heavy, near hyperventilating as clammy hands clutched onto every part of her he could grab onto. his fingertips escaped from her back to her sides, though careful not to meet her midsection. her pleas of discomfort brought on another flood of emotion, his already mourning heart desperately panging against his thickly-chambered chest. nodding into her collarbone, matty lifted his swollen face up as he spoke up. “i know it does, key. just squeeze my hand, can you breathe for me?” he quipped quietly, attempting to mask his fear with as much reassurance as he could muster. offering the palm that was once reserved to support her legs, he momentarily parted it to clasp around one of keira’s smaller ones. inhaling a shaky breath, the teen began to initiate somewhat of an exercise, releasing the air trapped in his lungs to aid in keeping his wife’s psyche at bay. “when it hurts just squeeze the shit out of my hand, okay? i can take it,” he stated in a soft hushed tone, before long seeing the creme white building of the er come into view. when the car came to a stop at the emergency entrance, matty kept a secure hold onto the precious cargo in his arms, before being met with a gurney and individuals clattering at every angle to define what was wrong. “it’s my wife. i believe she passed out this morning and she’s bleeding…she’s bleeding pretty badly. she’s pregnant…” his words felt foreign as they emitted from his lips, a numb sensation overtaking him, as if he were departing from his own body and observing the interaction from above. to be on the opposing end of the situation as a year prior felt worse, helpless at the mercy of what would transpire beyond the sliding doors. his hand never left at least grazing a single square inch of her skin to his, until the chaos of the flurry of nurses began to slowly pry him away from her. “i love you, keira! key…i….” it was once the gurney had been pushed into the guarded area, that his lanky frame crumbled into a pile on the floor. he had melded into the reversion of the man he was just this morning. the cool sensation of the waxed linoleum floor was a greeted contrast to the excess heat that radiated from every orface of the boy’s body. “hey, m..” calum’s familiar voice filling through one ear and out the other as firm hands gripped onto the padding of each shoulder of his. “i just talked to the front desk and they’ll let us know when they know something. it could be awhile. do you want us to take you home?” without a second thought, dark curls shook atop of his head in response, sniffling what fear, anticipation, anxiety and altogether mixture was flowing through his veins. “i want to be here…she was here for me, i need to be here for her. i’m not leaving,” he urged, openly sobbing into the crook of the vacant shoulder that seemingly belonged to calum as he cradled the teen into an enveloped embrace, having no plans of moving from his molded position on the waiting room floor. as his feet grazed the legs of standing chairs, he couldn’t bring himself to sit up, let alone stand. if this was how it felt to be near to losing the reason for his heart to beat every single day, he would rather drown.

one year. three hundred and sixty five days since the last fourth of july. keira couldn’t fathom how fast and also slow time could have gone. a year of the rosati last name being at the end of hers. july had become such a hard month and truthfully, she couldn’t wait for it to be over. there was a certain amount of anxiousness, even more so when she found out she was pregnant. she had spent a summer so far hiding it underneath baggy shirts, her friends and husband constantly running around to make sure she was okay. but okay meant many things and baby rosati surely knew how to make keira sick. therefore it was a summer of water, gatorade, pedialyte and just wishing july would pass.

something’s wrong, something wrong. that was the only thought that was coursing through her brain. a sharp pain shot her abdomen as if someone had just stuck a knife right through her. “brooke,” the girl breathed out as she held onto the bathroom sink, trying to steady herself. she was fine, she was fine. she’s fine because she has to be. “key, i already told you everything’s gonna be okay, okay?” her best friend tried to reassure her from the other side of the room, not really looking at her directly as she stayed occupied. “everything’s gonna be fine. don’t worry,” keira wanted to believe that so badly, but as she felt something dripping, her life flashed right before her eyes. “n-no, b-brooke,” the auburn haired girl stuttered, her hand stained with blood as she removed it from her abdomen to show her best friend. immediately feeling her legs start to go numb from right under her. brooke’s smile quickly turned into widened eyes in complete horror, taking no time in rushing to catch her, phone in hand as she checked her pulse. “keira, oh my god, oh my god,” the dark haired girl struggled to breath, clicking the closest contact. c. calum. “keira passed out and there’s so much blood. there’s just so much blood,”

the weather that plagued the outside borders of the grassy knoll — that hadn’t witness a spit of rain all summer — was a combination of stuffy hazes of uncomfortable warmth and sticky wet condensation. a relatively normal pattern in the dog days of the tip of july, but a near fallible prediction into the holiday’s proceedings. the earlier strips of time spent on the summer camp ground were a fond time lapse of returnable memories, a walk of the lane that had guided the pair in the here and now. seemingly everything felt catastrophically differing, yet were a careful nod that at the heart of it all, this very destination held all familiarity of a bleak childhood. heavy hazel hues wore weighted as each passing thoughts that filtered through the teen’s mind was his wife. it had been a handful of minutes since his text had successfully delivered, leaving a questioning brow to arch onto his forehead as he waited a couple more seconds for a response that would never be received. after the frantic stint that caught hold of the nuptials the year before, it was now matty’s turn to heave the brunt of worry and concern when it came to keira’s health. as if the moment after she’d told him of the news of the baby, his shoulders casted an aura of anxiety and fear. to a point he almost felt silly of voicing audible mistrusts as to how the auburn haired beauty was handling the physicality of such a task.

each day was a delve into uncharted territory of touch and go, which the boy could only have gathered it to be a fleshed out version of karma due to the incident that befell the couple on this exact same day. his features permanently etched with fine lines that were light paths of a roadmap, the onset guilt that he was consequently helpless in being of any aid to his wife in this time of need. every so often he was sure the girl had heard him utter the very same sentence every minute of the awoken day: how are you feeling? are you okay? it didn’t take a pristine 4.0 gpa to acknowledge that despite her constant batting of his worries only instilled the fear even deeper into the chambers of his malformed chest. suddenly, the mono-ringtone of his best man’s phone filled the four corners of the cabin, thus chiming matteo out of the trance he was unknowingly in. “hey, brooke..” a rotund arm clung to the cellular device pressed gently to his ear, an eerie beat of silence averting the boy’s attention as his irises flickered up to meet calum’s own pair. before the taller male could even formulate a cognizant response, cheekbones dropped into a near expressionless countenance of terror, directly resulting in matteo to arise from the edge of the plastic bed cover, a shaking hand fumbling through a head of distressed brown curls. “holy shit,” calum expelled, and it was in that moment that he knew. the gaping off beat of his heart began to excelerate at warped speed. leaving the foot of the messenger in front of him, matteo all but dashed out of the now opened wooden door frame and catapulted himself with as much speed as his slowed down body could carry him to where brooke and keira inhabited. leaving calum in his wake of an unfinished reliance of information that in his soul he was dreading would happen. something’s wrong, something’s definitely wrong, it wasn’t until he transported himself to the door, balled up fists of adrenaline rapping at every angle before he twisted the knob himself “where is she?” matty trudged inside, his words slurred as he paved a path into the bathroom as the couples screams belonging to brooke gave him access into finding her. each second that passed was a blur as he immediately kneeled to the lip of the floor in front of him, shaky hands unable to hold still as one of his palms carefully brushed over her forehead, the other hooked into the small of her back. “i’m right here, baby. it’s gonna be okay. okay? you can trust me,” eyes of muddy brown now flooded with a cool stream of tears that lined each cheek. a numb fell over the boy as if he couldn’t feel a single morsel of anything. his body was apparatused into a dreamlike state, where waking up felt like the only option to escape from a nightmare such as this.

blurry hues descended to the presence of red, his conscience milling through the possibilities that were already somehow a familiar blanket of suffocation, now with the air supply completely severed. “brooke, get your keys. we have to get her to a hospital, call 911 and tell them we’re on our way. we have to go, now,” though his words felt firm to any wondering ear, his tone was nothing if not scarcely calm. if there was one thing he couldn’t do was show fear in the eyes of crystalline ice that he’d fallen for in every single moment since they met. gathering her small frame into both hands, the guitarist feverishly made his careful journey to the backseat of the car, now with the company of their two friends joined in the front. “please stay with me, keira. please don’t let go, i need you,” he uttered all the while the running stream of tears continued to not hole up. if only he could wake up.

a day that had lived to torment the now nineteen year old the more that time had passed. all it took was one slip of a frazzled mind, one forgetful dismissal and thus caused him to skip one day of medication that he was dependent on. in one fell swooped the lines blurred between reciting his wedding vows to collapsing onto the solar green grass as fireworks popped up into smoke in the oregon air. the backdrop of what was — at the time — a serene, secluded private affair where two souls became one. and the first few minutes, even days, as husband wife were spent in a sterile, Lysol-infested hospital. each day matteo clung on for dear life as he knew there was a reason for him to hold on. that reason was a five-foot-three, rosy-cheeked, raven-haired bundle of spunk who was waiting for him. it was his motivation to pull through the darkness. and now, twelve months later, they were about to add another reason of existence.

it would be a gross understatement to say that matteo often couldn’t go one hour in the day without worrying for his wife. the past few months had been a learning curve for the both of them. a puppy was one thing. in fact, it was a perceivable first step into the growing family tree. and as a head full of ringlets turned himself onto his back, a wide-stretched hand immediately palmed the miniature ultrasound picture that lay against the arched lamp by his bedside. a gentle thumb scrolled over the dark black overcast, a blip the size of a golfball in a grey tone. their baby. pressing the laminated photo to his lips, matty carefully placed the picture back onto the bedside, his free hand already reaching for his phone. despite the age old tradition of never seeing the significant other the day before the wedding, it caused more panic to settle in the ridges of his chest. like a disease aching to spread like wildfire. “good morning, my wife. i can’t wait to marry you today. again. in fact, i can’t wait to dance with you as if we are the only two people left in this world. how are you feeling? can i get you anything? please be careful. if you need me please let me know. screw tradition, i miss you. love, your matty.”

it was still a surreal conceivable notion, that they had a chance to do things over their way, at the same place as before. and maybe that was a superstitious idea, but if there was one thing about camp eagle ridge, it was that it felt like home, even more so than albuquerque. so what if the first time had gone awry? lightning rarely strikes twice, right?

everything stops as soon as she’s in her husband’s arms. the love she has for matteo rosati is out of this world and it somehow manges to grow stronger every single day. it wasn’t possible to be this in love with someone, it just simply wasn’t. the safest place was wherever he was. truthfully, she was scared. so utterly terrified in this moment. pregnancy was never not risky. so many things that could go wrong and after last year, keira was hyper aware of it all. sometimes she wasn’t, but…. it was something she couldn’t help. burying her face in his chest, the tears continued to fall. no matter how much she didn’t want them to. safety. security. things that could trump the overwhelming anxiety that made its home in her chest. “no, i’m… okay. just kind of nauseous, that’s all.” keira responded with a shake of her head. the migraine from crying so much already starting to form. “i want to be happy about it so bad, matty.” and there it was. all the anxiety that piled up was now slipping through the cracks of pink lips. well, no more secrets. “someone that’s half you, half me. everything i love about you in one tiny person, but last year was just so draining and i’m scared of something happening. to you, to me, me not being here.” everything being out in the open made her feel so exposed. keira porter rosati wanted to pride herself on being a rock. someone who people could come to in a time of need, but that meant she also needed to lean on people too. “and then i feel guilty for not being happy about it.”

leading his wife to the edge of the bed they both shared, he carefully balled his free hand into a fist to fluff the pillow that swam in the ocean of covers that haphazardly were tossed to each corner of the mattress. gesturing for her to lay down, he delicately propped both feet up, before his free hand stroked her perfectly porcelain forehead that reflected a more pale countenance than he was used to. of course, casper followed in behind them, his tiny feet bouncing up to meet the foot of the bed. breaking contact for a brief minute, matty tended to the puppy as he lifted his small body into the seeming abyss of blankets as he sniffed his way closer to keira. nudging his body into her side, he kept his head above as crystal blue eyes met with the nineteen year olds. the boy’s features remained etched with worry, a metaphorical and gravitational pull weighing down like a heavy brick in his chest. “do you think you can keep down some saltines? maybe ginger ale? i’ll make you some soup,” he offered quite frantically, hues scanning continuously over his wife as he assessed her needs. health had now been an impending concern in the rosati household. being born with a broken heart that he hadn’t yet realized until just two years before this moment, it was him quietly chastising himself with even the idea of burdening her with this disease for as long as they lived. there was no cure, only a tedious management of it that he obvious couldn’t succeed in a year ago. though he has matured, if only slightly as he realized that his life was not his own anymore, but keira’s as well. “hey,” he mused, the pad of his thumb caressing the apple of her cheek to hopefully reassure her. “this is a lot to take in. it’s a big step. don’t stress yourself out about it, babe. you’ve been doing a lot of that on my behalf. it’s my turn now,” matty hushed, his thumb trailing to dust over her bottom lip, brushing every crease in her border as if he were counting them one by one. “in my heart, there is no one else i can imagine will be as fitted with any label that you will be as a mom. i know that. you’ve always been so nurturing, and caring, and kind. man, you have the kindest heart i’ve ever known. nothing will happen to you, i will fight until my last breath for you. it’s okay to feel scared. it’s a scary thing. but what i know is, is as long as i’m doing this life with you, nothing can be that scary. we can take one step at a time, okay? this is life changing, and i don’t blame you. you’re allowed to feel that way, just know you’re not alone, you’re never alone,” he emphasized, folding his fingers underneath her palm as he brought her knuckles up to his lips, feathering them over the ridge of his cupid’s bow. “i’m going to go get some supplies, i’ll be right back,”

very few moments in her life had her heart racing so fast she thought she might pass out on the spot. confessing how much she loved her best friend over the phone that september night, seeing her boyfriend in person for the first time in nine months, that last july fourth. and now… this. it should’ve been a no. she wasn’t expecting a positive. yes they talked about it before, but it was under the impression that it’d be years before anything like that would happen. that right now the two of them were content with just their dog. then a sudden wave of guilt washed over her. so strong that it felt like it could drown. so many people waited years for this type of answer and here she was feeling like this. the sound of her husband’s voice coming through the door set off a certain calmness in a sea of pure anxiety. just like it often did. taking another a deep breath, the auburn haired girl rose from her spot on the floor. making a note to wipe her eyes with the sleeves of her shirt, even though it’d be obvious to anyone, especially him, that she’d been crying. opening up the door, exhausted blue eyes met her husband’s mocha ones and the ones of their pup right next to him. “matty….” keira’s voice was soft, yet cracked at every inch as seeing him made her want to start crying even more. her sleeves once again going up to wipe any more that happen to fall. “ i’m sorry. i just…” no words.

balls of creamy white fur padded at the lip of the door frame, a soft bark escaping casper’s wagging tongue followed by a sharp wince. the samoyed being capable of picking up on the wavering of tension that rippled through the air like an electric current. with the test now laid on the floor beside him, it wasn’t the answer that caused immediate intimidation as the commanding emotion that simmered inside of him. it was the prompt turn of a heel of concern that etched into the features of matty’s face. the boy was in a limbo of conflict when it came to taking this news in stride. upon the door now opening to reveal the auburn haired beauty from behind it, the counselor required the upmost will power to keep himself from attacking her with an impromptu embrace, clinging to her as if his life depended on it. the sound of her faint voice perked at his ears, a sinking sensation weighing down every pulse of his heart that passed him by. shaking a head full of curls, soft hands threaded up to cup both her cheeks into his grasp. a thumb stroked the paleness of her face as his dark hues made contact with her cerulean ones. witnessing the love of his life in disarray lead to an onset of uncontrollable tears the steam at the corners of his eyes. sniffing the urge to allow the tears to fall down his own cheek, he finally pulled himself in closer proximity to her, evaporating the distance between them. long arms coiled around her middle, covering her sides as his palms rustled up her sides up and down at an attempt to bring her safety. “don’t apologize, it’s okay to cry. it’s okay to feel. its overwhelming, i know. i love you more than life itself, and we can get through this, i promise you,” he mused, hands now locked up to meet to her shoulders so his grip circulated around her arms. all the while with an emittance of puppy whines sprinkled into the background noise that melted into reality. “how are you feeling? can i get anything for you?” pulling away hesitantly, matty released his grasp on her, before the palm of his hand pressed against her forehead, to assess keira’s temperature. the other grazing over her stomach in a swift, fluid motion before meeting back to her side. “everything’s okay, i’ve got you,”