i like men

let’s talk about how they made it impossible to function without a phone and digitalised everything and then turned around and went “actually! these phone things aren’t safe for kids but it’s magically ok once you’re eighteen. guess you’ll have to have your life dictated by your parents now lol cause we’re gonna take the devices away from you. IT’S FOR YOUR OWN GOOD WHY ARE YOU COMPLAINING”

ok my apologies. take away my ability to buy anything too ig because these fuckass stores don’t accept cash anymore. take away my ability to communicate with people outside my house and school because I can’t text and I can’t email and I cant drive to them either and I can’t even fucking get public transport without a phone either. can’t order at a fucking restaurant without being asked to get a membership and install an app and also very sorry but you can only order through our online menu now! have you ever considered that it’s not just about instagram?

@victoriansecret I found your friend!!!

you gotta read, you gotta write, you gotta draw, you gotta watch films and shows. there is literally NO time to be employed

free the nipple has to make a resurgence for a number of reasons but bro look at our upcoming eternity of wet bulb temps youre smoking straight up cock if you think im keeping a shirt on when it hits 105° in new england

it’s still so wild that I managed to find my mom’s lost cat. but also, hyper obsessive autists get things done!!!! every single morning for months, I would check a series of local facebook groups, until finally she got spotted in a campsite. then from the time I saw that post, it took about 24 hours to organize her retrieval. and now she’s back to being a house cat! after being lost in the woods all spring and all summer! death via coyote is canceled, she will live into her 20’s and be a pivotal memory for my niece and nephew, who always ask on facetime to see her

will never forget the day of the charlie kirk shooting bc i found out from my direct report who just doubled over laughing at his computer suddenly and i was like what's up and he said "charlie kirk just got shot?" and i went and told my 85 year old work friend and HE was like "i don't care, he had it coming" (this man is a franciscan friar btw) (a literal man of the cloth) (you'd think they'd be the only people who morally have to be opposed to political violence but he was like "as far as my morals are concerned..... i don't want the guy who did it to get the death penalty" 🤷‍♂️) and then i had to go to ketamine therapy where i got high as fuck bc i had a little late summer cold and had taken a sudafed a bit beforehand and saw a vision of tilda swinton basically agreeing that political violence is fine and i afterward went to mcdonald's where they were playing all of sabrina carpenter's man's best friend album with literally none of the swears bleeped. and i felt like alice in wonderland the whole time.

'why does lestat see claudia as a romantic rival when louis is gay it makes no sense' girl because he is insane. because he is fucking insane. because he is stephen king amy dunne last ten minutes of hereditary crazy. because he is mommy dearest the shining silence of the lambs hitchcock blonde norman bates unwell.

The like button is heart shaped for a reason and the reason is that it means I love you

murder suicide is awesome to me bc its like annnnnd im coming with you

lmfao I just saw zohran doing the inaugural swim in a full suit and tie, the schtick genuinely gets funnier the more he does it. My only complaint is should have worn swim trunks OVER the suit

i fw you most ardently

Your soul is rotten to the core and therefor I shal not be showing you my penis good night to you

I need to bite something until it breaks. I need to jack off. I need to set fire to a large structure. I need to sprint into the woods

people foolishly dismiss desserts and treats as having no nutritional value when they actually are necessary for refilling your sanity stat. to prove my point please observe the emotional stability of the next person you meet who doesnt let themselves ever eat any form of dessert

*trying to act natural and befriend you* have mercy on my damned soul???