https://www.tumblr.com/maso-risa/805569738824663040/httpswwwtumblrcommaso-risa805569076248412160?source=share
Oh no Y/N it's fine really.
Thank you very much for doing this, I'm looking forward to read it.
All credit and thanks to wandanatskitten for the writing. I didn't contribute a single line
TW: Blood, talks of abortion
I can’t tell what’s moving faster, my legs pacing back and forth, my heart racing in my chest, or the thoughts passing by in a flash. Thoughts of remorse, frustration…fear. So much fear it’s almost hard to differentiate it from my anxiety. But when I hear the sound of the front door open and close, I realize they go hand in hand.
Wanda sets her briefcase by the door, takes off her shoes, hangs her coat, and greets me with a chaste kiss on the cheek. Her evening routine when she comes home. I can’t help but to analyze her every movement. Trying to determine her mood because if she had a bad day then maybe I could put off the news just one more time. I know there wouldn’t be a good time to drop something this heavy, but maybe she’d take it better if she didn’t already walk through the door pissed.
The sound of her voice breaks me from my trance causing me to look her way. Not realizing how long I’d been standing in my spot staring beyond her or perhaps the floor. Either way I stutter out an unconvincing “yes”. I can see her face scrunch with disbelief, her feet automatically carry her toward me with concern.
“You sure? You look, I don’t know, not okay?” Her tone offered a soft worry and it made me relax just a bit.
I can’t keep avoiding this conversation and I fear my expectations get worse with time. Thinking about the million ways this moment could go has made me lose hours of sleep and dropped my appetite for days. If I don’t say it now my anxiety will tear me down before I even get the chance. Weeks of stress, but this moment feels the most overwhelming than anything I could conjure.
“Actually no, I’m not.” Just a brief moment of honesty gave me Wanda’s full attention. Her eyes are on mine, even if I can’t look into hers. While her hands hold my hips, effortlessly keeping me from running or crumbling.
“I’ve been trying to figure out what words to say, or when to say them. How to approach you and the way you’d react, but just-“
“Y/n.” Wanda’s stern voice cuts off my ramble. “You’re scaring me. Tell me what’s wrong and hopefully I can help.”
She was always the more grounded one and I admired her ability to calm my nerves even if a little. So with questionable confidence I blurted out the words I’d been swallowing for weeks.
Stillness erupted. A complete contrast to before. A deafening silence, stone grip on my hips, and I could’ve sworn my heart stopped with anticipation. Until she spoke up.
“No.” Her hand rose to hush me. A chilling compliment to her low tone. “I heard you the first time.” It’s the tone I dreaded to be welcomed with. A tone I’ve heard only a handful of times. One that already had tears threatening my waterline.
She looks at me with an unreadable expression and down to my stomach before speaking, “You’re not pregnant Y/n.”
“Wanda I know this isn’t-“
“You’re not pregnant, because we’re careful.” She says quietly while backing away from me. It only takes a few steps till she reaches the counter behind her. Her words low and mumbled as she turned away from me and placed her hands on the counter. Even so, I could hear bits of what she was saying.
“Wanda?” I reach for her slowly, cautiously. “It’ll be okay. We can get through this.”
“Get through this?” Wanda finally turns but not without smacking my hand away from her. “Y/n. There is no ‘getting through this’.” Her voice was stern and unforgiving.
“This.” She gestures to my belly. “Wasn’t part of the plan.” Her feet start to carry her forward while my fear carries me back. “This.” Another gesture. “Was never supposed to happen.” Soon enough she backs me to the other side of the countertop, effectively pinning me there. “This.” She presses her finger into my abdomen. “Needs to go.”
The discomfort of her words caused a pain in my heart, but I swear I could feel it in my stomach. Maybe it was the organ dropping down to my pelvis. But is wasn’t the only thing falling. Tears burned my cheeks, hot and molten as I stuttered.
“I do, Y/n. You know I never wanted kids. Why would it be any different now?”
Another pain. This time, more real than the last. Her words striking a nerve that I can somehow feel deeper and deeper by the minute.
“I knew you’d do this Wanda. I knew you’d react like this.” My voice was small and raspy. A complete contrast to her upcoming outburst.
“Of course I’m fucking reacting like this Y/n! I don’t want a goddamn baby! Not with a stranger. Not with you. Not with the virgin fucking Mary! I’m not ruining my life for you, Y/n.”
I hissed and doubled over as Wanda turned to walk away. Her abandonment cut deep with words as her weapon.
“Wanda.” I begged helplessly, but my plea was overshadowed by her clouded anger.
“How could you do this to me?” She turns back around once gaining some distance.
My heart was already pounding in my ears, breath shallow and out of control, and for a moment that sharp pain caused by her words dissipated with a burst of adrenaline. Her blame on me fed an anger I didn’t know resided within me.
“I didn’t do shit to you Wanda. Last I checked, it takes two to make a baby. I know you never wanted this, so how do you think I felt the past couple weeks, huh? I haven’t eaten or slept in days, because this is exactly what was running through my head! A million thoughts of how you’d react, yet somehow the reality is worse. So thank you for your support.”
Wanda couldn’t help but counter, “You said it yourself, so don’t play dumb like you didn’t know how I’d react. This isn’t good news, Y/n. So fuck my support.”
“Fuck you and that baby.” Her words were beyond ice cold before walking out the room and into another.
For a brief moment, it was quiet and everything sunk in. This time, the adrenaline wasn’t enough to keep me distracted from the unbearable cramp stabbing within my abdomen. Doubling over, using the counter to keep me from falling, as I clenched my eyes shut and tensed all my muscles. Nothing would prepare me for the first sign of red trailing down my inner leg.A drop of blood reached the floor before my last tear. Only to be followed by a light stream.
The last thing I felt was the dryness in my throat.
The last thing I saw were green irises filled with trepidation.
The last thing I heard was static and sirens.
A consistent beeping woke my ears.
A light weight pressed against my thigh turned on my other senses.
A pair of green eyes and fiery waves grounded me in the moment.
I groaned awake, taking in my surroundings. The cool hospital sent a shiver down my spine. My mind clouded with fatigue until her worried voice carried to my ears.
“Y/n? Hey, how are you feeling?” Wanda addressed me first.
“What happened?” I couldn’t gather my memory in the midst of waking.
“You fainted. Probably from the blood loss.” Wanda answers.
Every part of me was set alight as the previous moments flooded my head. The argument. The pain. The blood.
“The baby!” I looked down with terror and grabbed my stomach. Salted water blurred my eyes from the clean sheets on top of me, but all I could see was the obscene moment my socks were stained with blood.
“The baby is okay.” Wanda stood up and came closer as she saw the panic rise, soothing me further with confirmation of everything that’s happened since I arrived at the hospital. “The baby is fine, still healthy, although a close call. The doctor checked everything out. Both of you are fine.”
This was good news right? Why didn’t it feel like good news?
“Hey hey hey, why are you crying?” She rushes out, cups my face, and wipes the tears that fell with both her thumbs.
“Because the baby is okay.” I choke out.
“Then why don’t these look like happy tears?” Wanda’s confusion lands on me.
“Because you don’t want the baby to be okay.” I couldn’t stop the waterfall of teardrops and dread pitting in my stomach.
I couldn’t decide if I wanted to remove her hands from my face as I grabbed onto her wrist for dear life. Either way, once again, I couldn’t look her in the eyes.
“No Y/n, baby.” I grabbed her tighter and cried harder.
“Y/n, look at me. Please?” Wanda’s voice was soft and welcoming, but I was still scared. Her thumbs stroked my face as she asked me once more, this time even gentler, “Baby, please look at me.” I pushed beyond scarcity and complied. Meeting those vulnerable jades I fell in love with.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Her eyes teared and her words choked over, but the apology was clear in attempt. “I’m sorry for everything I said. I was angry and scared, but not as angry as I would’ve been if I lost you.” Her words were sincere and cut deep, once again. This time without the pain.
“And not as scared as I was waiting for the doctor to tell me if our baby was going to make it.” She paused for a moment, her tears finally kissing her skin as they raced down her cheeks.
“I want you. I want this. I want our baby.” She put her hand on my stomach and looked down.
“I’m so sorry.” She whispered. Her words weren’t just made for me or herself, it was as though she was apologizing to the fetus. Apologizing to our baby before directing her attention to me again, “Can you please forgive me? Could you find it in your heart to do that? If not for me, then for the little girl or boy growing inside of you?” My heart fluttered with how she acknowledged the baby.
“The doctor said stress can cause a miscarriage and I promise to do everything in my power to keep you stress free. I promise to do everything I can to prove I love you. And I promise to do everything I can to protect this baby. So long as you can forgive me. I love you Y/n.” Wanda kisses my lips lightly and doesn’t pull far away. “I love you both.”
“I forgive you Wanda.” I whispered between our closeness.
“Thank you.” She whispers before kissing my lips again. This time a little longer.
“I love you.” She kisses my lips.
“I love you.” She kisses my forehead.
“I love you.” She kisses our baby.