How to âAdultâ: The Not-So-Definitive Guide
Dressed up as a flying pig aka âSwine Fluâ for Bay to Breakers
After eight years of living in San Francisco, I have come to learn that if you donât want to grow up, you donât have to. Not in the traditional sense, at least. Â This is a city that encourages adults to dress up on a semi-regular basis; a city where spending weekdays drinking in parks is the norm, a city where commitment is a four-letter word. This is a city where, either because of cost or comfort or both, it is not uncommon to share your apartment with several Craigslist roommates well into your 30âs. I have learned that there is in fact nothing traditional about becoming an adult in San Francisco. I will never buy a house, unless I find an extra 2 million dollars lying around. I canât get a pet, unless I hide it from my landlord. Marriage? Maybe, but it will likely be at City Hall because when a third of your pay check goes to rent and bills you canât really save for a big fancy Pinterest-worthy wedding. Having a child? Ha. This is a city designed to cater to dogs more than children. Here in San Francisco major life milestones like buying a house, settling down, raising a family, which so many people consider to be key markers of adulthood, seem to be just out of reach. This has made it all the more difficult to navigate my twenties--without a clear and defined road map to adulthood, I have been left to draw up my own blue prints. I compiled a little checklist for myself, a guide, if you will, of the things I try to do in my day-to-day life to become a better adult. This is in no way a definitive guide and most days I steer pretty far from this list. It is constantly evolving as I continue to figure out how I want to âadultâ in this world.
Weekday adulting:
Wake up; hit the snooze button no more than two times. Resist the urge to check social media before exiting bed.
Brush your teeth and if youâre feeling really adult: floss
Make the bed â unless there is a person sleeping in it, in which case the bed making becomes their responsibility. (Hint, hint!)
Eat a healthy breakfast, pack a lunch and make it to the bus on time. (I think I might have successfully done all three of these things once. Baby steps).
Work a solid 8-hour workday at a job you love. (If you donât love or even like your job, and you can, I would quit. Youâre young, the world is big, and life is too short to spend 40+ hours a week doing something you hate).
Go to happy hour and have no more than two drinks. Unless itâs Monday, Tuesday or WednesdayâŚin which case you should probably just go to the gym and go home.
Upon arrival back home, cook a healthy meal. Or if you have a boyfriend who likes to cook, encourage that hobby and enjoy the fruits of his labor.
Wash the dishes no more than 20 minutes after dinner is complete. There is no such thing as a âclean dish fairyâ.
DO NOT BINGE WATCH NETFLIX.
Brush and floss your teeth. Â Unless you flossed in the morning, then you can probably let it slide.
Head on pillow by 11:00pm
Weekend adulting:
Wake up without an alarm by 9:00am (with the expectation that you will actually be out of bed by 9:45am).
Participate in an outdoor physical activity that does not also involve drinking. List of acceptable activities include but are not limited to: going for a walk through the park, riding a bike around town, and/or running to the beach. Slosh ball and beer pong do not count.
Pay your bills. Those student loans arenât going to pay themselves (Thanks A LOT Obama).
Volunteer. Get involved in your community. Do something that is not totally selfish, even if itâs just for a couple hours once or twice a month. (You do not want to be a self-centered, asshole adult. They are the worst).
Stop by the farmers market and buy some produce for the week. And remember, those expensive, fresh, local, organic apples are not meant to just fill up space in your fruit bowl. Be sure to actually eat all the food you buy.
BRUNCH! Double adult points if you host a brunch at your house.
Spend a couple hours cleaning your house. Yes, even though you tell yourself that this week you will be better about keeping it tidy, your house will inevitably be messy again by Tuesday. Clean it anyway.
Do your laundry. Put all your clean clothes away within 30 minutes of completing your laundry. This does not mean dumping them in a pile on the chair in your room.
Day drinking is reserved for special occasions, such as Bay to Breakers, Pride, weddings, Giants games, friends backyard birthday BBQs, and sunny days in Dolores Park. Ah, who am I kidding? Day drinking on the weekend is acceptable almost always.
Weekend trips to any number of national parks, wineries, or quaint costal towns are also encouraged.
Saturday nights now involve dinner parties, shows, and casual drinks rather than pre-gaming, keg stands and dancing on tabletops. Although, I am not totally convinced that dancing on tabletops isnât an adult thing.
Head on the pillow by 2:00am because even though youâre an adult, youâre still young...enjoy it.










