Made Up Worlds.

And I kept asking myself why does missing someone who was only part of your life for a relatively short period of time hurt so much? But maybe the amount of time you've known someone simply doesn't matter. Maybe being able to feel deeply when you find a connection with another person is what makes us human and it doesn't have to make sense.

I knew the risk of getting hurt was there from the very beginning and yet I went ahead anyway, because you have to. Relationships can't exist without the the risk of losing them and the risk of getting hurt. The risks co-exist alongside the hope that it will all work out in the end.

I suppose there's good reason why so many poems and novels have been written about love and relationships and why so many people have tried to understand it all. But I don't think reason and logic can always be applied when emotions are involved - they're too precise, too exacting, too limiting when it comes to the ever evolving wave of emotions we feel. They can't be mapped onto each other. I thought I'd prepared myself for him leaving. In the end my feelings rose up and sloshed over any rational thought that tried to find its way through.

There were moments where I was suffocated by the sadness. Yet the saddest part was that I knew that this was the end of how things were, the end of 'us'. The finality of it all kept hitting me like a tonne of bricks. Yet the minutes marched on and I'm dragged along by time passing and pushing me forwards without him.

My anxious brain ran through all the possibilities that I should prepare myself for but it's exhausting and I'm obviously not a fortune teller so it was a pointless use of my time and energy. No amount of thinking will prepare me for those eventualities or help me work out which will come true and which will never happen.